Oops

It is Wednesday again and I haven't updated this week. Not sure how much I weigh (can't often say that) cos I've not been on the scales for a few days. I was down to 9 stone 0.3 pounds on Friday. I'd like to get under 9 stone, but since then I've eaten too much.

I didn't have to eat it, but I did. Sigh. I realise now that I am in maintenance mode; not trying to lose or gain weight, just stay sort of level. It isn't easy, I think it is easier to be losing rather than standing still.

My diet is not the world's healthiest, but over the weekend I did well. I had a girls' night out with a couple of friends on Friday and Saturday. We had dinner at an amazing restaurant (http://www.yauatcha.com/) which served up small portions of food, so I was able just to pick and choose what I wanted.

I don't think any of the others there noticed what I was or wasn't eating. Two of the friends who were at dinner know about my band, but we didn't discuss it. One of them did tell me (she's a good friend!) that she reckoned I looked more like 10 stone than 9 stone. (???!!!).

She is probably right, since people are always surprised how light I am for my size; I think I have light bones or something.

I'm still not really used to the fact that I am 9 stone something, instead of 200 pounds. I was reading an old journal last night, I was 14 stone 9 and really trying to lose weight. At that point in time I'd never heard of gastric banding. But I had been dieting all my life.

I am so glad that I found a way out of the endless cycle of "gain-lose-struggle-lose-gain-regain"

I've thought about posting photos here. . . .but I am nervous in case anyone who knows me in real life and doesn't know about this blog stumbles across it and recognises me.. . hmmmm.

If anyone wants pics (The Dash?) you can leave your email address in a comment and I'll send some privately. Or am I just being paranoid, does it really matter if real life people find this blog?

Not sure.

A Scale Victory

Finally discovered what NSV and SV mean - as found on lots of other bandsters blogs. . .

Scale or Non Scale Victory.

Today was an SV. I was 9 stone 0.8 pounds. I do think that I have lost a couple of pounds because I had a horrendous dental appointment the other day and really could not eat afterwards. I had some meal replacement drinks, and plenty fluids, but couldn't eat. Still can't eat properly, my mouth is swollen and sore. . ouchie.

I look like Donald(a) Duck. Not funny, esp since I am meeting friends at the weekend, for a fairly important girlie night out together, followed by a trip to Queen's Tennis Club.

I really don't want to go there looking like Donalda Duck, no one is going to notice weight loss when my lower face is swollen like I've been hit by a bus.

I hope the swelling goes down.

So it has been a good week, scales wise, but not so good in other ways.

Monday

Nine stone two point 8 pounds.

Better than it has been lately. I am glad. But having said that I have had a rotten day today, eaten too much of the wrong stuff. I have this thing about garlic and herb dip. Which is really just mayonnaise (liquid fat) with garlic flavoring . . .

I like to nibble tortilla chips dipped in garlic and herb dip. Sigh. Millions of calories. I really really need to get out of this habit.

Diet right now is like this:

Morning: decaff coffee with milk and a biscuit (100 cals)

Lunchtime: nothing, maybe coffee, but am generally not hungry.

Mid afternoon: chips, dip and lean chicken fillets (chicken is 150 per pack and it takes me ages to eat; chips are 500 per pack; dip is 1000 cals per tub. Eeeeeek. I can get through a tub in a day or maybe two)

Evening: I just continue with the above (cos I won't have finished it) and , maybe add some chocolate in.

I do cheat and take Orlistat every meal . . .to get rid of some of the excess fat I am taking in.

Not exactly a balanced diet. In fact when I write it down it looks terrrrrible.

Strange; pre banding I ate tons and tons of vegetables; I always had this thing about vegetables, I loved them. Broccoli, carrots, brussel sprouts, onions, cucumber, tomatoes, peppers, lettuce, even boiled cabbage. . .

Now I can't eat veg, unless it is mushed beyond belief. Sometimes I manage carrot and corriander soup.

(pre band I ate lots more, not just veg, lol, didn't get to being 15 stone 3 by just eating veg)

I've never been a fruit eater. Hate it. Would rather eat cauliflower than an apple. And definitely prefer brussel sprouts over bananas. Weird, eh?

Am hoping to improve my blog, make it more interesting, chatty and add in some pics. I want to thank two bloggers, The Dash; and The NYC Attorney; your blogs are inspirational. I hope to learn from you.

Weight

I am 9 stone 4. I was this weight in January. I don't know whether to be happy that I am maintaining at at sensible weight, or depressed cos I've not got very far in 6 months!

I suppose I did have a de fill which made me gain nearly a stone, and I've managed to get rid of that. But I'd like to lose more. . .

Also feel bad that I post so few photos :-) Will try to improve, otherwise this can be a bit boring to read!

My port

My port is on my left hand side, above my waist and below my ribs. This picture shows it during my last trip to Belgium

Erm, you can also see my desperate need for a tummy tuck :-)

Update

Sorry so long in posting again. .

My weight has stablised around 9 stone 4, which is ok, though ideally I'd like to lose another seven pounds and get back to 8-12 which I was in March. But if I can't that is ok.

