My Gastric Banding

2012-02-06T05:09:00.001-08:00

Well, not doing very well at all. Any added restriction has disappeared, and I'm stuck at 10 - 8. I gained a little last week, and today am back to where I was two weeks ago. I have booked another fill, to see if a tiny tweak will help.

It is cold here, I feel like sitting in front of the TV huddled in blankets with some great comfort food; no wonder I'm not losing weight!

I should be more active. But so far, I'm not :-)

2012-01-23T00:44:00.000-08:00

Well, maybe the fill has helped more than I thought, I am down to 10 stone 8 (148 pounds) this morning, which is good news.

I just need to keep it up, and keep losing a little each week.

Keitha, if you have had three fills and feel "nothing" in the way of restriction, I'd ask your surgeon about it. Unless they were very tiny fills (which some doctors like to do). After my first couple of fills I had good restriction for quite a few months. But they were biggish fills, done at a month post op. (I think I had three mils on Friday and another one mil on Saturday)

I am just so hopeless with willpower - which why I need my band.

2012-01-18T13:50:00.001-08:00

Not a happy bunny. The fill has not given me the restriction I wanted.

I need more restriction, or more will power. Lol, I know which is easier to get . . .

I can not maintain weight loss without restriction. Maybe I should just get a stomach-ectomy and live on protein drinks for the rest of my life.

Sigh sigh sigh sigh sigh.

What next?

Another fill. But where and when and how (and what with??? these fills don't come cheap!)

2012-01-14T06:12:00.000-08:00

Had my fill today, 0.75mil, I wanted one mil, but we compromised. I am scared it's not enough, since I could drink the whole plastic cup full of water without pausing. I wonder if I should have asked for me. It didn't help that the lady who'd gone in to see Dr Marc before me was gagging and felt overfilled and he was worried about her. Maybe that made him nervous.

I had a large coffee on the train ride home, and a cup of soup (instant, not home made) when I got back. I'm hungry. I hope this fill is going to work. Sigh, I realise I shall have to work with it.

I was 154 pounds this morning on Dr M's scales.

Time to update

2012-01-11T07:47:00.000-08:00

Time to update - I am waiting (a bit desperately) for my fill this weekend. I have put on more weight than I'd like to admit since my last unfill.

It was/ is my own fault, it is NOT the fault of the band. I've had a good four years of lsoing weight/ maintained weight loss, but since I had the unfill, I have been gaining. Not a huge amount, but a little here and a little there can become an extra 20 pounds toooo fast.

I am not a bandster who can say that the op changed them, their eating habits or their obesity tendency. I need my band; I need my restriction. I am so glad I can have a fill - if I'd had a bypass (RNY etc) I'd be stuck, but I *can* get back on track - not via my "will power" but because of my band.

Bring on the fill!

Back in Blogland

2011-12-15T07:49:00.000-08:00

I've been less busy with work the last few days and spent ages reading blogs. I don't have a list down the side-bar of my blog, but thanks to Roo at http://abrandnewroo.blogspot.com/ I managed to read through most of my old favourites, and some new favourites too.

I have so much to be thankful for, bandwise. No major complications, good weight loss and reasonable restriction.

Yes I whine and complain a bit, and yes I could make better choices and lose another 15 pounds. But on the whole life is good and I'm thankful for my band.

I really feel for people who've had to lose their bands - Jen and Sally - and it makes me grateful that I've not had these horrible complications.

I've been banded for four years. Another year, and I will become a statistical anomaly- someone who lost significant amounts of weight and kept it off for five years.

Reading all these other blogs, I realise this is probably the most boring (esp visually) blog in the blogsphere. But I haven't a clue how to jazz up my layout.

I need more restriction

2011-12-09T08:06:00.000-08:00

Since my last fill I've not gained any weight, but I have only lost 3 or 4 pounds. I don't really have enough restriction, and I am as hungry as ever.

Not particularly happy coming up to the holidays worrying about my weight and needing a fill. I'll prob wait till the New Year, but I do need to lose weight.

I don't like carrying around an extra 15 pounds. I know that on BMI charts I am ok, my BMI is 23, I am not technically overweight. But I don't have much or any muscle, so that weight is all fat. (Well, apart from the bones etc :-)

I don't seem to eat a huge amount (fill-wise, I can't), but I do eat too often and the wrong things and I don't exercise. Sigh. Need to get things sorted.

On the brighter side of things, it is 4 yrs since my op, and I am sooo glad I had it. I don't really mind that I'd like to lose a few pounds. I am not massively overweight. I look reasonable in my clothes, I can move around comfortably and no longer feel "un-abled" by my size/weight.

I am so glad that I had surgery. My life hasn't had the same dramatic changes as some other bandsters, but losing ten points off my BMI is great. And I never ever want to get to that point again. I need to get another small fill, and work with my band.

And if I don't post again, happy holidays to everyone.

October Update

2011-10-29T04:16:00.000-07:00

It was great having only 5 mils in my band. I hardly knew it was there. In fact it felt like it wasn't. And in seven weeks I gained 13 pounds. So off I went for a fill. This time, he put 1 mil back in. I wasn't sure if that was too much; I was going to ask for 0.25 but he suggested a whole 1 mil.

I'm still on fluids, but can tell that my restriction is back with a vengeance. I wonder how long it will take me to lose these 13 pounds. Longer than it took me to gain them, no doubt.

I feel like I've had a WLS holiday over the last six weeks. With no restriction and eating whatever I wanted, I stopped reading WLS blogs or the WLS forum. I need to get back on track.

2011-09-10T03:30:00.000-07:00

September update. Weight wise I stay about 136 - 139 pounds, if I get over 139 I immediately cut back.

I am doing no exercise at all, I know, it is not good.

I don't eat a lot of real food - mostly soups and slider foods. And I've been having no-specific pain in my stomach and back. And when I do eat real food, I am often sick (pb).

So I decided that enough is enough. Went along to a fill provider (Dr Marc Focquet) (he did not do my surgery, but is in London every fortnight on a Saturday which is v convenient for me) and asked him to check exactly how much was in my band.

He said 6.5mls. I thought it was more than that (though I know sometimes some stays in the tubing etc) He then put 5mils back in, so I have had a 1.5 ml defill.

That's a lot. It felt/feels really weird (my stomach I mean) (and even my back feels weird) and if I breath in too hard I get a stabbing sort of feeling in that area (stomach not port)

I bet I put on a ton of weight in no time :-) and go rushing back for a refill. But for now, I need to eat solid food, slowly and stop when I am full. And stop pb'ng full stop. (Stick to the basic bandster rules I mean)

I have a horrible feeling I probably wrote this same post a yr ago :-) I'm going round in circles a bit with my band. But at least I'm in skinnier circles than I used to be!

July

2011-07-25T04:59:00.000-07:00

It is a while since I updated. Nothing much has changed. I've lost a few pounds which is good (well, three, which is hardly much to write home about) but to be fair I really have not been trying very hard (at all)

My band is tight, I can only drink hot fluids in the morning (coffee good - water bad); but as the day goes on it gets easier

I don't eat a lot of real food, mostly soft foods and soups/protein drinks. That is partly my own fault, I could eat more real food if I could slow down and take the time to chew properly and concentrate - *and* stop before I am full.

But life is busy and I generally don't which means I am sick, which means I go back to fluids or soft foods. I can eat out with friends who don't know about the band if I am mega careful, so that is good.

I have had a few days recently where my stomach has been really sore - not gastric acid sore, but painful - very. Pre op I had a hiatus hernia, which was repaired during my banding op. I wonder if part of the repair has come undone. It is that sort of pain, along with difficulty swallowing - which is not the same as the difficulty swallowing with a tight band (I had difficulties swallowing for yrs due to the hernia)

If it continues I'll maybe get an endoscopy to see what is happening. But hiatus hernia repairs do tend to go wrong (in fact the NHS here would not repair it for me) (it is a complex procedure and many UK surgeons would rather manage the symptoms than go for surgery) so I'm not sure if I'd want more surgery.

Assuming, of course, that that is what the problem is. I've had my band for 3.5 yrs and this is a new pain - well, it's the old pain back again. It's not unbearable, but annoying. And I have to be careful with posture, how I sit, esp leaning forward, since sometimes part of the stomach gets caught under the diaphram (first time that happened I thought I was having a heart attack, seriously!)

I've not been reading blogs for ages, new computer and lost my old links, but will try to get back into it

Till then, love to all bandsters!

2011-06-20T04:29:00.000-07:00

Just to update to keep an accurate record of my fills/unfills - because I've used two diff providers neither of them has a clue what is in my band - nor do I, tbh, but I could work it out via this blog

I felt my restriction was getting to be less and less and was beginning to worry whether I had erosion of my band. It's not common, but it is not *that* uncommon either

I had an x ray done, privately, it cost £95 and I just had to walk in off the street and was out inten mins. I got a copy of the xray plus a disc with it on - great service, Harley Street Xray Express is highly recommended.

I had to wait a month to see Dr C again, and during that time I worried myself sick that the xray didn't look good and showed erosion/migration of the band.

When I finally saw Dr C, he thought the xray looked great, but warned me that erosion can't be diagnosed by xray necessarily; and added that in the 8000 Heliogast bands he'd fitted, there had never been one case of erosion.

And he gave me a 0.5 mil fill.

And today I am down to 142, losing weight ever so slowly,but I hope I am getting back towards my goal

Dr C always tells me I've lost enough weight while I think I could do with losing another 20 pounds!

Till next time. .

Updating

2011-05-06T07:34:00.000-07:00

I had 0.5mils replaced in my band on May 5th.

My weight is up by quite a bit, to 150 lbs, from a low of 124 lbs. Not happy. Got to make better food choices, don't feel any difference in restriction, tbh, but time will tell.

I also had an xray done, but won't have it looked at by a doctor till next month

Another un-fill

2011-01-14T10:08:00.000-08:00

I feel like the last one mil in my band has cost me at least as much as the operation itself!

Since a recent vomitting bug, the only serious vomitting virus I have had since being banded three plus yrs ago - not good - I felt I was being sick (pbing) too much and went to see Dr Marc about getting my band defilled by 0.25ml.

I only wanted a tiny tweak, since the band is working for/with me mostly right now and I am down to 133 pounds (9 stone 7).

He had different ideas, and when he stabbed my port with the needle, he said (and I could see) that fluid was pouring into the syringe, without him having to do any pulling. He said that that showed my band was under pressure. He let it continue until it stopped, by which time 0.8 (nearly a whole mil) had come out.

He insisted I have that removed, so I have.

Wonder how it will affect my eating patterns/weight loss

Happy New Year

2011-01-01T14:46:00.000-08:00

In the interests of honesty and fairness, I need to say that I feel better now. I somehow managed to pick myself up a bit since my last post, and got down from 10 stone 4 (or 10 stone 8 on a bad day) to 9 stone 12 (or 9 stone 9 on a good day). I realise that that is only ten pounds or so of difference, but it makes a huge difference to how I feel.

What happened to make that work? Well, I am no longer going to the gym, and I'm doing less exercise than ever since before this journey started, pretty much. But, on the other hand, I am probably less hungry - exercise always made me starving.

I took appetite suppressants off and on for a month (I never take them daily, just now and again, maybe 10 - 12 days a month) and that seemed to kick start the weight loss.

I'm now maintaining at around 9 stone 10. I'd love to be ten pounds lighter, but I can live with this.

I'm sorry I've been MIA for so long, I love the bandster community, and I read regularly, even if I don't comment

Happy 2011 everyone

A year ago

2010-10-30T16:35:00.000-07:00

Just looked back; a year ago I was 10 - 14 pounds lighter

I have gone back to the old pre banding regime of gaining about a pound a month, a stone a yr, and am working my way back to morbid obesity. . . .

Why? How?

No easy answers. I hate myself.

2010-10-30T16:27:00.000-07:00

And it is not going well nor easy. I seem to have a choice - total restriction/fluids only/occasional sloppies/no real food/lots of high cal garbage

OR

eat everything in sight

Either way, I'm gaining weight. Horribly. Terrifiyingly.

