Award

Bunny at http://www.weight-loss-expedition.blogspot.com/ sent me this award. Yay, I've never had a blog award before, and I know I don't have a big readership compared to most people in bandster blog-land. According to the rules I have to:

• Thank the person who nominated you for this award (thank you!)
• Copy the award and post it in your blog (done)
• Link to the blog of the person who nominated you (done)
• Tell seven interesting things about yourself
• Nominate seven bloggers
• Post links to the blogs of your nominees

Seven things about me. . . that could be difficult - will have to wait till another post.

Seven bloggers? Most of the banding blogs I read have already got this award, but I'll nominate

one, a new blogger, Julie, in Northern Ireland, http://julie-and-sammy.blogspot.com/ Julie is just back from Belgium with Sammy her band.

And although it is not a blog, I will also nominate WLS Info Forums (http://www.wlsinfo.org.uk/) as a wonderful place in Bandland for support and information, 24/7 (I guess it is similar to the US based Lapband Talk forum (though it covers all types of WLS)

Small defill

I swore after my last fill that I wasn't going to mess with my restriction again for at least six weeks . . .but I did.

I was too tight - and although I like my band on the tight side, it is not going to work to have it where all I can do is drink coffee and eat chocolate! I've been waiting for it to loosen up, but when it didn't I was getting desperate.

And, interesting, you do not lose weight when your band is too tight. Or I don't. I just end up in starvation mode, living on coffee, chocolate and crisps, with no energy to exercise. And it doesn't take a degree in dietetics to work out that that is not a healthy nor sustainable diet.

I had an appointment on Friday to discuss plastic surgery, and en route to London stopped off for lunch with dh. I could only manage to drink half a cup of (thin) soup without pbing. Enough, I decided, is enough. I texted my fill provider since they had a clinic in London to see if they could fit me in, but they said they were full. Plan B was to turn up and plead desperation and sit there and wait (the doctor is only in London every other week, and wouldn't be there again till March 11).

Plan B worked, and I had 0.25mil out. I've never had such a small adjustment and it will be interesting to see if this solves the problem of my having 0.5mils in, then 0.5mils out; rinse and repeat several times (I hate to think what I've spent on that one half mil. . . .)

Picutres

I've never posted personal pics here, not cos I don't want y'all to see what I look like, but cos I don't want certain people from real life reading this and giving me a load of cr*p - and sadly, yes, I do know people who would do that if they recognised me.

But, having been inspired by some amazing before and after pics from fellow bandsters, I'm going to post anonymised pics. Apologies for not showing my real self, but not everyone I know in real life is as kind, accepting or decent as the bandster community.

Stand by for pics. . .!

Breakfast

My new breakfast food. I've never been very good at having breakfast, esp when my band is tight, but have been making and effort to eat yoghurt since it is supposed to be good for my metabolism to eat in the mornings. Not sure that it will do much to my weight, which has been stubbornly plateaued at 9-11 (137 pounds) for some time.

But to be fair last week was a holiday and I didn't go to the gym at all (waiting on the all clear from my GP) and I did eat more chocolate than I should. . . so what do I expect. Note to self, must try harder.

Wrong link

Oops, the link to Bunny's blog in my penultimate post is wrong, it should be www.weightloss-expedition.blogspot.com

Tight band

Talking of capricious bands, mine has been ok since my last fill, but this morning is very tight. I woke up hungry and wanted something filling, so tried to have some home made (fairly well blended) soup. Nope. It is not going down.


To be fair, I guess, my band is always tighter in the morning and maybe that was a daft thing to try to have for breakfast (I normally only have coffee). So I have given up on the soup and am about to have coffee.

I'm not normally hungry in the mornings, I have most of my calories between 4pm and 10pm most days, so maybe my band likes to keep it that way. Do most bandsters eat breakfast?