I am the first to admit that I am *not* the world's greatest bandster. I'm probably one of the worst :-) I do often eat too much or too fast or the wrong food, and end up pbing mildly on a daily basis.

But last night. . .

Something weird and terrifying happened last night. Had a normal sort of day, eating the normal sort of foods, had a couple of minor pbs (I don't get pain, I just burp food back up when I am too full).

(That is how pbing is for me; food comes up very gently and easily; I don't hardly notice it unless I have to rush out of polite company suddenly. I can tell when it is going to happen and just excuse myself normally, so it isn't a big deal in my life it I bring food back up again.)

Then around 7pm I had some (very) distressing news and spent the next couple of hours quite upset. Didn't eat or drink anything much (not that I remember, I might have picked at some left over chicken I'd had for supper . . ).

Went to bed at midnight, and woke at 2am with a fearfully sore back, I thought. (I get back pain sometimes - have Tramadol for when it is bad). I was horrified at having such severe back pain.

Then I realised it was my upper left chest area that hurt, not my back. It was my band area that was hurting. Really really hurting. I couldn't lie down or sit up or get comfortable. I could feel pain like a knife in my chest. Was worried it might have been a heart attack, but the pain wasn't in my arms or jaw.

I really didn't know what to do - visions of a band eroding into my stomach, internal bleeding, dying etc, flashed before my eyes. I managed to drink some water, and it went down ok, but the pain was too severe for me to risk painkillers, in case my band had slipped and they would aggrevate the situation.

Then I started to get hiccups and I could feel my stomach hurting round where my band is. It was sooooo painful.

Finally, over the next hour or so, I pb'd some chicken I'd eaten at 5pm. I was so relieved when the pain passed, but I was so scared.

I was sure my band had slipped. Do you think it did?

Today I've been on fluids only to give my stomach a rest.Wow, if people normally feel like that when they pb no wonder they avoid it like the plague.

I wonder what happened. I really really don't want it to happen again!

Progress

I think I am making some progress. Not eating too much, good restriction, and I've lost a couple of pounds.

I do need to be careful of overeating foods which just come straight back up again (long term pbing = band damage). And I need to be careful not to overeat high cal "slider" foods which go through my band easily. Though having said that, I don't think there is much, other than clear liquids, which will go through my band easily right now. . .

Another fill

After a 1 mil fill last week, I really don't feel I that I have much more restriction. So I kept a previously made appointment and went for another fill with Dr Chris.

He wasn't convinced I needed it but let me have 0.5mil - though he said he won't let me have any more, he said he had thought previously that I had lost too much weight.

Huh! That should be my decision.

It was interesting being at his London Clinic in Upper Wimpole Street. Lots of other bandsters there with different stories.

I now have 6 mils in my 10 mil band; and am a bit miffed that Dr C more or less said that this is the last fill he will give me. I need to work with this restriction, not against it.

Not eaten much today - made the mistake of going to the appointment at 1530 without having had any real food, and afterwards I could only have soup (and chips and dip)

My restriction is nowhere like it was after my January fill last year. (when I went from 1 mil to 5 mils over night).

Weight wise, I never really understand how Dr Chris works it out, I was 60kg this morning, first thing, no clothes, and yet he made me 59kg in the afternoons with a heavy denim skirt on . .

Back to basics, keep drinking water, keep off high cal foods like pistachio nuts and onion and garlic dip; and get plenty protein in.

And avoid being sick. Scared I'll damage my band or pouch if I am sick too much

This is the Nectar Protein Drink I mentioned in my last post
It mixes up into a blue froth. Doesn't taste too bad :-)

Monday

Was up to 9 stone 13 on Friday, and had 1 mil fill.

Monday, I am 9 stone 7, so something must be working. I don't feel very much restriction, but am trying to cut down and stop as soon as I feel full. I didn't last very long on just soup and fluids so on Sunday had some real food, but not very much.

Need to keep taking my vitamins, protein drink (bleugh - ok it isn't too horrible, but it does take a while to drink it. I bought Nectar on the recommendation of Carol Mac on WLSInfo Forums, but probably the "Crystal Sky" (my choice) wasn't the best flavour to go for, it's bright blue and bubblegum flavoured.

Update

I should keep this more up to date, it is helpful to me to look back and see what I went through previously.

Had one mil taken out of my band on April 4th - I'd thought i was losing restriction and wanted a fill, but slight pouch swelling meant a defill.

I started gaining weight with a vengeance - by May 8th I was up to 9-13 (from 8 - 12 on April 4th)

I had planned on going to Belgium on May 8/9th, but due to family committments, I couldn't. Instead I went to a new fill provider, Marc Focquet, in London.

He is also Belgian, and very nice. He went through my history with me (a shortened version, I skipped the bit about scarlet fever last summer), and gave me a 1 mil fill.

Have to say he didn't seem to find doing the fill as simple as Dr Chris does, but then he didn't fit my port, and I think he might place them differently.