I am finding the regain/failure journey very hard. I look terrible in pictures; my clothes don't fit/are bursting/can't be tied

I'm getting fat. Again. For the thousandth time in my life, a weight loss method has failed me

I can't get the "sweet spot" where you can eat a little of most things, are never hungry and lose weight.

I can eat either nothing or everything and yes, I am having 0.25 mil adjustments.

Fills and unfills

2010-10-08T15:29:00.000-07:00

I wasn't going to update this, but in order to keep a record of my band life, I wanted to say that I had one mil taken out on Sept 17, weighing 10 stone 4; I felt that I was eating junk cos I couldn't eat food, and gaining weight like mad.

And I had 1.25 put back in today, 4 wks later, weighing 10 stone 8.

I am glad to have the restriction back. I've not been pbing so much the last month, just eating and keeping it down and gaining weight.

Not sure my band is tight enough. I drank the cup of water without and problems. I think I prob have dilation, but Dr M said no, he didn't think so. He was vague about the symptoms, he doesn't listen v much. Or maybe I don't talk much, maybe I should have talked more about what is happening, how I feel, etc, instead of walking in with my mind already made about what I want.

Band is ok; but not great. And if I keep re gaining, I'll soon be back where I started.

I used to panic if I got over nine stone. Then I was happy so long as I stayed under 9 - 7; then being in the nines with single figures was ok; then being nine something was ok. . .

Today, and for the last few weeks, I've been dreading hitting 11:00. I can cope (huh!) with being 10-09; 10-12 even.

But I really want to get rid of the extra 28 pounds. All the extra weight is around my tummy area, I look like I'm 5 months pg :-(

I tried getting a defill to see if I'd eat better and be healthier; instead I just got fatter.

So now, I've had a fill, to see if I'd eat less. I have no delusions about eating better or healthier, except maybe I'll start using the Cambridge Diet type drinks instead of real food. But my band is not tight enough for that. Hmmm, should I call the doc and ask to see him tomorrow? Ask for another 0.25ml?

I'm tempted. But I guess I won't. Not this month.

Update

2010-07-26T12:37:00.000-07:00

I'm not going to update this any more; but an online banding friend suggested that I leave it open, since it tells the whole of my story (well, the whole so far :-)) and might be helpful for newbies to read.

I will continue to read blogs, but for now, I'm not a blogster any more (grin, blogging-bandster).

Wishing everyone love and luck and happiness in their journeys, and look forward to checking in maybe in six months time

H x x

Monday

2010-05-24T07:05:00.001-07:00

Not sure if this is showing up or not - Google has been messing about a bit.

Bikini!

2010-05-03T12:15:00.000-07:00

No, not me, Catherine over at http://chroniclesfrombandland.blogspot.com/. Wow, you look great. I don't have bikini pics of me (not now, not ever) but pre op I took some pics in my undies.

They are not on here, but if anyone wants to see pics, email me (bandster@ntlworld.com) and I'll send you the link if I know who you are. (I'm paranoid, and not keen for some peeps in real life to find this blog - or ever see me in my underwear!)

Catherine looks amazing. I still wouldn't (BMI 21.5) wear a bikini. In fact I've never shopped for one. I wore one once in my life, I borrowed a friend's. Can't imagine that I ever will wear one, at the ripe old age of 39 again (lol)

Update

2010-04-16T10:05:00.000-07:00

It's funny, when I check my favourite blogs (and there are dozens :-) I feel kind of cheated when they go too long without updating, but I'm worse, I've not updated this in ages.

I didn't get the sickness that was going round the family (thankfully!), I felt a bit queasy, but wasn't actually sick. (I love hyacyinths and spring, and today I potted some geraniums). They will probably die cos I am not very great at looking after flowers, but hey, they are fun while they last)

I decided against having my band defilled a tiny bit the other weekend, I had planned it, but I knew it was just stress making me tight, and in the end I reckoned if I sat it out it would sort out. And so it sort of has. I'm still a bit on the tight side, but not losing weight.

(That doesn't surprise me since I have completely given up exercise until I get more medical tests done - physiology tests due this week, and more pelvic floor tests in May I hope) Till then I have to avoid lifting, running or anything that could put pressure on my pelvic floor.

So I am happy to be maintaining at 9 stone 10. Ideally I'd like to lose another half stone, but we'll see how my tests go.

I've started walking again, about half an hour a day, but can't do more cos I get quite a bit of pain if I'm on my feet too long.

I need to buy some spring/summer clothes; but have been putting that off. I'm not confident shopping and tend to stick to the same few clothes I really like (and have had for ages :-)

Hoping to get back to exercise sooner rather than later, but it is going to depend if I need pelvic floor/bladder surgery. On the plastics front, I am not having my facelift. The doctor never responded to my last email (when I pointed out that he *had* confirmed my booking, and was leaving me out of pocket by cancelling it). I did ask him when he would be happy to see me, but he's not got back to me.

I feel if I'm not personally comfortable with a surgeon, not matter how skilled he is, I don't want to have a face lift with him. There are other surgeons. . . and maybe I should start with a tummy tuck. I've been in touch with a different Belgian doctor re a TT consultation.

Though right now, moving between London and basically anywhere else is impossible, since Heathrow has been shut for several days. The ferries/trains to the Europe are running, but are fully booked and chaotic. So no immediate rush for my TT consultation.

I'm so happy it is spring. I love sunshine!

Happy Easter

2010-04-05T06:18:00.001-07:00

Everyone in this house apart from me has a sickness/vomitting virus. Nightmares. With a band, it is something I really don't want to get. I'm taking every preventative measure possible, and praying like mad.

It's been a hectic/miserable/sickey weekend. Ah well, these things happen, and we didn't have big plans.

Now off to read on the blogsphere - I caught a glimpse of a goal being smashed on Catherine's blog (http://chroniclesfrombandland.blogspot.com/) Yeay!

Lots on this week, more stress, learning to have a new member in our family (she's in a care home really near us, and is a dear old lady, and we will all be involved in visiting her, caring, etc) and on Saturday I am meant to see a fill provider about getting a slight unfill, since with the stress I've been mega tight.

In other news - the doctor I was supposed to be having my face lift with is messing me about. I confirmed a date with him later on this month, then I asked him a few questions (about his failure rates, law suits against him, etc - fairly standard questions I'd ask anyone if I was going to have surgery with them) and he became very defensive, and said he would not reply to my email, but I could phone him if I wished, but I had to understand that discretion is vital in this industry.

Then I get an email saying that I failed to confirm the date and can't have surgery after all.

I keep all my emails, so I emailed back showing the confirmation of my surgery and asked him if he would be happy to treat me at any other date? (Obviously, I am beginning to wonder, should I get a different surgeon? Is this fate and I should cancel it for a bit? Waaaaaaaaaaah. I'm such a chicken.)

Layout

2010-04-02T16:08:00.000-07:00

Sorry bout the layout in the last post, havent' really got the hang of gettting pictures and text to line up. Will do better next time, but too tired to fix this tonight.

Have a great weekend, bandsters - and step away from the chocolate :-)

Easter weekend

2010-04-02T15:52:00.000-07:00

A Happy Easter to all my fellow bandsters!

Hope you all got up to something interesting.

Here, it's a lot of work, caring for family who are moving to a nursing home. So the stress continues, and my band is still too tight. I am getting fluids down ok, but I try (I know, I shouldn't) to eat some real food as well, and that doesn't work very well.

I can manage crackers and cheese, crips (chips) and biscuits (though I try not to eat them) in the afternoon/evenings; but day time I am definitely only able to have fluids.

In fact when I wake up - before 6am - I can't have anything at all for a couple of hours, and even then I have to be realllly careful, coffee won't go down (prob cos I have milk in it), only water will. Hmmm, maybe I should try my coffee black for a bit (I used to love black coffee, but gave it up cos it isn't meant to be good for your stomach to have too much raw caffeine, and I've always had stomach issues)

. . .

but black coffee would prob do a lot more for me in the mornings than plain water and might stop me trying to "binge" on cup a soup by lunch time. Lol, this is not normal for a band, in case anyone new is worrying about having to live like this. My band is normally a lot more co operative, but this stress (which is manageable, I hope I can live with/thru it, without too much more hassle) has affected me.

I guess if the stress wasn't affecting my band, it would be giving me headaches or eczema or affecting me some other way. . . .

Off to de-stress and watch some TV (with a glass of white wine, though last glass I had would not go down at all - a band too tight for wine?? not good!)

Stress and bands

2010-03-31T10:45:00.000-07:00

Stress tightens my band - and life is stressed right now. Not in a too-bad-too-personal way (no death or divorce, grin) but I am caring for elderly relatives one of whom is moving to a care home, the other hospitalised, and I seem to spend 2 hrs a day on the telephone checking up and chasing up doctors etc.

And it is stressful - to the extent, lol that I spent all of last night dreaming about hospitals and care homes! And with that stress my band likes to tighten itself a few notches. So I'm basically on fluids only - well, I've managed a little chicken earlier on today and I'm eating a packet of crisps as I type, but I've pb'd a little bit of the crisps and it's taking me half an hour to eat a packet (in the bad old pre-band days I could eat a multipack in half an hour)

Didn't finish this post the other day - things are still busy and my band is still tight. Have an appt next week to see if I need a tiny bit out if things haven't settled.

I feel like it's not very fair to my band to keep fiddling with it, since the stress is not my band's fault, but on the other hand, living on soup, soft cheese and hot chocolate is getting a bit tiring.

I'm loath to get a defill since I realise that this isn't the fault of my band, but more of my life!

Mondays

2010-03-29T00:51:00.000-07:00

The best thing (maybe the only good thing, lol) about Mondays is that most of the bandster blogs I follow get updated over the weekend. I'm not online on Sundays, so by the time it gets to Monday in the UK I have lots of blogs to catch up on. Not, of course, that I don't have lots of other things to do to, it being Monday and all that, but today, these things can wait till I've had a long read of what all my favorite bandsters are up to.

Today is ds3's birthday, and in keeping with a family tradition, we all get the day off (except dh and ds1 who have to go to work). Now all I have to do is try not to eat too much birthday cake!

Weigh in this morning was miserable - 9 stone 12.4. How can anyone have 2 days' starvation, a colonoscopy and still gain 2.4 pounds?? I guess it is possible. Maybe I should buy new scales, grin.

Done and dusted plus NSV

2010-03-26T12:48:00.000-07:00

Colonoscopy over and all clear, thankfully. I had a general anaesthetic - I hate them, but I also could not bear the thought of a colonscopy under "sedation" - given that the last time I was not remotely sedated, and felt every ugly part of the procedure.

I am glad to be home, and surprisingly, not that hungry. I had a few cups of coffee and some soup when I got back to my room, but couldn't face the sandwiches (I never can eat bread) and only ate one of the biscuits.

Since getting home I've had the run of the fridge, but honestly don't feel hungry - great side effect off a GA, I guess. (I realise it is probably because of the great big tube that was stuck down my throat - she offered to show me it while she was prepping me for surgery, and I said yes, I'd like to see it - then promptly wished I hadn't - it looked far worse than it looks on medical dramas on TV! It is still quite sore to swallow, so I'll stick to fluids while I can.)

Despite yesterday's starvation and all the "preparation" I had to drink, when I weighed myself this morning I had put on a pound!!!! Talk about adding insult to injury . . . however, I am putting it down to water weight (I must have had four or five litres to drink yesterday) and hoping that when I do my weekly weigh in next week I'll be rewarded with a least a small loss.

At this stage (BMI normal) it is so much harder to lose weight (esp since I've been off exercise for the last few weeks, pending medical investigations), so that even 0.5 of a pound loss is good news.

Oh before I forget, I had a lovely NSV today. . . .

There I was all gowned up (you know how attractive - not - hospital gowns are), lying on a trolley (gurney) waiting to be put to sleep, and the anaesthetist started looking for a vein in the back of my hand. I have non-compliant veins so it took her a little while, and she remarked, "oh, another one - all my ladies this morning have been so petite" - Petite??? No one has ever ever called me that before, lol, not even as a new born baby. I was so thrilled I might have hugged her if I hadn't been lying down half dressed and attached to various monitors.