Sometimes bands don't work

Catherine over at http://www.chroniclesfrombandland.blogspot.com/ was talking about why the statistics for bandster weight loss are so low

Q: Why do the statistics say that people lose only 50-65% of their excess weight with the band when everyone I know seems to be taking off all of it?



A: That statistic is an average, and it factors in the people who don't lose any weight because they do things like not get a fill or drink milkshakes every day. (Meanwhile, I wish that there was a statistic based on people who actually work their band -- I bet it's closer to 85-90%.)

Her gastric surgeon had some answers. But I do wonder if there are people for whom bands just don't seem to work. I have been banded 2+ yrs and have followed a few blogs where people lose 20 or 30 pounds, and then nothing. They stop blogging, and I never know what happens to them.

Bunny at http://www.weightloss-expedition.blogspot.com/ is someone who has struggled with a broken band, *14* fills or unfills, and yet, three years out is finding it hard to make much progress on her weight loss.

Beki at http://bekisgastricband.blogspot.com/ is someone I followed early on and who was influential in my decision to go to Belgium, but she hasn't moved much since her last post (she's on a forum I'm on and has had regain)

Melondrama is another bandster who seems to have stopped half way: www.melondramas.blogspot.com

And I have another blogger friend who has not lost more than 20 pounds since beeing banded in october 2007 - but her blog is private so I can't link to it.

I realise that people might stop blogging and still have sucess with their bands, but there are a scarily high number of bandsters on http://www.wlsinfo.org.uk/forums/index.php who are really struggling or going for revision to gastric bypass.

What makes the band sucessful for some people, while others struggle? I don't know the answer to that, but I realise that for everyone who does lose most of their excess weight with a band there are others who don't. Which may be why the overall statistics are as low as they are.

One problem which seems to hit the non-losing bandsters (I am trying not to use the word sucessful, since that implies some people have failed, while in reality it may be that the band has failed them, or that it simply wasn't the right thing for them in the first place, or that their "head issues" are too great for a band to work) is that they (and there are a lot of people with this problem on WLSInfo) are either so tight they can barely eat or even drink coffee some days, yet other days they can eat for England without restriction.

Other people don't tolerate restriction; in the sense that they can't accept the limitations a band places on eating.

I guess some people make bad food choices - ultimately, if you can swallow liquids, you can gain weight if you have high calories drinks (or alcohol) too often.

And some people have been plain unlucky and had band slippage, erosion or leaks.

Even with a working band, it is always going to be hard work to maintain my weight loss. I am scared that a year or two down the road I might be in the "no longer losing" category.

Would be interested in anyone's thoughts on this.. . .

Edited to add more links; and to give Catherine's surgeon his correct title.

Slow going

I am not losing weight very fast - sigh. Down to 9 stone 11 and kind of stuck there. I have been snacking on high calorie foods in the evenings, which alas, will go through my band no matter how tight it is, and have stayed stubbornly at the same weight for a week.

Need to try harder.

But I am feeling reasonably positive and hope to shift the scales this week. At least I'm not going upwards :-)

I guess I will always have to battle with my weight - if I blink I'll be back up to 15+ stone !

Sending hugs to the bandsters who are facing possible cancer diagnoses, hope your fears are blown away and that everything is benign.

Major NSV

Well, it was for me. I woke up today feeling miles better, and I wonder if I do need to go to see this surgeon at all, maybe the antibiotics did the trick. .

So I carried on with day two of week three of C25K. And I did it. I managed to run 3 minutes without stopping. I could breath!

I don't think I've done that since I was a pre-teen. Even when I've been on the thinner side of fat, I've never been great with cardio-vascular exercise. 30 yrs since I last comfortably ran like that.

Maybe there is hope for this couch potato yet.!

Official: Exercise if bad for you

Grin, well, bad for me. After the gym last night I was feeling very rough, and by this morning had to make an emergency GP appointment and I have been referred to a gynaecologist for a possible bladder prolapse. Or it could be an aggressive UTI. .