It hurt more than it normally does - like someone said it feels like a cork popping - ouch.

I was able to drink all the water he gave me, which was disappointing - when I'm well filled I can only sip liquids, rather than glug them.

Now, 24 hrs later, I dont' feel like I've had much of a fill at all. Can still glug water, and last night had a bad spate of eating for England (though I was sticking to liquids, so maybe I should say drinking for England :-)

Let's see what this week brings. Some weight loss I hope!

Getting fat and scared

I was banded in Dec 07 and after quite a few fills finally began to lose weight (at 5.5mils in a 10 mil band)

In March this yr I felt I was losing restriction and putting on weight, so booked a fill with my surgeon, Chris de Bruyne.

He did an xray and said that my pouch was slightly dilated, and *un filled* my band 1 mil.

That was April 3rd; he said I'd be ok for a refill in four weeks.It's five weeks tomorrow.

In that time I've gained 15 pounds.

I am not able to get back to Belgium, and he isn't in London till May 15th, so in desperation I am going to see Marc Focquet for a fill tomorrow

I just have absolutely NO restriction, hardly.

I can drink 2 litres of water without stopping to breath, far less swallow.

Looking back my normal restriction level wouldn't let me drink more than 100 mls without stopping for a bit.I am gaining weight by the day.

But my biggest fear is that Dr Marc Focquet won't let me have a fill, cos my BMI is still in normal range.I am gaining weight so fast it is terrifying.

Will report back. If he won't give me the 1 mil back, I guess I'll have to try someone else.I have GOT to get restriction back, or this will just have been yet another mad crazy crash diet. . . Soz to moan. It's that time of night

Oh no

Oh no, here we go. I've put on 5 pounds since Friday morning. How is that possible? I know I am eating more, but didn't think it was *that* much more, and I've been exercising too

Need to get my refill bookd asap :-(

Off to sulk in a corner . .

Misery

This is soooo not what I wanted to say.

Went to Belgium yesterday to see CDB cos I wanted a tiny fill, although my band is pretty tight, I havent' lost weight for a month.

He wasn't impressed with me. Told me I was dehydrated and losing muscle not fat; needed to eat more protein and had prob lost too much weight. (not fat, just weight)

HUH?? Ok, I know there are BMI charts etc, but I am still fat round the bust,back and lower legs.

Then (and I so did not want this to happen!) he xrayed my band, and I saw that my pouch is swelling a little. More than a little.

So he promptly decided on a 1 mil de-fill for 4 - 6 weeks.

I am only at 4.50 mls now.

Last time I had a defill I went from 5.75mls to 4.75mls and in four weeks gained 10 pounds. . .

May 16 08 I had 5.75mils and was defilled to 4.75mils

During the time between May 16th and June 20th, when I had 4.75 mils in my band, I gained 10 pounds, going from 12 stone 2 to 12 stone 12.

June 20 08 I was refilled with 0.75

And since June 08 I had 5.50mils in my band; and have gone from 12 stone 12 to 8 stone 12 (9 months to lose four stone).

And now I feel like all that has been yanked out from under me, I have no restriction at all, and am terrified that in four/six weeks I will have gained 20kg.

Help help help.

How do I cope with this? Dr Chris as ever is kind, competent, but efficient; I didn't have a hope of arguing with him, nor of pointing out that I *like* the weight I'm at.

On the other hand I can see that my pouch is dilating, I've been vomitting too much lately, and I do desperately lack muscle tone.

So although I am terrified, I realise he is right. My restriction (I only got back from Belgium a few hours ago)already seems to have disapppeared. Completely.

Cambridge Diet here I come. If I can. And I am going to book a refill asap.

And since I never travel without my camera; here is CDB's house:

and consulting clinic - the side entrance In his waiting room, a model of a gastric band. Very interesting to see.The Campanille Hotel:

Brussels was very cold this time: took refuge in McDonalds for coffee and some breakfast:

McDonalds is pretty impressive in Brussels. More so than in New York City; or central London.
They haven't had McDonalds in Belgium for long, well, only since 1978

then finally, after a long trek, arrived back in St Pancras.

As for the future, next 4 - 6 weeks.

I am frankly terrified.

Size matters

New look. .

Well, new measurements anyway.

Found this from an old post, 13 months ago, Feb 29 08: (I was about 13 stone then, down from 14-8 pre op; I was 10 wks post op)


. OK so I have a waist of 46, hips of 41 and bust 47, which makes me a waist size 24 (and I'm in danger of heart disease cos my waist is bigger than my hips); hip size 20, and bust 22.

Well, since I am sitting here not doing much, killing time till I have to get up and go to Belgium tomorrow morning, I took some measurements.

Waist 31, hips 33.5 and bust 39 inches

Hmmm. Other than my hips I am kind of appalled how big I am, since I am 8 stone 12 with a BMI of 19.

But an enormous bust! Tried to look this up online; it seems I have UK size 16 bust and waist, but a size 8 bottom. Hmmm.

Anyone out there know more about sizes than me?

Maintenance

I guess I am into the phase where I want to maintain my weight loss, rather than lose any more weight.