I do have quite slim hands I guess, but yeay, I like being "petite" (even though at nearly 5 ft 7 it is never going to be the truth, it made me feel good)

Hungry

2010-03-25T11:56:00.000-07:00

(This is how I feel)

It's been an odd day, drinking coffee, squash and laxative preparations. Thankfully I have not had to do anything at all, other than watch TV and surf the internet. I'm grateful to my dear daughter (dd) for cooking the family's meals today - not sure than I could have coped in the kitchen without eating something.

I feel really weak right now, but otherwise relatively ok. It's a long time since I spent a day without any form of food whatsoever (even post fill when I am on fluids only I have things like soup, which today I can't have)

Am going to have a bath and an early night. And will no doubt dream of food!

Time out

2010-03-25T02:15:00.000-07:00

(These are not pics of me - but of the results I'd like to get - the before pic is the second one, I couldn't get blogger to oblige me by switiching them round. This pics are taken from my surgeons' website)

I'm having a day off today, since I'm on starvation diet and will soon be rushing to and fro the bathroom. Nice to have a day off - not so nice to have it for this reason. However, it means I get a chance to do lots of blog reading and to catch up with editing photos and writing emails. I don't intend to do anything at all physical - couch potato to the core :-) I might stretch to doing some online shopping, but nothing more strenuous!

Another week

2010-03-24T04:30:00.000-07:00

Another week since I posted. I was down to 9 stone 10 last time I weighed, though I have high hopes of being less next week - not least because tomorrow I am not allowed to eat any food at all (only clear fluids) pre colonscopy; then on Friday I won't be allowed to eat until after the procedure.

And today I'm on a restricted diet of (band friendly) slider foods - biscuits, butter, cream, soft chicken, mashed potatoes. No fibre.

So I am hoping the enforced starvation will help the scales (trying to put a positive spin on it, there really isn't anything positive at all about enforced starvation!)

I am already feeling very sorry for myself. I get to drink lots of laxative laden fluid tomorrow, and am warned to "stay near a bathroom". Hmmmm, like anyone wouldn't?

In other news, I have decided to (as in finally booked) have a face lift. No one but me thinks it is at all necessary, but it's my face and my life, and why not? So I'll be heading off to Belgium at the end of April. I will take plenty of photos - not sure I'll have the courage to post them here.

Hope everyone is well in BandsterLand - Catherine, you've been MIA for a bit - busy with work? Bunny, you've disappeared again too . . ?

Doing ok

2010-03-17T17:31:00.000-07:00

Thought I was having a bad week, and to be honest, have had a few too many slider foods. . . but when I got on the scales this evening, fully clothed, they were kind - so I'm hoping that tomorrow morning (I am always lighter in the morning) they will be extra kind.

I don't normally weigh myself at night, nor dressed, but I was tidying up in the lounge and found that one of my teenage daughters (I have two) had moved the scales in there, so I took a deep breath and jumped on, "just to check".

Yeay for a better result than I expected (I didn't expect much: getting rid of the last ten pounds is so so so hard, believe me. But heck, I'd rather be battling the last ten pounds, than battling the other 80 odd pounds I've lost)

And Happy St Patrick's Day to all the Irish out there (I have a great-great-grandmother who was Irish - and two parents who are Celtic Scottish), hope you had a great day, and enjoyed the green beer.

Cheers everyone!

Cousin Bioring

2010-03-15T01:57:00.001-07:00

I checked on the WLS Info Forum; and Jacqui who was banded five yrs ago by my doctor, said, " . that the band type (the Cousin Bioring) due to it's high placement and the fact that it is considered a "soft" band has had no reported erosions and no reported slippages since he started placing them 6 years ago. "

That is good news, however, I don't want to be the first :-)

Brand New Roo

2010-03-13T10:20:00.000-08:00

Just some hugs to Roo (www.abrandnewroo.blogspot.com) living in the Middle East, who was banded in August and when she went for another fill, found out that her port has flipped - and it's going to cost $1200 to fix, and she can't have a fill before then.

Ouch. Sorry for you hun. Hope you get this fixed soon and get back on the losing track. (She has an amazing photo of her port movement and the attempts to do her last fill)

Ouch

2010-03-12T16:28:00.000-08:00

Having a stressful time - not band related. Dh's parents are unwell, and we live a long way away and it has meant a lot of work, phone calls and worry. Might not sound much, but for us, it has been a really tough time . . .And along with stress comes band tightening and this week I've not had the *sense* to go back to fluids for a couple of days, and I've been pbing too much

Right now my stomach just *aches* from a few pbs this evening. I am hungry but can't seem to find any food that stays down. And not much fluid either.

The pb cycle is bad. I eat too much or too fast; then I pb; stomach gets swollen; less food can go down; I'm stressed;I'm hungry - feels like I am starving; I eat too much or too fast; so I pb . . . and so it goes on.

Going to stick to fluids tomorrow, I promise. . .

I read on the Weight Loss Forum that in the six yrs since my surgeon has been fitting my type of band, there have been NO reported case (anywhere in the world) of that type of band slipping or eroding. That makes me feel a bit better right now, cos otherwise I think I'd be sure my band was about to explode :-(

Off to sleep now, and tomorrow is another day. I need to de-stress and give my poor stomach a rest.

Good luck to everyone - and I wouldn't like to worry any new or prospective bandsters, this isn't usual. I'm unusually stressed, and my eating right now is unusually bad.

In the pre band days I'd have eaten non stop, and then some more. That isn't possible any more, thankfully.

LOL

2010-03-09T13:31:00.000-08:00

Lol.

Today I had to see a colorectal surgeon - long story, bad family history, the odd symptom, but no, I don't think I have any major issues. Despite all that, I do have to have a battery of tests and will no doubt whine loudly about them as they come along.

(And in case anyone wants to offer me some sympathy, I have to have a colonoscopy, an endoanal ultrasound, pelvic floor physiology as well as a proctogram. That is probably TMI. . .)

The doctor I saw today was very nice and sounded quite reasonable about my band (they always ask what previous surgery I've had, I have to tell them all about childhood illnesses, etc - and then I have to tell them bout my band). He asked how much weight I'd lost and said very genuinely "well done, good for you" - rather than the rolling of eyes and "OMG *why*???" that I sometimes get from medical professionals.

And he nodded knowingly when I said I'd gone to Belgium for surgery, which is again and improvement on how a lot of doctors in the UK react (they usually do the shock horror, you went abroad? thing)

Anyway, he had me lie down so he could feel my tummy, checking for any abnormal swellings, etc. All was fine till he came to my port - which is very close to the surface and very obvious. He felt it, scowled, tried again, squinted, pressed it again, peered very closely and looked quite perplexed.

"That's my port" I pointed out.

Relief flooded his face. . ."oooohhhhhh" he said, somewhat embarassedly. . .

"I thought . . ." [he was wondering how I could have a tumour in that position, that felt so well defined, etc]

"Well . . . I wondered if I needed a crash course in basic physiology" :-)

He'd never met a bandster (though had obviously read about banding) - and had no idea that we have ports.

But he was good; non judgemental, helpful and - I hope - will be able to deal with my forthcoming nightmarish tests in a kind and non embarassing manner.

I realise this is a bit off topic . . but it was amusing. Not quite an NSV - more of an acceptance of my band, treating it as no big deal (NBD) - which doesn't often happen.

It's good when people (medical or otherwise) can just nod and say "yeah, ok, no big deal" when I mention my band.

What a difference 0.25 ml makes

2010-03-01T01:40:00.000-08:00

I am amazed at the difference having 0.25mils out makes. My band feels 100 times more comfortable and PBing is down to a minimum. And best of all, I really do feel full after eating even though I am not eating much.

While my band was too tight I was always hungry, struggling to keep food down, and PBing more than is safe.

So here's hoping that the scales are kind to me this week!

Award

2010-02-26T03:50:00.000-08:00

Bunny at http://www.weight-loss-expedition.blogspot.com/ sent me this award. Yay, I've never had a blog award before, and I know I don't have a big readership compared to most people in bandster blog-land. According to the rules I have to:

• Thank the person who nominated you for this award (thank you!)
• Copy the award and post it in your blog (done)
• Link to the blog of the person who nominated you (done)
• Tell seven interesting things about yourself
• Nominate seven bloggers
• Post links to the blogs of your nominees

Seven things about me. . . that could be difficult - will have to wait till another post.

Seven bloggers? Most of the banding blogs I read have already got this award, but I'll nominate

one, a new blogger, Julie, in Northern Ireland, http://julie-and-sammy.blogspot.com/ Julie is just back from Belgium with Sammy her band.

And although it is not a blog, I will also nominate WLS Info Forums (http://www.wlsinfo.org.uk/) as a wonderful place in Bandland for support and information, 24/7 (I guess it is similar to the US based Lapband Talk forum (though it covers all types of WLS)

Small defill

2010-02-26T03:33:00.001-08:00

I swore after my last fill that I wasn't going to mess with my restriction again for at least six weeks . . .but I did.

I was too tight - and although I like my band on the tight side, it is not going to work to have it where all I can do is drink coffee and eat chocolate! I've been waiting for it to loosen up, but when it didn't I was getting desperate.

And, interesting, you do not lose weight when your band is too tight. Or I don't. I just end up in starvation mode, living on coffee, chocolate and crisps, with no energy to exercise. And it doesn't take a degree in dietetics to work out that that is not a healthy nor sustainable diet.

I had an appointment on Friday to discuss plastic surgery, and en route to London stopped off for lunch with dh. I could only manage to drink half a cup of (thin) soup without pbing. Enough, I decided, is enough. I texted my fill provider since they had a clinic in London to see if they could fit me in, but they said they were full. Plan B was to turn up and plead desperation and sit there and wait (the doctor is only in London every other week, and wouldn't be there again till March 11).

Plan B worked, and I had 0.25mil out. I've never had such a small adjustment and it will be interesting to see if this solves the problem of my having 0.5mils in, then 0.5mils out; rinse and repeat several times (I hate to think what I've spent on that one half mil. . . .)

Picture

2010-02-24T07:25:00.000-08:00

(And that's Penelope Keith's face :-)

Hi, this is prob my favourite before and after pic, though I have gained about ten pounds from since it was taken (which is ok, since I am a bit thin in it) The before shot isn't my heaviest, there are very few body shots of me at my heaviest, I simply deleted them before anyone else saw them. . .as though destroying photos changed reality!

Picutres

2010-02-22T08:15:00.000-08:00

I've never posted personal pics here, not cos I don't want y'all to see what I look like, but cos I don't want certain people from real life reading this and giving me a load of cr*p - and sadly, yes, I do know people who would do that if they recognised me.

But, having been inspired by some amazing before and after pics from fellow bandsters, I'm going to post anonymised pics. Apologies for not showing my real self, but not everyone I know in real life is as kind, accepting or decent as the bandster community.

Stand by for pics. . .!

Breakfast

2010-02-22T01:52:00.000-08:00

My new breakfast food. I've never been very good at having breakfast, esp when my band is tight, but have been making and effort to eat yoghurt since it is supposed to be good for my metabolism to eat in the mornings. Not sure that it will do much to my weight, which has been stubbornly plateaued at 9-11 (137 pounds) for some time.

But to be fair last week was a holiday and I didn't go to the gym at all (waiting on the all clear from my GP) and I did eat more chocolate than I should. . . so what do I expect. Note to self, must try harder.

Wrong link

2010-02-19T02:07:00.001-08:00

Oops, the link to Bunny's blog in my penultimate post is wrong, it should be www.weightloss-expedition.blogspot.com

Tight band

2010-02-18T00:45:00.001-08:00

Talking of capricious bands, mine has been ok since my last fill, but this morning is very tight. I woke up hungry and wanted something filling, so tried to have some home made (fairly well blended) soup. Nope. It is not going down.

To be fair, I guess, my band is always tighter in the morning and maybe that was a daft thing to try to have for breakfast (I normally only have coffee). So I have given up on the soup and am about to have coffee.