Hope that is not TMI!

The doctor did said it was probably waiting to happen and had not been exactly brought on my running. I am glad I am not obese, since being overweight is one of the things that make this worse.

And I'm glad to have an excuse not to get back to running for a while, but we will see how I get on with the consultant. I haven't seen him since. . for five years. Grin. I hope he doesn't recognise me :-)

This is not my photo :-) Made it to the gym, and struggled through day 1 of week 3 of C25k. I was not having a very good Monday and (don't ask) (I had changed before going out, then got sidetracked thinking I'd packed my bag but hadn't) got to the gym and discovered I had forgotten to pack my bra. I am too self conscious to exercise without it, (it would be dangerous) so I all but packed up and went home.

But instead I rang home and one of the children popped into the gym a few minutes later with one for me.

I was tired working out and glad to finish a fairly brief routine. I have back exercises (you do them on the floor) that I had meant to do, but I was too tired, so I'll do them before bed.

(They are from the Egoscue method, and I've found them quite effective before; when I was heavier. But I do need to do them)

(http://www.bodybalancefunction.co.uk/media/Cycling%20weekly%20September.ex.pdf)

But the cheerful news is that I was 9-13 (or 139lbs) today, so I was happy with that.

Got to keep chipping away.

In case anyone hasn't seen Catherine's blog, she is soooo near goal - I am so excited for her http://chroniclesfrombandland.blogspot.com/)

Monday

This is how I feel. Mondays are never a good day. Work work work housework, work, I'm tired and I need carbohydrates. Or coffee. Or something. Ok I'm a wuss. I have had a horrible bitty sort of day not doing anything properly, and half the time getting nothing done, while getting further behind all the time in the things I am meant to do.



Off to the gym shortly - can't believe I am on week three of the c25k program. Not sure that I'll get past it (and week four looks positively terrifiying) but I suppose I can try. . . The scales at the gym are working again so I get to weigh in tonight and print a little ticket with my weight.

Restriction

(I Googled "tight restriction" and this was my favourite image. Not sure what it is. . . )



I realise I haven't said too much yet about my actual fill. Well, that went as fills have done for me - painless, quick and expensive. This time, I was glad to notice that I didn't bleed for ages afterwards - maybe it is just pot luck if they hit a blood vessel (my knowledge of biology is scanty to say the least - maybe there are no blood vessesls there, I don't know).



I had some water immediately post fill, and bought 500mils of water in a bottle to take home with me (2 hrs on public transport) so that I could gauge how much fluid I was getting down. I knew I would only be able to have fluids for a couple of days. Er well, I knew I was only meant to have fluids, but I am no good at keeping rules.



I managed to get all 500 mls down within three hours, which is good going for me, and encouraged me that my restriction is not too tight.



But having to adjust to "bandster rules" again is not easy, and to be honest since Saturday till about Tuesday was all about "adjusting" and re-learning and I pb'd a few times quite unexpectedly, when I ate too much, too fast or while talking.



On Tuesday I think I began to get more into the swing of things, and managed to have soup while out with friends (up till then I would not eat with or in front of people), so I think I'm getting there.



It did take a few days for my "head hunger" to catch up and I'd find myself reaching for foods (pasta - steak! even ) that I can't eat while tightly restricted, and I just have to admit defeat and put them back in the fridge. When I know they will not go down, and there is no physical possibility of being able to enjoy them, then somehow it is easier to give them up, take them out of the equation and stop worrying about it.



(I wonder whether this means that long term I will struggle to find a happy medium. . .I wonder if there are some foods I am better to never eat, since when I do eat them, I over eat them. Or maybe of course I'll have a happier outcome. Watch this spot!)

Exercise etc

Following the revelation that I'd gained more weight that I wanted while my restriction was loose (less?), I felt more inclined than I have of late to keep going to the gym, and managed to go four days (Monday, Wednesday, Friday *and* Saturday) last week.