And that is really really hard, since I've been either gaining or losing weight all my life, I can't imagine having the same figure show up on the scale every day. (or week)

I don't know how to handle this. I am just under 9 stone most days, but up and down. And I am terrified of regaining weight.

My restriction has loosened a little and that is letting me eat too much. I need to get a small fill soon, am going to Belgium on April 4th.

Hope I've not put on too much weight by then.

It got worse

I got up to 9 stone 5 the other day. I was worried. I didn't want to weigh myself the last week.

But today I was 9.2 again. Hmmm.

Doesn't seem any logic to it. Keep cutting out what I don't really want to eat, and make every calorie count.

It didn't last

I guess that low weight was just a blip, I must be have been dehydrated or something, since I immediately shot up to 9-3 the next day.

And struggling to stay there. I am not sure what I am doing wrong, but I am beginning to creep up the scale again. Well, I know what I am doing wrong,but not that it is any different.

I guess the lighter I am the fewer calories I need to keep losing.

Dithering about dental treatment that can't be done till I've finished losing weight. Should I start it now?

Or am I realistically hoping to lose any more? Hmmm. Not sure of the answer

Hooray

Hit another milestone. I know it is probably temporary and I'll be two pounds heavier tomorrow, but for today, for the first time in donkeys years, I am under 9 stone.

EIGHT STONE TWELVE (.6) POUNDS

Woo hoo.

Cutting down on my snacking has helped, I'm still taking CD supplements once or twice a day. Got a rotten head cold too. But nothing is going to get me down today :-)))))

Feb 26th

Oops that last post was a bit of a whinge. I've made a more positive effort to cut down on snacking and nibbles and today I was nine stone 2.4 pounds this am.

Wow. Pleased, considering how all over the place I've been this month.

Haven't done any more exercise though. Maybe later today.

Exercise

Weight loss is dismal - ie I haven't lost an ounce. I go between 9 -6 on a bad day, 9 - 4 on a good, but have never hit 9-3 again. I am still obsessive about weighing myself.

I still hate how I look, how much I weigh, etc.

45 mins on Sat
55 mins on Mon
30 mins on Mon

on exercise bike.

It hurts my tailbone like mad. And altho it might tone my thighs, I serious doubt I'll lose any weight. Exercise class this week. Oh yeah, I have no great expectations of it; might take coffee with me to keep me awake. . . .

Valentine's Day

Well, two weeks later, I am a little further forward, I hope. I m around 9-4 most days, and got down to 9-3 the other day, which was the lowest I've been since I got married. Only another pound to go and I'll be the same weight I was when I got married.

It isnt' all plain sailing. In fact it isn't plain sailing a all. It has been quite miserable at times, I think my biggest worry just now is malnutrition - my diet is appalling sometimes and I need to take more vitamins more regularly.

Doc ran some blood tests to check my thyroid, and they've come b ack abnormal - as usual. . .

Not impressed

I guess I thought I'd be doing better by now, but I have since gotten up to 9-6point 8, then hovering around 9-5 and 9-5 point 8 which I was this morning.

I'm absolutely terrified of putting on weight. If I don't lose weight two weeks in a row, then I am in trouble. I feel like I am in trouble.

I need to lose a bit more weight.

My dentist wants to start some work, but won't start until I agree that my weight loss has stopped and that my weight will remain stable

I really really really want to lose another stone before I decide this is where I am happy to be. But weight is coming off so slowly - or not at all, in the last few weeks.

Back to basics
Back to basics
Back to basics

I know what I have to do, it is just doing it that is hard!

Had to post this

Had to post this picture.

But look at my ankles???? What do I do??

Do you think liposuction would work?

More reflections on the past

In 1999 I'd been dieting all my life. Can't remember when I first started using Slim Fast, but in 1999 I splashed out £18-99 on something called "Fat Magnets" - Chitosan.

I remember asking the very slim shop assistant if they worked and she just looked down her nose at me and said "I wouldn't know" with as much distaste as she could muster. I was 12 stone 6, BMI 27. Hardly disgustingly fat.

It didn't work.

About a year later and a stone heavier hit on the idea of eating prepacked (and not cheap!)Weightwathchers Ready Meals.

Didn't lose much weight

In May 2002, weight 194 pounds ( or 13 stone 12) I finally cracked and bought Xenical Online. Cost me a fortune (can't remember now, but they weren't cheap at all).

I remember the relief flooding over my whole body when I realised that I was finally going to be thin. The battle was finally over, it was not longer up to me or to will power. A lttle blue pill was going to fix it)

If only it were that simple. There are no easy ways to fight obesity.

WOW

I know I'll probably go up a little again, but today I was shocked and delighted to be NINE STONE FIVE (point 2) POOUNDS.

That is very very very light for me; and gets me with 3 lbs of the weight I was when I got married nearly 19 yrs ago.