I'm not normally hungry in the mornings, I have most of my calories between 4pm and 10pm most days, so maybe my band likes to keep it that way. Do most bandsters eat breakfast?

Sometimes bands don't work

2010-02-18T00:16:00.000-08:00

Catherine over at http://www.chroniclesfrombandland.blogspot.com/ was talking about why the statistics for bandster weight loss are so low

Q: Why do the statistics say that people lose only 50-65% of their excess weight with the band when everyone I know seems to be taking off all of it?

A: That statistic is an average, and it factors in the people who don't lose any weight because they do things like not get a fill or drink milkshakes every day. (Meanwhile, I wish that there was a statistic based on people who actually work their band -- I bet it's closer to 85-90%.)

Her gastric surgeon had some answers. But I do wonder if there are people for whom bands just don't seem to work. I have been banded 2+ yrs and have followed a few blogs where people lose 20 or 30 pounds, and then nothing. They stop blogging, and I never know what happens to them.

Bunny at http://www.weightloss-expedition.blogspot.com/ is someone who has struggled with a broken band, *14* fills or unfills, and yet, three years out is finding it hard to make much progress on her weight loss.

Beki at http://bekisgastricband.blogspot.com/ is someone I followed early on and who was influential in my decision to go to Belgium, but she hasn't moved much since her last post (she's on a forum I'm on and has had regain)

Melondrama is another bandster who seems to have stopped half way: www.melondramas.blogspot.com

And I have another blogger friend who has not lost more than 20 pounds since beeing banded in october 2007 - but her blog is private so I can't link to it.

I realise that people might stop blogging and still have sucess with their bands, but there are a scarily high number of bandsters on http://www.wlsinfo.org.uk/forums/index.php who are really struggling or going for revision to gastric bypass.

What makes the band sucessful for some people, while others struggle? I don't know the answer to that, but I realise that for everyone who does lose most of their excess weight with a band there are others who don't. Which may be why the overall statistics are as low as they are.

One problem which seems to hit the non-losing bandsters (I am trying not to use the word sucessful, since that implies some people have failed, while in reality it may be that the band has failed them, or that it simply wasn't the right thing for them in the first place, or that their "head issues" are too great for a band to work) is that they (and there are a lot of people with this problem on WLSInfo) are either so tight they can barely eat or even drink coffee some days, yet other days they can eat for England without restriction.

Other people don't tolerate restriction; in the sense that they can't accept the limitations a band places on eating.

I guess some people make bad food choices - ultimately, if you can swallow liquids, you can gain weight if you have high calories drinks (or alcohol) too often.

And some people have been plain unlucky and had band slippage, erosion or leaks.

Even with a working band, it is always going to be hard work to maintain my weight loss. I am scared that a year or two down the road I might be in the "no longer losing" category.

Would be interested in anyone's thoughts on this.. . .

Edited to add more links; and to give Catherine's surgeon his correct title.

Slow going

2010-02-10T03:57:00.001-08:00

I am not losing weight very fast - sigh. Down to 9 stone 11 and kind of stuck there. I have been snacking on high calorie foods in the evenings, which alas, will go through my band no matter how tight it is, and have stayed stubbornly at the same weight for a week.

Need to try harder.

But I am feeling reasonably positive and hope to shift the scales this week. At least I'm not going upwards :-)

I guess I will always have to battle with my weight - if I blink I'll be back up to 15+ stone !

Sending hugs to the bandsters who are facing possible cancer diagnoses, hope your fears are blown away and that everything is benign.

Major NSV

2010-02-03T15:31:00.000-08:00

Well, it was for me. I woke up today feeling miles better, and I wonder if I do need to go to see this surgeon at all, maybe the antibiotics did the trick. .

So I carried on with day two of week three of C25K. And I did it. I managed to run 3 minutes without stopping. I could breath!

I don't think I've done that since I was a pre-teen. Even when I've been on the thinner side of fat, I've never been great with cardio-vascular exercise. 30 yrs since I last comfortably ran like that.

Maybe there is hope for this couch potato yet.!

Official: Exercise if bad for you

2010-02-02T08:03:00.000-08:00

Grin, well, bad for me. After the gym last night I was feeling very rough, and by this morning had to make an emergency GP appointment and I have been referred to a gynaecologist for a possible bladder prolapse. Or it could be an aggressive UTI. .

Hope that is not TMI!

The doctor did said it was probably waiting to happen and had not been exactly brought on my running. I am glad I am not obese, since being overweight is one of the things that make this worse.

And I'm glad to have an excuse not to get back to running for a while, but we will see how I get on with the consultant. I haven't seen him since. . for five years. Grin. I hope he doesn't recognise me :-)

2010-02-01T12:50:00.001-08:00

This is not my photo :-) Made it to the gym, and struggled through day 1 of week 3 of C25k. I was not having a very good Monday and (don't ask) (I had changed before going out, then got sidetracked thinking I'd packed my bag but hadn't) got to the gym and discovered I had forgotten to pack my bra. I am too self conscious to exercise without it, (it would be dangerous) so I all but packed up and went home.

But instead I rang home and one of the children popped into the gym a few minutes later with one for me.

I was tired working out and glad to finish a fairly brief routine. I have back exercises (you do them on the floor) that I had meant to do, but I was too tired, so I'll do them before bed.

(They are from the Egoscue method, and I've found them quite effective before; when I was heavier. But I do need to do them)

(http://www.bodybalancefunction.co.uk/media/Cycling%20weekly%20September.ex.pdf)

But the cheerful news is that I was 9-13 (or 139lbs) today, so I was happy with that.

Got to keep chipping away.

In case anyone hasn't seen Catherine's blog, she is soooo near goal - I am so excited for her http://chroniclesfrombandland.blogspot.com/)

Monday

2010-02-01T07:46:00.000-08:00

This is how I feel. Mondays are never a good day. Work work work housework, work, I'm tired and I need carbohydrates. Or coffee. Or something. Ok I'm a wuss. I have had a horrible bitty sort of day not doing anything properly, and half the time getting nothing done, while getting further behind all the time in the things I am meant to do.

Off to the gym shortly - can't believe I am on week three of the c25k program. Not sure that I'll get past it (and week four looks positively terrifiying) but I suppose I can try. . . The scales at the gym are working again so I get to weigh in tonight and print a little ticket with my weight.

Restriction

2010-01-28T15:43:00.000-08:00

(I Googled "tight restriction" and this was my favourite image. Not sure what it is. . . )

I realise I haven't said too much yet about my actual fill. Well, that went as fills have done for me - painless, quick and expensive. This time, I was glad to notice that I didn't bleed for ages afterwards - maybe it is just pot luck if they hit a blood vessel (my knowledge of biology is scanty to say the least - maybe there are no blood vessesls there, I don't know).

I had some water immediately post fill, and bought 500mils of water in a bottle to take home with me (2 hrs on public transport) so that I could gauge how much fluid I was getting down. I knew I would only be able to have fluids for a couple of days. Er well, I knew I was only meant to have fluids, but I am no good at keeping rules.

I managed to get all 500 mls down within three hours, which is good going for me, and encouraged me that my restriction is not too tight.

But having to adjust to "bandster rules" again is not easy, and to be honest since Saturday till about Tuesday was all about "adjusting" and re-learning and I pb'd a few times quite unexpectedly, when I ate too much, too fast or while talking.

On Tuesday I think I began to get more into the swing of things, and managed to have soup while out with friends (up till then I would not eat with or in front of people), so I think I'm getting there.

It did take a few days for my "head hunger" to catch up and I'd find myself reaching for foods (pasta - steak! even ) that I can't eat while tightly restricted, and I just have to admit defeat and put them back in the fridge. When I know they will not go down, and there is no physical possibility of being able to enjoy them, then somehow it is easier to give them up, take them out of the equation and stop worrying about it.

(I wonder whether this means that long term I will struggle to find a happy medium. . .I wonder if there are some foods I am better to never eat, since when I do eat them, I over eat them. Or maybe of course I'll have a happier outcome. Watch this spot!)

Exercise etc

2010-01-27T04:38:00.000-08:00

Following the revelation that I'd gained more weight that I wanted while my restriction was loose (less?), I felt more inclined than I have of late to keep going to the gym, and managed to go four days (Monday, Wednesday, Friday *and* Saturday) last week.

I struggled to get through the three sessions of week one (days one, two and three) of the C25K program, but at least I am trying. I just get so breathless after 2o mins of cardio that I don't seem to be able to keep going.
And (I am the world's *best* at making excuses here!) I realise my body is adjusting to a drastic decrease in food and water intake, and I prob don't have a huge amount of energy.

So I am not going to beat myself up for not finishing the whole of the program. (It is only 2o minutes, not 2 hrs. But I did do some more cardio work, cycling afterwards, I just find running quite hard. And I definitely need to get a sports' bra.

Any suggestions for good makes? (When I was fatter I had a huge bust - and now I have lots of spare loose skin, a smaller bust and a large back: I take a UK size 36C now in normal underwear, but it never does seem like the right size. In fact I hate wearing it, cos I have so much loose skin to tuck in and hide away. I guess I need an old fashioned corset rather than a "sports' bra".

Hmm. Or surgery? If I could be sure it wouldn't leave me dead, disfigured or in pain, I'd definitely get some plastics work done. But there are no guarantees. Then I'd have to decide which I'd prefer - a face lift, tummy tuck, liposuction (all over), circumferential body lift, posterior body lift and breast lift with or without augumentation. And that would take some time. . .!

My biggest enemy - when it comes to exercise - is boredom. I don't often give up because of exhaustion or lack of energy or pain or tiredness; it is because I am used to being really busy mentally, and when I have nothing to do but keep running or cycling for half an hour and have no email to check or write, nothing to draft or correct, nothing to read or answer, I get terribly bored.

I haven't got a portable music player (cos I am normally at home and can play all the music I want) and I have found that reading a paperback doesn't really work for me when trying to run. need to borrow one of the children's iPods to see if that helps me.

Friday came at last

2010-01-27T02:41:00.000-08:00

Friday came at last and I trekked into London to have a fill. My fill provider (not my original surgeon, but equally competent) weighed me and said that I was a reasonable weight for my size - but when he checked how much weight I'd gained since a defil in November he was almost as horrified as I am, and said "then we have to fix it" (he's Belgian).

I was dithering about how much fill to have back in, since he only took half a mil out in November, but in my experience if you have fill out then back in, you need more in to make you back to where you were restriction-wise, somehow. (If that is accurate then eventually I'll need more fill than my band holds . . hmmmm)

I wondered whether I should have 0.5ml or o.75 ml but my doctor said he'd be happy to give me up to 1.5mls. .. so in the end (since I always think more is better than less) I went for 1 mil. He gave me a glass of water to drink immediately and I swallowed it without difficulty. Well about 50 mils of water, not a whole glass.

So that was good.

I haven't said how much he weighed me in at - I was mortified. I'd gained 12 pounds since seeing him in November. That is scary. Twelve pounds in one month? I do think the (unrelated) meds are accounting for some temporary weight gain there, but none the less, that is a scary amount to gain in less than eight weeks.

I was 148 pounds. Thankfully, some of that might have been water weight, and on Tuesday morning here at home I was only 141 pounds. (I would have weighed myself on the print-it-out machine at the gym on Monday, but the machine was broken)

2010-01-19T12:57:00.000-08:00

I really am eating for England just now. Side effect of medication and lack of restriction. Truely horrible. But on the positive side of things it is only 72 hrs till I have a fill. And I managed to do "Day One" of the Couch to 5K" programme at the gym today.

That meant that I was able to run for 60 seconds then walk for 90 seconds for 20 minutes. Yay. Never done *that* before. I can do quite a bit of cycling but running I find hard.

As a complete non-runner, which part of my foot should hit the ground first, on the leg that goes forward: my heel or my toes? I tend to land on my toes and rock back to my heels rathr than landing on my heel and moving forward to my toes.