I struggled to get through the three sessions of week one (days one, two and three) of the C25K program, but at least I am trying. I just get so breathless after 2o mins of cardio that I don't seem to be able to keep going.
And (I am the world's *best* at making excuses here!) I realise my body is adjusting to a drastic decrease in food and water intake, and I prob don't have a huge amount of energy.

So I am not going to beat myself up for not finishing the whole of the program. (It is only 2o minutes, not 2 hrs. But I did do some more cardio work, cycling afterwards, I just find running quite hard. And I definitely need to get a sports' bra.

Any suggestions for good makes? (When I was fatter I had a huge bust - and now I have lots of spare loose skin, a smaller bust and a large back: I take a UK size 36C now in normal underwear, but it never does seem like the right size. In fact I hate wearing it, cos I have so much loose skin to tuck in and hide away. I guess I need an old fashioned corset rather than a "sports' bra".

Hmm. Or surgery? If I could be sure it wouldn't leave me dead, disfigured or in pain, I'd definitely get some plastics work done. But there are no guarantees. Then I'd have to decide which I'd prefer - a face lift, tummy tuck, liposuction (all over), circumferential body lift, posterior body lift and breast lift with or without augumentation. And that would take some time. . .!

My biggest enemy - when it comes to exercise - is boredom. I don't often give up because of exhaustion or lack of energy or pain or tiredness; it is because I am used to being really busy mentally, and when I have nothing to do but keep running or cycling for half an hour and have no email to check or write, nothing to draft or correct, nothing to read or answer, I get terribly bored.

I haven't got a portable music player (cos I am normally at home and can play all the music I want) and I have found that reading a paperback doesn't really work for me when trying to run. need to borrow one of the children's iPods to see if that helps me.

Friday came at last

Friday came at last and I trekked into London to have a fill. My fill provider (not my original surgeon, but equally competent) weighed me and said that I was a reasonable weight for my size - but when he checked how much weight I'd gained since a defil in November he was almost as horrified as I am, and said "then we have to fix it" (he's Belgian).

I was dithering about how much fill to have back in, since he only took half a mil out in November, but in my experience if you have fill out then back in, you need more in to make you back to where you were restriction-wise, somehow. (If that is accurate then eventually I'll need more fill than my band holds . . hmmmm)

I wondered whether I should have 0.5ml or o.75 ml but my doctor said he'd be happy to give me up to 1.5mls. .. so in the end (since I always think more is better than less) I went for 1 mil. He gave me a glass of water to drink immediately and I swallowed it without difficulty. Well about 50 mils of water, not a whole glass.

So that was good.

I haven't said how much he weighed me in at - I was mortified. I'd gained 12 pounds since seeing him in November. That is scary. Twelve pounds in one month? I do think the (unrelated) meds are accounting for some temporary weight gain there, but none the less, that is a scary amount to gain in less than eight weeks.

I was 148 pounds. Thankfully, some of that might have been water weight, and on Tuesday morning here at home I was only 141 pounds. (I would have weighed myself on the print-it-out machine at the gym on Monday, but the machine was broken)

I really am eating for England just now. Side effect of medication and lack of restriction. Truely horrible. But on the positive side of things it is only 72 hrs till I have a fill. And I managed to do "Day One" of the Couch to 5K" programme at the gym today.

That meant that I was able to run for 60 seconds then walk for 90 seconds for 20 minutes. Yay. Never done *that* before. I can do quite a bit of cycling but running I find hard.

As a complete non-runner, which part of my foot should hit the ground first, on the leg that goes forward: my heel or my toes? I tend to land on my toes and rock back to my heels rathr than landing on my heel and moving forward to my toes.

(Not that it really matters if I never go running again - which is how I feel right now, I am very achey. Long bath would be nice, but I'll settle for an early night. And watching an old episode of the Biggest Loser)

(Does anyone in the UK have an iPod or phone that they can watch movies on? I get so *bored* exercising!) (I know you can get them in the USA)

Finally made it back to the gym. I had this crazy idea that I might try to couch to 5 km project. I really am NOT a natural exerciser and I spend most of my life in front of the laptop, or the TV.