No other diet or weight loss program has ever taken me near this. (Well I did get down to 9-3 15 yrs ago, but then I'd only got up to 11stone to start with at that point, and it didnt' last long) (checked my diary: on 6th April 1994 was down to 9 stone 6; not 9-3)

So I am now lighter than I was nearly 15 yrs ago

I thought I'd have gained weight cos my eating has not been great - pistachio nuts for protein; tortilla chips and dip cos I like it, lots and lots of water, and the odd glass of wine or bar of chocolate. Combined with a fair bit of food not staying down I guess

Not the healthy option.but worth it for the magic numbers on the scale.

Starting exercise next week; a little nervous; more than a lttle. Scared I'll collapse through being so unfit, or faint cos I have low blood pressure. And irrationally that I'll put on weight cos muscle weighs more than fat; though I doubt I can gain that much muscle. And that I'll be hungrier after exercise and therefore eat more and gain weight.

It is just hard to believe that I am actually this thin. . .

Update

My laptop is playing up - the touch pad is not working and my "old" mouse (which was a new improved version) isn't working either. But I pinched a mouse from one of the kids' PCs and here I am

Since I last posted my weight went up to 9-10.8, then down again last night (yay!) to 9-7.6, so I am slowly moving down. Not sure that I'll lose much this month, but every little helps.

My restriction is mostly quite good. Or bad, I mean severe. I don't often go out so I am usually at home and pbing doesn't mean too much, it's not a big deal.

Went away for the night to a friend's house, and realised how often I need to be careful or I *would* pb. Thankfully she knows about my op and didn't worry when I excused myself to the bathroom once or twice. But I didn't manage to eat a lot while I was there.

Makes me realise that if I kept off snacks and grazing (she's a three meals day and no snacks type) I'd lose weight a lot more quickly.

I'm pleased how much weight I've lost, but no idea how much weight I'd like to lose eventually. I also have no idea how I am going to cope with getting to the maintenance stage of a gastric band.

And I know I have to up my exercise a lot.

Woo Hoooooo!

This morning, no clothes on, I was nine stone nine point four pounds. That is lighter than I've been for years and years and years.

Seems like another psychological barrier has gone, getting below 9-1o/9-11, both which seemed to me like I was about to shoot up to ten stone again any minute.

I know from past experience it is two steps forward, one back; so maybe tomorrow I'll be 9-10 or 9-11 again, but I hope I am slowly inching my way towards goal.

Excited? Yes. I am irrationally thrilled at losing a few ounces. Which is all it is really, a pound is only 16 ounces. But it means a lot to me to be 135+ pounds.

Wow, better than 212 which is the highest I think I got to. (15 stone 3)

I love my gastric band :-))))))))))))))

A picture

Taken at night. Nine stone 12 point 4 pounds. ( 138.4lbs) (62.5kg)

Maybe tomorrow morning it will be better

But don't I have such horribly fat ankles? (:-((( )

BMI 22.1

I still feel fat. I still am fat.

Dec 27th

I am a couple of days overdue in posting this, but with it being the holidays etc, lots of food and cooking and children and work, I've not had a chance.

This morning I was 9 stone 13 (in fact if I did my best to wobble to one side slightly and breathed out I could get down to 9 stone 12.8, but I think I pretty much am 9-13.

Which is good, since altho I hit 9-13 about ten days ago I instantly went up to 10-01 or 10 stone, I hope this is me fixed at 9-13 for the time being. Until I get lighter of course.

Huh, if it only it were that simple. I feel fairly dispirited sometimes since I do overeat, and even when I don't, I still want to, and if I do, I suffer (stomach hurts right now - I didn't chew something properly, and it won't come up or go down. Just stuck and sore right now. Should go down - or come up - eventually. Serves me right. I should know better by now)

Nearly Jan 1st - hope I've lost five pounds at least this month, that is the statistical average for a bandster with good restriction, but it does depend on how much chocolate and junk one eats.

Been trying to work out why losing weight is easier some days than others. Saturdays are normally my worst days - we have a lot of junk food to eat (it's our junk food day :-) and I tend to graze and eat too much and then pb too much.

Sundays are always good days cos I stick to fluids, pretty much all day, cos my stomach hurts from Saturday. Then the rest of the week can be good or bad, depending.

I tend not to eat at all in the mornings or much in the afternoons, but come the evenings I can eat for England. And often do. Is it boredom? Habit? or real hnger? I dont' yet know, but I hope to work out.

Updating

Trying to follow the example of some other lap band patients, I should update once a week.

Today I didn't weigh myself. Didn't want to, cos I've felt really bloated and haven't been to the loo for a day or two (on going issues, never been regular) and I knew I'd be heavier, so didn't.

(Anyway I like to weigh myself naked in the mornings and it has been so cold lately I didn't want to get completely undressed in one go - you know, you whip off your jama bottoms, into tights, leggings and a thick skirt; then brace yourself to bare your chest for a moment before three more layers of clothes go on - I have baths/showers at night, but won't weigh myself then in case I am heavier)

I am always heavier at night, is everyone?

Last weigh in I was 140.1 lbs. I was annoyed cos two days before I had been 139.4 lbs and didn't feel I'd had a particularly bad two days.