(Not that it really matters if I never go running again - which is how I feel right now, I am very achey. Long bath would be nice, but I'll settle for an early night. And watching an old episode of the Biggest Loser)

(Does anyone in the UK have an iPod or phone that they can watch movies on? I get so *bored* exercising!) (I know you can get them in the USA)

2010-01-18T12:50:00.000-08:00

Finally made it back to the gym. I had this crazy idea that I might try to couch to 5 km project. I really am NOT a natural exerciser and I spend most of my life in front of the laptop, or the TV.

I joined a gym in July and was fairly good at going 2 - 3 times a week, but mostly did cycling or stretching or even power walking. Running is so NOT me. Well, I tried. Today I was meant to do 90 seconds walking, followed by 60 seconds jogging, etc for 20 minutes.

I lasted for ten minutes, by which time my bust had bounced up and hit me in the face so often I probably have two black eyes (seriously, I need a serious sports' bra); my face was purple, my heart rate was over 170 and I started to get pains in my chest. I don't think it was heart pain :-) but maybe my band was hurting?

So I stopped. I only did half of the first day of C25K - oh well, looks like it is going to take me longer than nine weeks. . . but my buzz word for this year is "COMMITTMENT" so I am going to try again either tomorrow or Weds.

Then I did some rather tame cycling and walking on a machine that has each leg going uphill at separate times; before collapsing into the hot tub and steam room; and wound up with two sunbed sessions.

And came home exhausted!

I also - not sure where I picked up the idea - decided that once week on a Monday, wearing a towel and with wet hair, I will weigh myself on the gym scales that give me printout of my weight, height and BMI. Good news is that my BMI was 22.6. Weight was higher than I'd like, but there is always next week. I'm going to keep the printouts and glue them into a scrapbook

(If you are starting out in your WLS journey, this might be a neat thing to do, wish I'd kept mine from earlier)

Have a good week, blogsters :-)

2010-01-14T12:42:00.000-08:00

I have decided that I am not going to weigh myself until I get weighed for my fill. I really do not have any restriction (or not much) and I am resigned to putting on a few pounds. Hopefully I'll get it off again easily once I'm filled.

I better!

I am trying to make better choices with food, but two things are hampering me (notice how good I am at excuses :-)) (1) I am really hungry. Like stomach-growling hunger. That didn't used to happen to me at all, pre band I never waited that long to eat (grin) and post band I didn't get like that. Not sure if it is to do with so little restriction, but my stomach gurgles and groans and rumbles a lot now.

(2) I'm on some unrelated medication which threatens that some might gain weight as a side effect. Sigh, I think I am one of them.

But I'm staying positive, and hopefully will get back to the gym *soon* now that the snow has cleared up.

Enjoying reading everyone's blogs - Dinnerland glad you are back open for business; Bunny, you've been away for a week, hope you are ok.

Dinnerland

2010-01-13T00:48:00.000-08:00

Hi, not sure why your blog has gone private, hope you are ok, and if you would be happy for me to read, you can invite me via bandster@ntlworld.com

I'm still struggling a bit with too many carbs and not enough restriction - and not enough exercise. *Bad* combination. But not long till Jan 23rd and my fill.

Snowed in

2010-01-09T03:17:00.000-08:00

Due to the snow in London, I wasn't able to get to my fill appointment today; so will have to wait another two weeks. Not too disappointed, I really didn't want to go out in this weather. It's been quite rough (for England: I know it is quite mild compared to North America)

I hope I don't gain too much weight while waiting.

Compulsive eating

2010-01-04T12:48:00.001-08:00

Not sure what is wrong with me (though I know my band is too loose and I'm getting a fill soon) but apart from that - I seem to be going crazy. I just want to eat and eat and eat. Not just food, but chocolate, junk, slider foods (chips, cheese and chocolate being my favourites)

I am trying, I really am, I start the day sensibly, I drink lots of water, I do ok till about 3pm, then I start to eat; and I eat for England. I don't pb (unless I eat sthg stupid too fast), but I eat and eat and eat and eat. . .

And I'm frankly terrified.

I dunno if it is a hormonal thing . . .or am I stressed? Or is it winter? Or depression?

Help!!! I've not eaten like this for a long time (like when I used to be obese)

I am trying all the standard things like keeping my hands busy, distracting myself, going for walks, baths, reading books, cheering myself up with other things, but heck, I dunno what is going on, I am eating everything in sight.

There has to be a reason; and I am going to find it, and whack it over the head. The weird thing is that my stomach often rumbles with hunger, so it's not like my stomach is full - it's sometimes empty (and a rumbly - tummy is not something that I have normallly experienced - yet the last ten days or so I feel it several times a day). Yet there is no way I need the food I'm grabbing. I would be embarassed to say what I've eaten today, so I won't.

But I'm going to sort this. Reductil (Meridia) here I come (if necessary, I'll try *anything* legal to keep my weight normal)

(No flames please!)

Question of the week

2010-01-03T23:25:00.000-08:00

Do you think our bodies are programmed to put on fat over the winter? (From the days when food was scare and the world was cold and there was no central heating or grocery stores?)

Would be interested in any thoughts on that.

Happy New Year

2010-01-03T23:14:00.001-08:00

Happy New Year to everyone in Bandster-BlogLand. I am still battling with little to no restriction, and the huge amount of snackable slider foods around the house, so am not doing too well weight wise. Haven't gotten on the scales this week, but will soon (honest!)

People on various blogs are talking about having "one word" to sum up their approach to 2010. For some it is adventure; others (http://carasquest.blogspot.com/) focus. I think my word for 2010 had to be "committment". Starting what I finish. Making more effort to be consistent. Committing to the bandster way of life for good, not just for a while.

I think I must have the world's worst will power. I have so many good intentions about healthy eating or exercise, but none of them seem to come to much. Bunny over at http://weightloss-expedition.blogspot.com/ has been giving up on additives esp MSG and that is making a huge difference to how she feels as well as her weight. While it seems like a great idea in theory, I find the thought of doing all that home cooking exhausting.

Maybe I have chronic fatigue or something. More like chronic laziness :-/

My thyroid continues to be unstable and I'm due for more blood tests this month. And my HRT which I'd been stable on for years has been stopped. Not by my GP, but the manufacturers no longer make it, and the substitute I've been given is rubbish. So need to go back and discuss with my doctor.

Have a fill coming up in the next week (hoooooooray) and look forward to getting back on track. Even if it means sipping hot water thru a straw for a few days (as I've had to do in the past)

I did manage a couple of sessions at the gym, (go me!) and hope to go again soon. Will post my weight once I've dared to get on to the scales.

Oh dear oh dear

2009-12-28T01:30:00.000-08:00

I am up to 10 stone 1.8 pounds. It is all my own fault (grin, wish I could blame some evil force at work in the universe, but I can't) - I've been snacking too much, my restriction is all but gone, and I've not been to the gym as much as I should or could have.

On the positive side of things, I've booked a fill, and am determined to try to cut down on what I'm mindlessly eating (quite a lot at this time of yr). Total intake today, two cups of coffee, and one Cambridge Diet drink. So far, so good. Roll on next week and my fill. I feel like asking for another 2mils, but since I just had 0.5mls out, I doubt I'd survive that. Not sure if it is worth having 0.25, but less is sometimes more when it comes to restriction.

At least I'm not facing yet another New Year's resolution to lose 100 pounds; I only need to lose ten or so. And that is not impossible with a band.

Bah Humbug

2009-12-22T04:16:00.000-08:00

I am not feeling Christmassy at all. I'm cold and tired and trying not to eat too much. Since my defill I've stopped pbing completely which is great (though if I do drink diet Coke which hasn't had time to go flat too fast it might come back up), but I'm scared of weight gain.

So I am anxiously watching every calorie, and I hate it.

One thing that never worked for me was the sense of not being hungry. I am always hungry and often thinking about food when I really don't need to eat. And although I get full easily, I also get hungry again quickly.

I think I had too much out at my last defill. It seems likely that my stomach was swollen with pbing and now that my restriction is less and that has settled down, the swelling has gone down and I have too little restriction.

Bands are hard work!

Enjoying the sucess stories out there in Bandland!

2009-12-19T16:13:00.000-08:00

Tough time.

Just gone by my 2 yr oppiversary. I really haven't lost any weight at all since this time last yr.
2 yrs ago I was 15 stone 3
1 yr ago I was 10 stone 4

Today I am between 9-12 and 10-2

Which means that in one yr I've not reallly moved at all. I don't want to stablized (and I am not stable) at 10 stone 2, 4, or 6. I would rather be 8 stone 2, 4 or 6. Lowest I ever got to was 8-12.

I realise it is Xmas, lots of lovely food around, lots of entertainment, out of routine, etc.

But oh my goodness, what am I going to do! I seem to be on the "regain wagon" hard and fast.

Not saying this to frighten anyone, but just to be honest.

I hate the fact I've regained weight.

I hate being too tight for clothes that used to look great on me.

I hate standing on the scales.

I hate the looks on people's faces when they last saw me at 8-12 and I am now 10 - 15 pounds heavier and their face says it all ("it was just another mad crazy crash diet, and though she lost so much weight, she is back on the way up up and up and given time she'll be fat fat fat again"

Soo o o o o what am I going to do about it? I guess a fill is on the cards, asap. And until then, self control, discipline and dieting.

Gym

2009-11-30T09:34:00.000-08:00

Went to the gym today for the first time in ages - I always feel better when I go, though I am a bit knackered from the exercise. I am really unfit, and I need to work on getting more diligent at going regularly.

Oh well, every little helps. When I was weighed at the band doctor on Saturday I was 136 lbs (though that was with quite a lot of clothes on)

Will weigh myself properly tomorrow.

I am eating more, but less often than pre my defill. So far.

need to make some changes

2009-11-28T17:13:00.000-08:00

Have been reading a lot of bandster blogs tonight and thinking things over a bit.

I need to make some changes.

I would like to stop eating so many ready meals (I am seriously bad at this. Although I cook decent balanced meals for the family, I do like to eat ready meals - curries, chinese, anything that qualifies as a TV dinner, I've probably eaten it this past month)

I would like to see chocolate as an occasional treat, not as an essential food group

I would like to cut out MSG and sodium a bit, and go back to a more natural diet.

(see Bunny's blog on MSG: http://weightloss-expedition.blogspot.com/)

I would like to exercise more.

Not sure I'll achieve these goals, but at least I have them. . .

2009-11-28T12:38:00.000-08:00

This list of questions has been posted on a few bandster blogs, so I thought I'd answer. .

ANY REGRETS? Are you happy with your decision and would you do it again?
Very happy. I would do it again tomorrow and the day after that if I had to.

ARE YOU SORRY, YOU DIDN'T GIVE TRADITIONAL DIETING ONE MORE TRY?
No. I'd done the "one last try" thing for years, and it never did work. Also, there is an element of dieting (or being careful in what I eat) with a band. It's not a magic wand

WHAT IS THE WORST THING ABOUT HAVING THE BAND?
Pbing, which I do quite a lot (sometimes) and the fact that the band only works on my stomach, not my mind. Sometimes head hunger can be excessive yet my band won't let me eat; that can be difficult

WHAT IS THE BEST THING ABOUT HAVING THE BAND?
Losing six stone (nearly 90 pounds). Defintely a good thing! I had dieted all my life and never lost weight like this, and never kept weight off, till now.

On a scale of 1 to 10 HOW HARD WAS/IS IT PSYCHOLOGICALLY TO GET OVER THE FACT THAT YOU CAN'T EAT THE SAME WAY ANYMORE?
About 6 - 7 (1 being easy, 10 hard). I do struggle sometimes with head hunger and wanting to "pig out" and I can't, and that isn't easy

HAS BEING BANDED MADE YOUR PERSONALITY CHANGE? For the better or worse?
Are you still able to party a little? (I am a wine drinker...can't imagine giving it up completely) and are you a party pooper now cause you can't party as much?
Not sure about that to be honest. I still drink wine and still party as I did. But in every day life I'd say I have changed. I am quieter in a lot of situations, no longer need to "overcompensate" for my "failings" (ie being fat).

I am more calm in myself, and probably less outgoing, happier to take a back seat. It hasnt' made me more assertive as some bandsters find.

HOW MUCH HAPPIER ARE YOU WITH YOUR BODY? I am wondering what I will look like 50-80 lbs thinner. I am 47 and will have a "lose skin" issue.