I joined a gym in July and was fairly good at going 2 - 3 times a week, but mostly did cycling or stretching or even power walking. Running is so NOT me. Well, I tried. Today I was meant to do 90 seconds walking, followed by 60 seconds jogging, etc for 20 minutes.



I lasted for ten minutes, by which time my bust had bounced up and hit me in the face so often I probably have two black eyes (seriously, I need a serious sports' bra); my face was purple, my heart rate was over 170 and I started to get pains in my chest. I don't think it was heart pain :-) but maybe my band was hurting?



So I stopped. I only did half of the first day of C25K - oh well, looks like it is going to take me longer than nine weeks. . . but my buzz word for this year is "COMMITTMENT" so I am going to try again either tomorrow or Weds.



Then I did some rather tame cycling and walking on a machine that has each leg going uphill at separate times; before collapsing into the hot tub and steam room; and wound up with two sunbed sessions.



And came home exhausted!



I also - not sure where I picked up the idea - decided that once week on a Monday, wearing a towel and with wet hair, I will weigh myself on the gym scales that give me printout of my weight, height and BMI. Good news is that my BMI was 22.6. Weight was higher than I'd like, but there is always next week. I'm going to keep the printouts and glue them into a scrapbook



(If you are starting out in your WLS journey, this might be a neat thing to do, wish I'd kept mine from earlier)



Have a good week, blogsters :-)

I have decided that I am not going to weigh myself until I get weighed for my fill. I really do not have any restriction (or not much) and I am resigned to putting on a few pounds. Hopefully I'll get it off again easily once I'm filled.

I better!

I am trying to make better choices with food, but two things are hampering me (notice how good I am at excuses :-)) (1) I am really hungry. Like stomach-growling hunger. That didn't used to happen to me at all, pre band I never waited that long to eat (grin) and post band I didn't get like that. Not sure if it is to do with so little restriction, but my stomach gurgles and groans and rumbles a lot now.

(2) I'm on some unrelated medication which threatens that some might gain weight as a side effect. Sigh, I think I am one of them.

But I'm staying positive, and hopefully will get back to the gym *soon* now that the snow has cleared up.

Enjoying reading everyone's blogs - Dinnerland glad you are back open for business; Bunny, you've been away for a week, hope you are ok.

Dinnerland

Hi, not sure why your blog has gone private, hope you are ok, and if you would be happy for me to read, you can invite me via bandster@ntlworld.com

I'm still struggling a bit with too many carbs and not enough restriction - and not enough exercise. *Bad* combination. But not long till Jan 23rd and my fill.

Snowed in

Due to the snow in London, I wasn't able to get to my fill appointment today; so will have to wait another two weeks. Not too disappointed, I really didn't want to go out in this weather. It's been quite rough (for England: I know it is quite mild compared to North America)

I hope I don't gain too much weight while waiting.

Compulsive eating

Not sure what is wrong with me (though I know my band is too loose and I'm getting a fill soon) but apart from that - I seem to be going crazy. I just want to eat and eat and eat. Not just food, but chocolate, junk, slider foods (chips, cheese and chocolate being my favourites)

I am trying, I really am, I start the day sensibly, I drink lots of water, I do ok till about 3pm, then I start to eat; and I eat for England. I don't pb (unless I eat sthg stupid too fast), but I eat and eat and eat and eat. . .

And I'm frankly terrified.

I dunno if it is a hormonal thing . . .or am I stressed? Or is it winter? Or depression?

Help!!! I've not eaten like this for a long time (like when I used to be obese)

I am trying all the standard things like keeping my hands busy, distracting myself, going for walks, baths, reading books, cheering myself up with other things, but heck, I dunno what is going on, I am eating everything in sight.