So all in all, no weigh in today.

Tomorrow? Maybe? Is Friday ever a good day for a weigh in?

I haven't eaten too much today - cup a soup x 2, Cambridge Diet x 2 and tortilla chips and dip x not too many. Also a couple of cups of coffee in the morning.

Really pleased cos I've hardly pb'd at all today - once this morning when drinking coffee - I am v tight in the mornings and have sip sip sip slowly slowly slowy; and again when making dh's supper I grabbed some slow cooked chicken (knowing I shouldn't) and bleugh, up it came 30 seconds later.

Will try to update more often

H x xx

Statistics

These are from the forum:

1st July 12.4
1st August 12.2 (lost 2lbs)
1st September 11.8 (lost 8lbs)
1st October 11.1 (lost 7lbs)
1st November 10.8 (lost 7lbs)

**1st December 10.4** (lost 4lbs)

Last fill in June, but in August and Sept I was on the Cambridge Diet; hence the weight loss. Need to get back on track.



Can you see the pattern when myband is loose

CHERITH

Hi, sorry didn't see your comment till now. My experience has been that a tight fill usually loosens over the first week or so. I wouldn't rush into a defill so long as you can get fluids down. I know some people can't and do need to go to ER/ A&E, but time sorts most tight bands out.

By now I hope you are more comfortable.

http://www.wlsinfo.org.uk/forums/index.php gives lots of support and advice. There is another support group at
http://www.obesity-solutions.co.uk/forum/

Hope all works out, do you have a blog (couldn't access your profile)

Love
H x x x

Another update

December 12th here. Two more days till my oppiversary. And today I was 141.2 pounds. So I am slowly losing weight. But it is the hardest thing I've ever done. I really am not able to eat much proper food.

In the mornings I can hardly get hot water down, or coffee or slimfast. Not really. Very hot water in sips. During the day I don't get much down, but in the evenings I can snack or maybe eat very soft fish or pasta.

But judging by the scales, most of what goes into my mouth doesn't get into my digestive system. So is that a good thing?

Yes cos I am lighter, much lighter, than a year ago. But I do wonder how healthy I am. I'm anemic, pale and tired, and a lot of food issues still bugging me.

I wish I could be a normal person with normal eating habits, three meals a day, five a day fruit and veg, lots of exercise, etc. etc.

But I am not. I am who and what I am. But at least I am a lot thinner than I used to be. And that matters to me.

But where will I be in a year's time?

Slowdown

Since last post (more than 2 wks) I;ve not really lost any weight, in fact I hover around between 144 and 146 then back to 144 lbs again. I am not sure why this is, maybe because it is cold and miserable and I am comfort eating.

Or because inside I feel that 10 stone 4 is an acceptable weight, so have mentally taken the brakes off and am eating too much. Not too much at one time, the band makes sure of that, but too much too often of the wrong food and I'll be back up to 15 stone before I know it.

So I am looking forward to a fill. The immediate tightness for the first few weeks after a fill means that I become much more aware of everything I try to put in my stomach. Hopefully it will be a deterrent to nibbling on all the seasonal goodies around just now.

I can't believe it

Ten stone four pounds.

One more pound and I will have lost five stone from my highest pre op weight. Wow. I still don't feel particularly thin, in fact I amn't particularly thin. Just a lot thinner than I was.

Another week gone

I got down to 10 stone 7 during the week, but haven't weighed in the last couple of days, cos I fear I've put some weight on: have been eating too much. Gave my stomach a rest on Sunday and just had hot drinks (easier to do when we have a quiet day at home)

Update

Haven't written in ages since I have been away (in New York, no less) for two weeks, and didn't manage to weigh myself once the whole time.

The day I left I'd gone up to 11stone again (have been fluctuating around 10-12 to 11 for a while), but wasn't too bothered. At least I wasn't *fat* going on holiday, well, not that fat.

Enjoyed the trip, mostly, tho Americans (apologies for the generalisation) seem to eat a lot. There are fast food places everywhere and a lot of very very obese people around. Portion sizes are lot bigger and food is cheaper, more plentiful and more attractive.

So it is just as well I have a gastric band. My band is loser than it's been in a while, I need to get it tightened; but even so, it helped a lot, self control wouldn't have worked on its own.

I was a bit aware of being annoyed that I couldn't tuck into big portions (or any portion at all, depending on the food) at times, but life should be about more than food, and I tried to focus on other things.

I was probably more active than I am at home too, going out and about almost every day for 14 days, compared to being home a lot here.

I couldn't weigh myself, but I could tell by my clothes that I hadn't put on (much) weight (it always goes on round my tummy first, and my skirts get tight), but when I weighed myself back home today I was delighted to see I am down to 10 stone 10. So I lost 4 pounds in two weeks, despite all the food, full-cream coffee and cookies, etc I ate.

Now I need to think about my next fill; and think about the "comfort" or "boredom" eating that I have been doing at home for the past 30 yrs. . . .