With my clothes on I am about 80% happier with my body (still got fat calves and ankles and I prob need a face lift). With no clothes - hmm, lots of work needed, I have a lot of loose skin on my tummy and I have no behind at all, just saggy skin. I'm 43.

HAVE YOUR RELATIONSHIPS WITH OTHERS CHANGED? Spouses? Family? Friends? Strangers?

See above re personality. Family - no, my dh loved me like I was, that hasn't changed. At least one of my kids have said that they think I looked better fat (!!!) prob cos my face has gotten a lot thinner.

Friends - some are different towards me, not everyone likes it when the fat friend becomes a thin friend.

Strangers - yes, you do get treated differently when you are thin.

DO YOU FEEL LIKE THE SAME PERSON OR COMPLETELY DIFFERENT NOW THAT YOU HAVE LOST WEIGHT?
A bit of both. It takes a long time for my head to catch up with my body. I still avoid normal clothes shops, and buy a size that is too big online (!)

Also, and this is probably a post in itself; when you are overweight long term and struggling always to lose weight, it is easy to think that if you were thin then life would be perfect, everything will be different. But it's not. All that has happened is that I've lost weight. The rest of life is just like it was. The good, the bad and the ugly. But now, I have nothing to blame for the bad and the ugly (in the past I'd have blamed my weight)

Had a defill

2009-11-28T12:23:00.001-08:00

I straggled (as in struggled, but it was wet and miserable) into London this morning to see a fill provider (not my original surgeon, but he is almost as good - Belgian, Dr Marc Focquet, (website here) .

I explained that I wanted a little out because I am too restricted right now - have been pbing quite a lot which is not a good thing, and have been eating nothing but junk, which is equally not a good thing. He is a good doctor and always listens and thinks before offering advice. He suggested taking out 0.5mils, which was ok with me.

It wasn't painful (no more than usual - I am a complete baby with pain, I hate it) when the needle went in, but, which was unusual, I bled quite a bit, and now have a black and blue bruise the size of a 50p piece where my port is. Hmm, that has never happened before.

Didn't feel different after the defill - Dr Marc showed me the amount he'd taken out in the syringe, and it really is tiny, I did wonder how much difference it can make.

Since getting home, I've been able to eat soup, coffee and chocolate :-) I know, I know, keep off the chocolate. I feel like I've been a bit dehydrated the last week or two, since getting any food to stay down was difficult, and although I could drink a lot of fluid, a lot of it did come back up.

Feeling more human since my defill. Just hope I don't start gaining weight too fast.

Update

2009-11-24T05:41:00.000-08:00

There hasn't been much to say on the banding front lately. I've still been reading lots of blog and keeping up to date with everyone, some spectacular progress being made, and NSVs all round.

I'm 133 pounds (9 stone 7), which is ok.

But my band has gotten tighter for no reason, and I've been pbing quite badly. So I'm booked to see a fill provider (not my surgeon) on Saturday to get a tiny defill - I'll probably ask for 0.25 mils out. £100 is a lot to pay for 0.25mils, but life is getting too difficult with my band this tight, as there is very little real food I can eat; and even slider foods are coming back up sometimes.

In other news, my GP rang today, my last blood results

came back showing that my thyroid is low.

My thyroid tends to be unstable, sometimes up and then down, so I haven't often had medication for it. But I have to go for more blood tests to get it checked again. I'm not very good at going for follow up appointments, the doctor has to chase me up, I guess I am too busy with real life (and my band doctor) to often go to my GP.

If my thyroid is underactive, it might mean I get medication which might make me less tired and help my hair.

Since WLS my hair has been a disaster - it was never partic thick or glossy, but post op it has been (and it is nearly 2 yrs) very poorly and miserable. Almost embarassingly so. I'm tempted to get it cut very short to see if it would look better, but I am not sure. It really doesn't grow fast at all - I know cos it is dyed, and while my friends have to do their roots fairly often, I hardly ever have to. . . ever cloud has a silver lining.

Am meeting a friend who I only see a couple of times a year in a couple of weeks. A never-had-a-weight-problem friend, who is fascinated by my weight loss (she knows about the band)

Talking of people knowing, my mom was visiting last week. And she was soooooo curious about my weight loss it was difficult. I last saw her in July 08 when I'd lost a little weight and she was pleased for me (she is one of those people to whom being thin is *the* most important thing in life; and left me with many hang-ups about it over the years). Then I saw her briefly in August this yr (very briefly) and she was delighted at how thin I'd got - but like all previous attempts, she was sure it was a crash diet, and that I'd soon put it all back on.

So seeing me three months later, still the same weight, has puzzled her completely.

I've yo-yo'd between really quite fat and really quite normal-sized over the years, but never stayed normal sized, always got back fast to being fat. So she is very very curious as to what I've done this time.

She's known when I've taken Xenical, Reductil, etc, and she watched me fail with these. I'd never tell her. . . I hope she doesn't ask me straight out.

A to Z

2009-11-09T15:34:00.001-08:00

Have see this on a few bandster blogs. . . not sure how interesting it is to anyone, but here goes . .

ABCDEFGHIJKLMNOPQRSTUVWXYZ

A
- Age: 43 (and going to stay here for some time - last yr I was 38)
- Annoyance: children who lose their pencils/books/concentration
- Animal: cat definitely

B
- Beer: Haven't drunk beer for 20+ yrs; it makes me throw up terribbbbbbly
- Birthplace: Stornoway, Isle of Lewis, Scotland
- Been in Love: Not sure
- Been bitched at: Yeah, no end
- Believe in yourself?: On good days
- Believe in God: Absolutely without a doubt
- Before weight: 220lbs ish

C
- Car: I don't drive
- Candy: any chocolate
- Colour: red
- Cried in school: not till I was quite old (like 17)
- Chocolate/Vanilla: chocolate always
- Chinese/Mexican: Chinese always
- Cake or pie: cake
- Country to visit: New York City. Been there once; it is a place without equal. London and Amsterdam come close, but my heart is in NYC

D
- Day or Night: Night! Always.
- Do the splits?: Never; though I did gymnastics in my teens

E
- Eggs: now and again
- Eyes: Brown :-( All my family have green. S'not fair.

F
- First crush:John MacNaught in Y10
- First thoughts waking up: It can't possibly be morning already??
- Food: yeah, now and again

G
- Greatest Fear: the day of judgement
- Goals: not sure than I have any
- Get along with your parents? - now and again

2009-11-04T18:47:00.000-08:00

Nine stone eight

I am so happy with that

I have not been trying at all lately

Life has been difficult; I have been comfort eating

I've had too many "liquid" calories, etc

And - big big and

I have avoided the scales.

So, finally tonight I plucked up the courage to jump on (weighing at night is not the best, cos apparently one is always lighter in the morning)

And I was only nine stone eight pounds - which is 134 pounds or 60.9kg

I'd love to be ten pounds (or five kilos) lighter, but right now, I can live with that, since I really haven't been trying, haven't been exercising (real life got in the way), and have been comfort eating quite bit

Yahooooo for my band. Without it I'd be gaining 2 - 3 pounds (1 -3kg) a week, given all the other "stuff" that is going on in my life right now. I know I would, I'd be seeking solace in food par excellence.

Yahooooo for the fact that my band has forced me on to the straight and narrow; and yeah, I am still ten pounds heavier than I'd like; but I am no way where I'd be without a band.

I could always lose weight when I tried; sometimes, lots of weight. But then when times got tough, life got difficult, things weren't easy etc; I'd give up on "the diet" and pile all the weight back on again.

With my band (God bless him) I can't give up. I can't just eat three whole pizzas without stopping, nor a whole family pack of crisps, nor yet seventeen of my son's homemade and utterly delectable donuts.

Will wont let me (my band is called Will Power). And he really won't let me get fat again. Even when the going gets tough and the tough want to get eating.

Just a thankful post. It is nearly two yrs since I was banded; I have kept between 80 and 90 pounds off since my op (more if you count the highest weight I ever hit).

Maybe this is really going to work???

I am not convinced on the one hand. I have read the statistics - at five yrs out almost all dieters have regained their original weight. AND, which is scarey, so many bandsters do well for a bit, lose loads of weight, then regain it all and go for an RNY. (check out http://www.wlsinfo.org.uk/forums/)

But for tonight, for me, this is working; and I am happy. . . .

How long?

2009-10-28T18:57:00.000-07:00

In response to a discussion started on Dash's blog, I wrote this. We are discussing - how long physically does a band (it is after all a bit of plastic inside you) last? And what do you do when it disintegrates/collapses/falls apart etc.

It is only a bit of plastic. . . our stomachs remain unchanged (compared to having a gastric bypass or one of the more radical types of WLS - weight loss surgery)

I wrote:

You said
"[once at goal weight/ in maintenance] how often do we go back to the doc and what does he do for us in regards to the band then? "

That is the million dollar question (let's say US dollars for Catherine's sake :-))

I dunno

I dunno when or whenever or however I may need the band out

I dunno if I could keep up my weight loss (90 pounds ish) without a band

I dunno where and when and if I might need a replacement (I was 41 when I was banded; I expect, God willing, to live for another 40+ yrs)

I dunno the answers.

These are good questions. I love to hear from long time bandsters (like 5+ years) since five yrs of maintaining weight loss seems to be the "holy grail" in weight loss circles (not just WLS circles)

My surgeon (who is very well respected in England and Europe and who personally got out of bed to save my life) warned me before I committed to gastric banding that my band was NOT a life-time article.

Sometime, he said, in the next 15 - 20 yrs it will fail. I might be able (he thought 80% likely) to live with that, but have a 20% chance of needing surgery to get rid of the band which has collapsed/died/fallen apart etc.

He assumed (I don't) that by then I would have my weight under control, and that any issues with the band would be purely physiological.

Hmmmmmmmm

Lots to think through. Am not yet 2 yrs out. Best thing I ever did for myself was to get a gastric band. I never go a day without being thankful (lol and sometimes I hate it; but only for a few minutes here and there)

I love my band.

I don't want it to die

I realise it will prob die before I do

(this sounds like I am talking bout a kitten!)

If and when it does, I'll re assess the situation.

Sorry to ramble on

Hx

I still don't have any answers. . . .in fact the longer I live with my band, the more questions I have.

I am very physically aware of my port - it is prominent and since it is stitched to muscle, it is never painless.

I am also - harder to explain - aware of the band. I can feel it round my stomach all the time, although I can't physically put my hand on it cos it is behind my ribs. Nonetheless I can feel my band whenever I eat, drink, swallow, or bend forward. It is very much there in my life.

I can also - and this is unusual - feel the tubing between the two (port and band). Because of where my port was placed, as I lost weight, it has become very very close to my skin/the surface. I can feel it all the way round, and can feel the tubing coming from it up to my band.

Were I (God forbid!) to wear a bikini in public, you would see my port very obviously. And anyone who touches my port (like dh, and kids - that is all!) can immediately feel the tubing too.

Cos of the port placement and my weight loss, the plastic bits are very very near the surface.

It is not a bad thing. . . since I am in a happy marriage where my dh knows about my surgery. But if I were a singleton, I'd be very very - (nervous?) about the fact that I have a large bit of internal plastic plainly obvious in my abdomen.

Getting back on topic here - how long will I have it? I don't know. I have three dental implants (bits of metal screwed into my jaw which hold crowns which look like real normal teeth - but in reality, they are dependant on large metal screws run into my jaw) and I feel like I can live with them forever. .

Which is partly why I thought I could cope with a band rather than a sleeve or RNY.

Any opinions, please share. Apologies for hijacking The Dash's question - she's linked down the side, read her blog, it is a great read.

Hx

Measurements

2009-10-16T17:44:00.001-07:00

Despite my weight loss, I still have body parts I hate

Especially (since reading about Catherine's NSV Catherine's Boots ) my lower legs.

I am cursed.
(and no, this is not a pic of me! I found it online; if I looked like this I would not be complaining)

I have lost 90 pounds (on a good day).

But I stillllll have calves that measure 15 inches. And cankles that measure 10 inches.