There has to be a reason; and I am going to find it, and whack it over the head. The weird thing is that my stomach often rumbles with hunger, so it's not like my stomach is full - it's sometimes empty (and a rumbly - tummy is not something that I have normallly experienced - yet the last ten days or so I feel it several times a day). Yet there is no way I need the food I'm grabbing. I would be embarassed to say what I've eaten today, so I won't.

But I'm going to sort this. Reductil (Meridia) here I come (if necessary, I'll try *anything* legal to keep my weight normal)

(No flames please!)

Question of the week

Do you think our bodies are programmed to put on fat over the winter? (From the days when food was scare and the world was cold and there was no central heating or grocery stores?)

Would be interested in any thoughts on that.

Happy New Year

Happy New Year to everyone in Bandster-BlogLand. I am still battling with little to no restriction, and the huge amount of snackable slider foods around the house, so am not doing too well weight wise. Haven't gotten on the scales this week, but will soon (honest!)

People on various blogs are talking about having "one word" to sum up their approach to 2010. For some it is adventure; others (http://carasquest.blogspot.com/) focus. I think my word for 2010 had to be "committment". Starting what I finish. Making more effort to be consistent. Committing to the bandster way of life for good, not just for a while.

I think I must have the world's worst will power. I have so many good intentions about healthy eating or exercise, but none of them seem to come to much. Bunny over at http://weightloss-expedition.blogspot.com/ has been giving up on additives esp MSG and that is making a huge difference to how she feels as well as her weight. While it seems like a great idea in theory, I find the thought of doing all that home cooking exhausting.

Maybe I have chronic fatigue or something. More like chronic laziness :-/

My thyroid continues to be unstable and I'm due for more blood tests this month. And my HRT which I'd been stable on for years has been stopped. Not by my GP, but the manufacturers no longer make it, and the substitute I've been given is rubbish. So need to go back and discuss with my doctor.

Have a fill coming up in the next week (hoooooooray) and look forward to getting back on track. Even if it means sipping hot water thru a straw for a few days (as I've had to do in the past)

I did manage a couple of sessions at the gym, (go me!) and hope to go again soon. Will post my weight once I've dared to get on to the scales.

Oh dear oh dear

I am up to 10 stone 1.8 pounds. It is all my own fault (grin, wish I could blame some evil force at work in the universe, but I can't) - I've been snacking too much, my restriction is all but gone, and I've not been to the gym as much as I should or could have.

On the positive side of things, I've booked a fill, and am determined to try to cut down on what I'm mindlessly eating (quite a lot at this time of yr). Total intake today, two cups of coffee, and one Cambridge Diet drink. So far, so good. Roll on next week and my fill. I feel like asking for another 2mils, but since I just had 0.5mls out, I doubt I'd survive that. Not sure if it is worth having 0.25, but less is sometimes more when it comes to restriction.

At least I'm not facing yet another New Year's resolution to lose 100 pounds; I only need to lose ten or so. And that is not impossible with a band.

Bah Humbug

I am not feeling Christmassy at all. I'm cold and tired and trying not to eat too much. Since my defill I've stopped pbing completely which is great (though if I do drink diet Coke which hasn't had time to go flat too fast it might come back up), but I'm scared of weight gain.



So I am anxiously watching every calorie, and I hate it.



One thing that never worked for me was the sense of not being hungry. I am always hungry and often thinking about food when I really don't need to eat. And although I get full easily, I also get hungry again quickly.

I think I had too much out at my last defill. It seems likely that my stomach was swollen with pbing and now that my restriction is less and that has settled down, the swelling has gone down and I have too little restriction.

Bands are hard work!

Enjoying the sucess stories out there in Bandland!

Tough time.