Another pound down

Yes, another pound off. Sounds silly that it makes me so excited, but I am now 10 stone 12.2 pounds (or 152.2 lbs)

All the way from 15-3 (or 14-8 day of operation).

Weight loss so far: 60 pounds in total

Defamation and the media

My surgeon, Chris De Bruynne was trashed in today's BBC news. I only saw it on line, was too upset to watch it on TV

I trusted this guy with my money and my life, and he has saved me both. I'd trust him again any time with my life; and I feel heartily sick that he's been portrayed the way he has.

Ok, to be fair, I've never found him particularly personable, jokey or easy going. He comes across as a rather solemn/serious family oriented surgeon who believes that obesity is an illness he can help cure.

He has NEVER tried to make lots of money out of me, or take lots of money from me (unlike a few other WLS providers). He isn't maybe great company; but he IS a great surgeon; and I totally believe he believes in what he does

I feel sick sick sick that the British media try to portray him this way. May he never know or care. And may God protect him. No decent doctor deserves this media-attack. And he is a decent doctor, even if English is only his third language; and maybe he isn't a great "people person"

Who cares? I wanted and got, a caring and competent surgeon; and one who went well beyond the call of duty when I developed complications. And who "absorbed the extra costs" (ie I was never charged for the emergency theatre team, the blood transfusion, the extra night in hospital. He was. He never asked me for a cent/dime/penny)

I did it!!!!!

I am finally under 11 stone

10 stone 13.8 pounds as of this morning.

It felt weirdly wonderfully strange to be under 11 stone. I can't remember when I was last that weight (4 yrs ago I got down to about 11 - 5ish briefly - yet another mad crash diet); but under 11?

Probably at least ten yrs.

I'm scared I'll put it all back on. Very very scared, since I have been a yo yo dieter all my life, since I was about 13 yrs old (neary 30 yrs ago)

This has been the longest time I've ever kept on losing. OK I had a blip in the summer when I had to have a defill and regained weight (around a stone or a bit less),but other than that I've been slowly (very slowly sometimes) battling away and chipping away at this excess weight.

Maybe one day I'll be thin. But for now, I'll settle for being thinner than I was.

Funny how half a pound can make me feel so GOOOOOOD. I guess it's a case of breaking another psychological barrier.

I'll tell you now, I can't imagine ever being under ten stone. Under eleven is pretty good. Under ten is beyond belief. (Good to have a goal in mind)
****
I am off on two weeks holiday to the USA soon. I do wonder how I will do, esp since my band is relatively loose; and there will be sooooo much food around. I'm scared I'll regain a lot; but I will be on guard, I hope.

And my band should provide a safety net/brake for my natural habits (which are to eat, eat and over eat)

Slimming magazines

I picked a slimming magazine up at the checkout a week ago. It has sat, un-read, in my intray until now.

Reading it, I feel like yelling "weight loss surgery!!!" at the top of my voice. People (women) write in, morbidly obese, dieting for the 27th time, having lost 3 stone but still having 10 stone to go; having lost 3 stone then regained four; having battled weight since the age of six, etc

It is sad. Sad that obesity isn't seen as an illness, and instead is seen as a lack of character, personality defect, personal failing, or just proof that some of us are "born plain greedy" (as my mother in law once said about me :-( )

I really wish these magazines would stop peddalling "fat block" pills or "appetite depressants" - which have absolutely no medical or scientific value. The adds pages are full of such nonsense.

Yes, the magazine has the usual "inspiring articles" about how Ms SoandSo lost x stone on the blue and red diet" while "Mrs SuchandSuch lost x stone on the green and yellow diet".

No long term follow up. And I bet very few long term losers (I mean winners)

I used to read these magazines almost daily, somehow believing that if I could and would only make the effort, then I too could lose two pounds a week and reach weight loss heaven in however long it might take.

Plenty organisations ready to take my money . . . and I really believed that diets and self control were the way forward.

Well, yes, diet and self control IS the way forward. But not the only way. Thank GOD for weight loss surgery. And for organisations that help promote WLS and promote information (esp WLS Info Forums)

End of the month

Well, another month has come and gone. Only 2.5 months till I hit my 2bandiversary" - December 14th. I certainly don't regret having it done but it has changed my eating habits substantially.

My band has for some unknown reason, loosened since I last posted, so that I am able to eat a bit more. I'm still no good at eating real food; can't stop when I am full, so am still trying to avoid food as mch as possible.

The Cambridge Diet is keeping me going nutrition wise and I am slowly losing more weight. I've also started gentle exercise, using my exercise bike for about half an hour a day when watching TV. But I do find it exhausting.

This morning I was 154.8 pounds. Only 0.9 of a pound to go and I'll be uder 11 stone :-))))

Good question

Thanks for the comments.

Good question: why am I in such a rush to lose weight? I don't know the answer to that. Maybe because I don't believe that real life will ever allow me to be thin; only crash diets, food deprivation etc. I am scared of being myself, eating what I want etc, cos I know where that has got me over the last 20 yrs.

Lots to think about

Another post Sept 20th

Not sure that last post (not the liver one) was v coherent, I was trying to write it with my kids milling around and I didn't get a chance to concentrate.