If it is any consolation to me (not much - I never ever fit into any jeans) I have thighs 17.5 inches, and hips of 33 inches; and my waist is 36 inches.

How can I ever fit into clothes?? My BMI is around 20. Theoretically I am thin. Huh. With a 36 inch waist?

Maybe I need a tummy tuck and a lower body lift and and and - lol I haven't gotten into my upper body size, but just for the record, measured without a bra on. . . my bust is. . . 43 inches

I just about fainted when I worked it out right now.

The weird thing is that my BMI is on the low side of normal (as of tonight it is 20.8). Ok, great, BMI 2o, bust 43 inches, waist 36, hips 33.

What planet have I come from? And how do I fix this??

Why ??

2009-10-09T08:50:00.000-07:00

Why do some bandsters do really well (Catherine55 is a prime example) (http://chroniclesfrombandland.blogspot.com/), yet others (I am a member of WLSInfo Forums) really never get anywhere and after a miserable couple of years decide to go for RNY bypasses instead. Or they just give up.
What makes the difference? Is it a physiology thing - ie depending on where the band is placed or the fill level? Or is it all in our heads, and some people are better able to follow the bandster rules than others? Or (I hope not!) is obesity so heavily (no pun intended) genetically programmed into some people that bar being in a third world prison they would never lose weight?

This week

2009-10-02T08:56:00.001-07:00

Another day, another dollar. .. .

I realise that now that I am at or around target weight, this blog could get boring. There isn't so much going on each week as there used to be.

Bunny, thanks for commenting, I am amazed you read all the way through my blog. You are right, I never thought I was getting anywhere until I did. . . it wasn't an easy trek.

Today I took a deep breath and jumped on the scales - nine stone eight pounds.

I was pleased, thought it would be worse. Ideally I'd be ten pounds lighter, but I can live with 9-8.

I had a follow up appt for my varicose veins today; short appointment, several painful injections that now look like bee stings all over my calves. Interesting to note that although I have a horrible family history and had one slight varicose vein when I was 19, I've never had them badly until I lost weight.

Apparently that is common - when you lose weight, you lose the fat which was supporting the veins and they collapse.

I will never have nice legs; but I hope I'll soon have less horrible ones. .

Today I had to go into central London, and between one thing and another, didn't manage to eat until 2.45pm. I had half a box of microwave chips with some cheese, then some salted cashews (can you see the fat??) (I did take Xenical since I'd eaten so much fat)

I'll have supper later, not sure what.

Back from the Brink

2009-09-22T23:44:00.000-07:00

"If you feel you are losing control of your surgery specific food intake what pulls you back from the brink?"

That question was asked on the WLS Info Forum. This was my reply:

I take a deep breath, and give myself a stiff talking to, and go back to fluids only for a few days (or fluids mostly at least - milky coffee, soups, slim fast - that seems to break the snack-habit which is my commonest downfall)

My over eating is always emotion-related, and I've learned (or I am learning) to forgive myself for it, and just sit it out till I get over it, and then cut back to get my weight down a few pounds.In the past I'd have hated myself for gaining five pounds so I'd have eaten till I gained ten, then dieted like mad till I lost four and hated myself for not losing fourteen. . .

My band is a brilliant tool. It does stop me "self destructing" like I used to do, since I can't physically eat enough to gain a stone in a week (I used to be able to) (easily) I have a really slow/low metabolism, and can only eat about 800 cals a day without gaining weight. That is a sad fact of life. I don't think that will ever change. But now, with my band, it is much harder to eat 5,800 cals a day

What pulls me back from the edge? My band doesn't let me crash over the edge as fast as I used to. It's like a parachute - I still go over, but more slowly. And I'm learning that that is ok, so long as I get up again.

Maintenance

2009-09-18T08:18:00.000-07:00

As far as maintaining my weight goes . . I'm not v good at it. I am constantly gaining a little then losing a little.

I love reading other bandster's blogs, it is always really inspiring to find out how other people are doing. Sara at http://saragetsskinny.blogspot.com/ makes some interesting points.

"Do a web search for weight loss related blogs, and you’ll turn up approximately a kajillion sites. Start clicking on them, however, and you’ll soon realize that the vast majority of them fall into two categories:

1. Relatively new blogs by people who are in the first several weeks or months (or days, even) of their current weight loss effort, and

2. Pages long abandoned with their last entries a static reminder of better times.

Given that weight loss is generally impermanent in nature, it makes sense that the websites it inspires are equally so. If statistics say that only about 3% of us will ever achieve the holy grail of weight watchers everywhere by taking (and keeping) the weight off, then it’s probably safe to assume that some 97% of weight loss bloggers will disappear along with the success they had at the scale. I understand this, but it still makes me sad."

I guess part of the reason I am going to keep this blog going is because I have been doing it for nearly two years. There aren't that many banding blogs out there which cover that length of time. And maybe this will be useful for someone who is starting out.

No pics today, sorry - but again, if you want to see before and after pics, leave a comment, or email me bandster@ntlworld.com

Update

2009-09-14T18:47:00.000-07:00

Well, I'm back. Sort of. I gave up the other blog, I guess I wasn't happy about being so open online.

I guess at worst it's easy to imagine my mom reading my blog. No one I know IRL reads this. At least not as far as I know.

Maybe they do. At least they'd know I don't have terminal bowel cancer. Which is what they all imagine since I've lost so much weight for no reason . . . .

Anyway. . .

If anyone reads this and would like to see before and after pics - let me know, leave a comment. I am happy to share pics with real people who want to see them. Just not happy to put myself online for the world to see.

Kudos to those of you (Dash, Catherine, etc) who can. I can't.

Soz guys

The End

2009-07-10T05:41:00.000-07:00

Not the end of my banding journey, but the end of this blog.

I am going to switch to a new blog, and will take this one down in a month's time.

I feel that there are far more people who read than comment and I am not sure why.

If you are interested in reading more , email me at bandster@ntlworld.com or leave a comment here, and I'll give you my new blog address. Sorry if this sounds paranoid, but I've been having some bad feedback in real life from things written on this blog.

PS

2009-07-08T08:55:00.000-07:00

Have booked a band defill, I hope. It is early and I have a meeting, so if the doctor is late I will miss him. Hmmm.

Not that I really want a defill, but something has got to give, and I don't want it to be my band. Now to decide, how much to have out. . .

Struggling

2009-07-08T08:25:00.000-07:00

The last week or so have been hard. Probably longer than that, actually. The hot weather has made my band tighter, and that has made me sicker which has irritated my stomach and made my band tighter.

So I seem to spend life hungry and tired, and never able to get proper food down, while nibbling constantly and not-good-for-you food - you know the stuff like crisps (chips) dip, nuts, ice cream and er anything liquid. Which is NOT good for me.

I am in the horrible position of being so restricted that I am "hardly eating" in terms of food, yet I have put on four pounds. I am now 9 stone 6. And growing, at this rate.

I have two choices, accept the tight band, go on to something like the Cambridge Diet/Slim Fast and get used to not eating food (not sure how that is going to work . . .) or have 1 mil out of my band to give myself a chance to eat real food and hopefully lose weight because I won't be eating so much junk.

Sigh.
This is not good. I am pbing constantly, like 20 times a day? I don't count,but everything I try to eat gets stuck; I'm sick, I get hungry, I try to eat, it gets stuck. . . and so it goes on.

I'm also getting heart burn/acid indigestion, which is *bad* - I never normally get this. I know it is from the irritation to my band/stomach caused by poor diet and pbing non stop. To explain how tight my band is, I just had some lovely (huh!) Gaviscon extra (for foreign readers, this is a thick, gloopy, mint tasting, chalk textured antacid) and even that is likely to come back up, since it is not clear liquid.

Boooo. I am having a bad day. Writing this helps. I'm looking into getting a defill on Friday, though that will be complicated cos I have a meeting to go to; and there is the problem that any defill is likely to make me gain weight really fast. And even if I have a defill now, I will have to have a refill soon. . . which is £200 down the drain.

I hate this yoyo-ing. It is as bad as being on diet. And it proves that my head issues are still well and truely there, and I've not learned anything really.

Thanks for letting me vent.

Maintaining slowly

2009-06-27T13:25:00.000-07:00

I seem to be fairly settled at around 9 stone 3. That isn't to say it is easy, I wish, grin.

Because I am home based, I am around food all day. I can never eat a huge amount at once, but cos I can eat more later, then later then later, then again, I have to be careful that I'm not adding up calories without realising it.

I do find when I am out and about doing other things that I lose weight more easily - when I'm at home, I am more likely to take risks, and try to eat food that my band hates, or eat too much, cos if I am sick at home it isnt the worst disaster.

However when I'm out with friends or anywhere other than home, I am much more careful and don't overeat, and I find I'm likely to lose a couple of pounds that week. . .

Moral of the story - stay home moms have more probs with bands :-)

Found some photos

2009-06-27T13:20:00.000-07:00

Found some old photos of myself injecting blood thinners after surgery, don't think I've posted them before - pretty scary stuff!

My stomach is currently pretty horrible. But at least it doesn't look like this any more. . .

Biggest Loser

2009-06-22T14:24:00.000-07:00

Been watching the TV program, UK version. I am about ten days behind, cos I never have time to watch it in real time, so always see it on catch up tv. . .

They had this episode where they had to pick up the weight in fat of what they'd lost. It looked huge and heavy.

I've lost . . (6 x 14) + . . . . nearly 90 pounds. (or 38 kg). Wow. Would NOT like to see that in fat that I had to pick up and carry around.

That is the weird thing about weight loss surgery. You lose weight almost so slowly that you dont notice it. If you read back on this blog I had times where I wasn't losing, or where I was fed up cos I didn't seem to be losing fast enough, I felt I was going nowhere, etc.

But now, 18 months on; wow. I am a lot lighter than I was. I don't actually look fat any more.. . .

Hard for me to say that, my mind hasn't yet caught up with my body.

Low blood sugar?

2009-06-20T12:04:00.000-07:00

The other day I had a weird experience.

I don't normally do much exercise - to be honest, I do none at all. I am absolutely sedentary and don't like going upstairs more than a couple of times a day if I can help it.

Was out with friends last week, and went for a brisk 20 minute walk. Then for a swim and then to a sauna and steam room. Then a 20 min walk home. By the time (noon) we got back, I was beginning to feel dreadful.

All I'd eaten all day was one cup of coffee. I felt really nauseous, sick, dizzy and weak. And kind of spaced out? Like I wasn't in touch with reality.

I had felt ok while swimming, though I'd found the brisk walk quite tiring, esp on the way home, and found it hard to keep making conversation while walking (getting out of breath).

I had to go out of the steam room cos I felt dizzy,but thought it was just the heat.

But the sick/weak/weird feeling kept on for ages. In the end I thought it might be low sugar, so I managed to drink some fruit juice; then some more.

I felt worse and worse and began to wonder if I was going to have to call an ambulance. . I couldn't eat any food, but thought that fruit juice might help my blood sugar levels.

Eventually it did. Wow was I grateful to start feeling "normal" again.

And I will never ever exercise on an empty stomach again!

Photos

2009-06-20T11:54:00.000-07:00

I've put pictures of myself pre and post op on to a separate private blog; if you want to see them, leave your email address and I'll send you an invitation.

Starving

2009-06-19T01:39:00.000-07:00

For no obvious reason I am starving. It's 0930, and I've been awake for 4 hrs. Had two cups of coffee since waking and starting to nibble pistachio nuts, but decided to think what I really want to eat. . .

A tin of these! Thankfully we live near a supermarket, so I can go to get some before lunch. My stomach is rumbling at the thought!

Friday 19th

2009-06-19T00:30:00.000-07:00

And 8 stone 13.9 pounds this morning, which surprised me cos I feel like I've been pigging out a bit lately. Maybe it's dehydration cos of the warm weather (beautiful here in the South of England).

Still debating about posting personal photos here. .

Oops

2009-06-17T06:47:00.000-07:00

It is Wednesday again and I haven't updated this week. Not sure how much I weigh (can't often say that) cos I've not been on the scales for a few days. I was down to 9 stone 0.3 pounds on Friday. I'd like to get under 9 stone, but since then I've eaten too much.