Just gone by my 2 yr oppiversary. I really haven't lost any weight at all since this time last yr.
2 yrs ago I was 15 stone 3
1 yr ago I was 10 stone 4

Today I am between 9-12 and 10-2

Which means that in one yr I've not reallly moved at all. I don't want to stablized (and I am not stable) at 10 stone 2, 4, or 6. I would rather be 8 stone 2, 4 or 6. Lowest I ever got to was 8-12.

I realise it is Xmas, lots of lovely food around, lots of entertainment, out of routine, etc.

But oh my goodness, what am I going to do! I seem to be on the "regain wagon" hard and fast.

Not saying this to frighten anyone, but just to be honest.

I hate the fact I've regained weight.

I hate being too tight for clothes that used to look great on me.

I hate standing on the scales.

I hate the looks on people's faces when they last saw me at 8-12 and I am now 10 - 15 pounds heavier and their face says it all ("it was just another mad crazy crash diet, and though she lost so much weight, she is back on the way up up and up and given time she'll be fat fat fat again"

Soo o o o o what am I going to do about it? I guess a fill is on the cards, asap. And until then, self control, discipline and dieting.

Gym

Went to the gym today for the first time in ages - I always feel better when I go, though I am a bit knackered from the exercise. I am really unfit, and I need to work on getting more diligent at going regularly.

Oh well, every little helps. When I was weighed at the band doctor on Saturday I was 136 lbs (though that was with quite a lot of clothes on)

Will weigh myself properly tomorrow.

I am eating more, but less often than pre my defill. So far.

need to make some changes

Have been reading a lot of bandster blogs tonight and thinking things over a bit.

I need to make some changes.

I would like to stop eating so many ready meals (I am seriously bad at this. Although I cook decent balanced meals for the family, I do like to eat ready meals - curries, chinese, anything that qualifies as a TV dinner, I've probably eaten it this past month)

I would like to see chocolate as an occasional treat, not as an essential food group

I would like to cut out MSG and sodium a bit, and go back to a more natural diet.

(see Bunny's blog on MSG: http://weightloss-expedition.blogspot.com/)

I would like to exercise more.

Not sure I'll achieve these goals, but at least I have them. . .

This list of questions has been posted on a few bandster blogs, so I thought I'd answer. .

ANY REGRETS? Are you happy with your decision and would you do it again?
Very happy. I would do it again tomorrow and the day after that if I had to.

ARE YOU SORRY, YOU DIDN'T GIVE TRADITIONAL DIETING ONE MORE TRY?
No. I'd done the "one last try" thing for years, and it never did work. Also, there is an element of dieting (or being careful in what I eat) with a band. It's not a magic wand

WHAT IS THE WORST THING ABOUT HAVING THE BAND?
Pbing, which I do quite a lot (sometimes) and the fact that the band only works on my stomach, not my mind. Sometimes head hunger can be excessive yet my band won't let me eat; that can be difficult

WHAT IS THE BEST THING ABOUT HAVING THE BAND?
Losing six stone (nearly 90 pounds). Defintely a good thing! I had dieted all my life and never lost weight like this, and never kept weight off, till now.

On a scale of 1 to 10 HOW HARD WAS/IS IT PSYCHOLOGICALLY TO GET OVER THE FACT THAT YOU CAN'T EAT THE SAME WAY ANYMORE?
About 6 - 7 (1 being easy, 10 hard). I do struggle sometimes with head hunger and wanting to "pig out" and I can't, and that isn't easy

HAS BEING BANDED MADE YOUR PERSONALITY CHANGE? For the better or worse?
Are you still able to party a little? (I am a wine drinker...can't imagine giving it up completely) and are you a party pooper now cause you can't party as much?
Not sure about that to be honest. I still drink wine and still party as I did. But in every day life I'd say I have changed. I am quieter in a lot of situations, no longer need to "overcompensate" for my "failings" (ie being fat).

I am more calm in myself, and probably less outgoing, happier to take a back seat. It hasnt' made me more assertive as some bandsters find.