Briefly; I am glad I am losing weight.

But I am only losing weight because food has become virtually a non-issue in my life. I now love watching food programmes, but I only watch them in the abstract; I know I can't eat food; so there is no point in craving it.

I do snack now and again, but never very much or it comes back up

I've managed to stop eating to the point of being sick, most of the time; that means in effect I can't eat meat, fish, eggs, or vegetables (not to mention cakes, biscuits, pies). I can manage tiny amounts of nuts or ice cream or crisps. But I really amn't eating food.

I'm surviving on CDiet and cup a soup,and occasional white wine.

The weight loss is great; but what am I going to do when real life kicks in again. Is this just the ultimate in crash dieting? I don't trust myself for a minute; if my band was loosened I'd overeat immediately.

I miss the comfort of food, and am trying to work ways round it that don't involve alcohol or salty snacks like bombay mix or crisps. (even tho I only eat small amounts, these are high calorie foods)

Tho I make meals for the family I never join in. This way of life can't last for ever.

So is my band working? Yes for weight loss. But no for normality. I never thought it would make me like this. I am scared that if my BMI gets below 25 I won't be able to use the Cambridge Diet any more - then what will I do for nutrients?

Yes I am losing weight; but my hopes of retraining my habits to eat small healthy meals are out the window. So far.

I would like to lose another 3 stone. I should manage it by Christmas if I don't get my band loosened; and so long as I keep off snacks and wine.

Am I glad I had the band? Yes yes and yes. Today I did a wardrobe clear out and got rid of big baggy size 22 tops and skirts. And I fitted in again to clothes I nevr thought I would.

My 17 yr old son said rather surprisedly to me "you really have lost weight . . ." (I was flattered he noticed).

Another thing: I really am not that hungry most of the time. I think the CD has me in ketosis, where you get more energy and less hungry. But a couple of glasses of wine and I do like to nibble. But I can't nibble too much.

I feel like the "bandster rules" about chewing slowly, not eating with food, stopping when I am full, etc, don't really apply to me, since I don't eat food.

Where will it all end? I dunno. But I am happy for now. But a the same time I think this experience/my journey has been very different from any I've ever read.

{edited to say: to lose 3 stone by Christmas I'd have to lose 3lbs a week. That ought to be possible,but watch this space for me falling by the wayside and upping my liquid calories and high cal snacks. Noooo! I don't want to do that.}

1282

Liver disease

Came across this recently and thought it was interesting, given how most obesity surgeons like us to try to shrink our livers pre op. Looks like we do our livers a great service by having ops and losing weight.

Obesity is now the major cause of liver disease

Update

Didn't realise I hadn't updated for so long. As far as weight goes I am going in the right direction. Last weight was 8th September, 11 stone 6. Now, Sept 20th, I am 11-2.



So yes, in a way my band is working. But on the other hand I m not really eating any food. I am very thankful for the CD, since at least I know I'm not getting malnourished. When I say I am not eating, I mean I don't have meals. I never sit at the table to eat. I do snack off and on - crisps like Pringles or Doritos I can manage, along with dip, soft cheese, and sometimes chocolate. And cup a soups.



But it is ages since I tried to eat a meal - and there is no way I'd cope in a social situation where I had to eat a full scale plate of food.



I'm really glad I'm losing weight, but I do realise that altho I may have lost weight, I have NOT lost my weight problem.



I simply can't do comfort eating, so I have to be careful not to switch to comfort drinking instead; too many calories in white wine. I've taken up watching food shows on TV; that is seriously funny. I never was very interested in cooking previous to my band, I snacked a lot, ate a lot of bread, cheese, takeaways, but I was never a serious cook.

Now I watch food programmes avidly, all the time knowing I can't eat anything they show. Weird, huh?
And thanks for the comments

Still today

1st of September. I've lost 18kg since surgery. In 37+ weeks I've lost 39lbs.

Hmmm, hardly record breaking. But look on the bright side of things, at least I'm going the right way.

Is anyone out there?

Does anyone read this any more? Should I give up and make it a private blog? If you stop by, please comment :-)

UPDATE

I've been on the Cambridge Diet for the last few weeks. Not exclusively : - 0 I manage to add in enough extras to keep me from losing much weight.

I had a really good few days last week and thought I might have moved down from 11.11 or 11.12 which I was pretty much stuck at, but no joy. Went up to 11.13

That sort of news depresses me and I spent the weekend being a bit less careful. But this morning I was only 11.8 - JOY! I don't know how that happened, but I am glad it did. Maybe I was retaining fluid.

Onward and downward. I don't really know how much difference my band is making. I can eat little bits of everything and I do eat too much of little bits too often. But at least it stops me pigging out completely.

Doestn't seem fair that I have to have a band AND the Cambridge Diet in order to lose weight. But hey, I'd do anything to lose weight, so I'm glad I've been motivated enough.

I'm back to taking reductil too. Hmmm, that might explain the weight loss. Certainly explains the expenses :-/