I didn't have to eat it, but I did. Sigh. I realise now that I am in maintenance mode; not trying to lose or gain weight, just stay sort of level. It isn't easy, I think it is easier to be losing rather than standing still.

My diet is not the world's healthiest, but over the weekend I did well. I had a girls' night out with a couple of friends on Friday and Saturday. We had dinner at an amazing restaurant (http://www.yauatcha.com/) which served up small portions of food, so I was able just to pick and choose what I wanted.

I don't think any of the others there noticed what I was or wasn't eating. Two of the friends who were at dinner know about my band, but we didn't discuss it. One of them did tell me (she's a good friend!) that she reckoned I looked more like 10 stone than 9 stone. (???!!!).

She is probably right, since people are always surprised how light I am for my size; I think I have light bones or something.

I'm still not really used to the fact that I am 9 stone something, instead of 200 pounds. I was reading an old journal last night, I was 14 stone 9 and really trying to lose weight. At that point in time I'd never heard of gastric banding. But I had been dieting all my life.

I am so glad that I found a way out of the endless cycle of "gain-lose-struggle-lose-gain-regain"

I've thought about posting photos here. . . .but I am nervous in case anyone who knows me in real life and doesn't know about this blog stumbles across it and recognises me.. . hmmmm.

If anyone wants pics (The Dash?) you can leave your email address in a comment and I'll send some privately. Or am I just being paranoid, does it really matter if real life people find this blog?

Not sure.

A Scale Victory

2009-06-10T05:50:00.000-07:00

Finally discovered what NSV and SV mean - as found on lots of other bandsters blogs. . .

Scale or Non Scale Victory.

Today was an SV. I was 9 stone 0.8 pounds. I do think that I have lost a couple of pounds because I had a horrendous dental appointment the other day and really could not eat afterwards. I had some meal replacement drinks, and plenty fluids, but couldn't eat. Still can't eat properly, my mouth is swollen and sore. . ouchie.

I look like Donald(a) Duck. Not funny, esp since I am meeting friends at the weekend, for a fairly important girlie night out together, followed by a trip to Queen's Tennis Club.

I really don't want to go there looking like Donalda Duck, no one is going to notice weight loss when my lower face is swollen like I've been hit by a bus.

I hope the swelling goes down.

So it has been a good week, scales wise, but not so good in other ways.

Monday

2009-06-08T15:17:00.001-07:00

Nine stone two point 8 pounds.

Better than it has been lately. I am glad. But having said that I have had a rotten day today, eaten too much of the wrong stuff. I have this thing about garlic and herb dip. Which is really just mayonnaise (liquid fat) with garlic flavoring . . .

I like to nibble tortilla chips dipped in garlic and herb dip. Sigh. Millions of calories. I really really need to get out of this habit.

Diet right now is like this:

Morning: decaff coffee with milk and a biscuit (100 cals)

Lunchtime: nothing, maybe coffee, but am generally not hungry.

Mid afternoon: chips, dip and lean chicken fillets (chicken is 150 per pack and it takes me ages to eat; chips are 500 per pack; dip is 1000 cals per tub. Eeeeeek. I can get through a tub in a day or maybe two)

Evening: I just continue with the above (cos I won't have finished it) and , maybe add some chocolate in.

I do cheat and take Orlistat every meal . . .to get rid of some of the excess fat I am taking in.

Not exactly a balanced diet. In fact when I write it down it looks terrrrrible.

Strange; pre banding I ate tons and tons of vegetables; I always had this thing about vegetables, I loved them. Broccoli, carrots, brussel sprouts, onions, cucumber, tomatoes, peppers, lettuce, even boiled cabbage. . .

Now I can't eat veg, unless it is mushed beyond belief. Sometimes I manage carrot and corriander soup.

(pre band I ate lots more, not just veg, lol, didn't get to being 15 stone 3 by just eating veg)

I've never been a fruit eater. Hate it. Would rather eat cauliflower than an apple. And definitely prefer brussel sprouts over bananas. Weird, eh?

Am hoping to improve my blog, make it more interesting, chatty and add in some pics. I want to thank two bloggers, The Dash; and The NYC Attorney; your blogs are inspirational. I hope to learn from you.

Weight

2009-06-07T13:14:00.000-07:00

I am 9 stone 4. I was this weight in January. I don't know whether to be happy that I am maintaining at at sensible weight, or depressed cos I've not got very far in 6 months!

I suppose I did have a de fill which made me gain nearly a stone, and I've managed to get rid of that. But I'd like to lose more. . .

Also feel bad that I post so few photos :-) Will try to improve, otherwise this can be a bit boring to read!

My port

2009-06-06T09:30:00.001-07:00

My port is on my left hand side, above my waist and below my ribs. This picture shows it during my last trip to Belgium

Erm, you can also see my desperate need for a tummy tuck :-)

Update

2009-06-06T09:23:00.000-07:00

Sorry so long in posting again. .

My weight has stablised around 9 stone 4, which is ok, though ideally I'd like to lose another seven pounds and get back to 8-12 which I was in March. But if I can't that is ok.

I am the first to admit that I am *not* the world's greatest bandster. I'm probably one of the worst :-) I do often eat too much or too fast or the wrong food, and end up pbing mildly on a daily basis.

But last night. . .

Something weird and terrifying happened last night. Had a normal sort of day, eating the normal sort of foods, had a couple of minor pbs (I don't get pain, I just burp food back up when I am too full).

(That is how pbing is for me; food comes up very gently and easily; I don't hardly notice it unless I have to rush out of polite company suddenly. I can tell when it is going to happen and just excuse myself normally, so it isn't a big deal in my life it I bring food back up again.)

Then around 7pm I had some (very) distressing news and spent the next couple of hours quite upset. Didn't eat or drink anything much (not that I remember, I might have picked at some left over chicken I'd had for supper . . ).

Went to bed at midnight, and woke at 2am with a fearfully sore back, I thought. (I get back pain sometimes - have Tramadol for when it is bad). I was horrified at having such severe back pain.

Then I realised it was my upper left chest area that hurt, not my back. It was my band area that was hurting. Really really hurting. I couldn't lie down or sit up or get comfortable. I could feel pain like a knife in my chest. Was worried it might have been a heart attack, but the pain wasn't in my arms or jaw.

I really didn't know what to do - visions of a band eroding into my stomach, internal bleeding, dying etc, flashed before my eyes. I managed to drink some water, and it went down ok, but the pain was too severe for me to risk painkillers, in case my band had slipped and they would aggrevate the situation.

Then I started to get hiccups and I could feel my stomach hurting round where my band is. It was sooooo painful.

Finally, over the next hour or so, I pb'd some chicken I'd eaten at 5pm. I was so relieved when the pain passed, but I was so scared.

I was sure my band had slipped. Do you think it did?

Today I've been on fluids only to give my stomach a rest.Wow, if people normally feel like that when they pb no wonder they avoid it like the plague.

I wonder what happened. I really really don't want it to happen again!

Progress

2009-05-20T02:28:00.000-07:00

I think I am making some progress. Not eating too much, good restriction, and I've lost a couple of pounds.

I do need to be careful of overeating foods which just come straight back up again (long term pbing = band damage). And I need to be careful not to overeat high cal "slider" foods which go through my band easily. Though having said that, I don't think there is much, other than clear liquids, which will go through my band easily right now. . .

Another fill

2009-05-14T15:32:00.000-07:00

After a 1 mil fill last week, I really don't feel I that I have much more restriction. So I kept a previously made appointment and went for another fill with Dr Chris.

He wasn't convinced I needed it but let me have 0.5mil - though he said he won't let me have any more, he said he had thought previously that I had lost too much weight.

Huh! That should be my decision.

It was interesting being at his London Clinic in Upper Wimpole Street. Lots of other bandsters there with different stories.

I now have 6 mils in my 10 mil band; and am a bit miffed that Dr C more or less said that this is the last fill he will give me. I need to work with this restriction, not against it.

Not eaten much today - made the mistake of going to the appointment at 1530 without having had any real food, and afterwards I could only have soup (and chips and dip)

My restriction is nowhere like it was after my January fill last year. (when I went from 1 mil to 5 mils over night).

Weight wise, I never really understand how Dr Chris works it out, I was 60kg this morning, first thing, no clothes, and yet he made me 59kg in the afternoons with a heavy denim skirt on . .

Back to basics, keep drinking water, keep off high cal foods like pistachio nuts and onion and garlic dip; and get plenty protein in.

And avoid being sick. Scared I'll damage my band or pouch if I am sick too much

2009-05-14T15:28:00.000-07:00

This is the Nectar Protein Drink I mentioned in my last post
It mixes up into a blue froth. Doesn't taste too bad :-)

Monday

2009-05-10T22:17:00.001-07:00

Was up to 9 stone 13 on Friday, and had 1 mil fill.

Monday, I am 9 stone 7, so something must be working. I don't feel very much restriction, but am trying to cut down and stop as soon as I feel full. I didn't last very long on just soup and fluids so on Sunday had some real food, but not very much.

Need to keep taking my vitamins, protein drink (bleugh - ok it isn't too horrible, but it does take a while to drink it. I bought Nectar on the recommendation of Carol Mac on WLSInfo Forums, but probably the "Crystal Sky" (my choice) wasn't the best flavour to go for, it's bright blue and bubblegum flavoured.

Update

2009-05-09T02:31:00.000-07:00

I should keep this more up to date, it is helpful to me to look back and see what I went through previously.

Had one mil taken out of my band on April 4th - I'd thought i was losing restriction and wanted a fill, but slight pouch swelling meant a defill.

I started gaining weight with a vengeance - by May 8th I was up to 9-13 (from 8 - 12 on April 4th)

I had planned on going to Belgium on May 8/9th, but due to family committments, I couldn't. Instead I went to a new fill provider, Marc Focquet, in London.

He is also Belgian, and very nice. He went through my history with me (a shortened version, I skipped the bit about scarlet fever last summer), and gave me a 1 mil fill.

Have to say he didn't seem to find doing the fill as simple as Dr Chris does, but then he didn't fit my port, and I think he might place them differently.

It hurt more than it normally does - like someone said it feels like a cork popping - ouch.

I was able to drink all the water he gave me, which was disappointing - when I'm well filled I can only sip liquids, rather than glug them.

Now, 24 hrs later, I dont' feel like I've had much of a fill at all. Can still glug water, and last night had a bad spate of eating for England (though I was sticking to liquids, so maybe I should say drinking for England :-)

Let's see what this week brings. Some weight loss I hope!

Getting fat and scared

2009-05-07T15:55:00.000-07:00

I was banded in Dec 07 and after quite a few fills finally began to lose weight (at 5.5mils in a 10 mil band)

In March this yr I felt I was losing restriction and putting on weight, so booked a fill with my surgeon, Chris de Bruyne.

He did an xray and said that my pouch was slightly dilated, and *un filled* my band 1 mil.

That was April 3rd; he said I'd be ok for a refill in four weeks.It's five weeks tomorrow.

In that time I've gained 15 pounds.

I am not able to get back to Belgium, and he isn't in London till May 15th, so in desperation I am going to see Marc Focquet for a fill tomorrow

I just have absolutely NO restriction, hardly.

I can drink 2 litres of water without stopping to breath, far less swallow.

Looking back my normal restriction level wouldn't let me drink more than 100 mls without stopping for a bit.I am gaining weight by the day.

But my biggest fear is that Dr Marc Focquet won't let me have a fill, cos my BMI is still in normal range.I am gaining weight so fast it is terrifying.

Will report back. If he won't give me the 1 mil back, I guess I'll have to try someone else.I have GOT to get restriction back, or this will just have been yet another mad crazy crash diet. . . Soz to moan. It's that time of night

Oh no

2009-04-08T00:44:00.000-07:00

Oh no, here we go. I've put on 5 pounds since Friday morning. How is that possible? I know I am eating more, but didn't think it was *that* much more, and I've been exercising too

Need to get my refill bookd asap :-(

Off to sulk in a corner . .