HOW MUCH HAPPIER ARE YOU WITH YOUR BODY? I am wondering what I will look like 50-80 lbs thinner. I am 47 and will have a "lose skin" issue.

With my clothes on I am about 80% happier with my body (still got fat calves and ankles and I prob need a face lift). With no clothes - hmm, lots of work needed, I have a lot of loose skin on my tummy and I have no behind at all, just saggy skin. I'm 43.

HAVE YOUR RELATIONSHIPS WITH OTHERS CHANGED? Spouses? Family? Friends? Strangers?

See above re personality. Family - no, my dh loved me like I was, that hasn't changed. At least one of my kids have said that they think I looked better fat (!!!) prob cos my face has gotten a lot thinner.

Friends - some are different towards me, not everyone likes it when the fat friend becomes a thin friend.

Strangers - yes, you do get treated differently when you are thin.

DO YOU FEEL LIKE THE SAME PERSON OR COMPLETELY DIFFERENT NOW THAT YOU HAVE LOST WEIGHT?
A bit of both. It takes a long time for my head to catch up with my body. I still avoid normal clothes shops, and buy a size that is too big online (!)

Also, and this is probably a post in itself; when you are overweight long term and struggling always to lose weight, it is easy to think that if you were thin then life would be perfect, everything will be different. But it's not. All that has happened is that I've lost weight. The rest of life is just like it was. The good, the bad and the ugly. But now, I have nothing to blame for the bad and the ugly (in the past I'd have blamed my weight)

Had a defill

I straggled (as in struggled, but it was wet and miserable) into London this morning to see a fill provider (not my original surgeon, but he is almost as good - Belgian, Dr Marc Focquet, (website here) .

I explained that I wanted a little out because I am too restricted right now - have been pbing quite a lot which is not a good thing, and have been eating nothing but junk, which is equally not a good thing. He is a good doctor and always listens and thinks before offering advice. He suggested taking out 0.5mils, which was ok with me.

It wasn't painful (no more than usual - I am a complete baby with pain, I hate it) when the needle went in, but, which was unusual, I bled quite a bit, and now have a black and blue bruise the size of a 50p piece where my port is. Hmm, that has never happened before.

Didn't feel different after the defill - Dr Marc showed me the amount he'd taken out in the syringe, and it really is tiny, I did wonder how much difference it can make.

Since getting home, I've been able to eat soup, coffee and chocolate :-) I know, I know, keep off the chocolate. I feel like I've been a bit dehydrated the last week or two, since getting any food to stay down was difficult, and although I could drink a lot of fluid, a lot of it did come back up.

Feeling more human since my defill. Just hope I don't start gaining weight too fast.

Update

There hasn't been much to say on the banding front lately. I've still been reading lots of blog and keeping up to date with everyone, some spectacular progress being made, and NSVs all round.

I'm 133 pounds (9 stone 7), which is ok.

But my band has gotten tighter for no reason, and I've been pbing quite badly. So I'm booked to see a fill provider (not my surgeon) on Saturday to get a tiny defill - I'll probably ask for 0.25 mils out. £100 is a lot to pay for 0.25mils, but life is getting too difficult with my band this tight, as there is very little real food I can eat; and even slider foods are coming back up sometimes.

In other news, my GP rang today, my last blood results

came back showing that my thyroid is low.

My thyroid tends to be unstable, sometimes up and then down, so I haven't often had medication for it. But I have to go for more blood tests to get it checked again. I'm not very good at going for follow up appointments, the doctor has to chase me up, I guess I am too busy with real life (and my band doctor) to often go to my GP.

If my thyroid is underactive, it might mean I get medication which might make me less tired and help my hair.

Since WLS my hair has been a disaster - it was never partic thick or glossy, but post op it has been (and it is nearly 2 yrs) very poorly and miserable. Almost embarassingly so. I'm tempted to get it cut very short to see if it would look better, but I am not sure. It really doesn't grow fast at all - I know cos it is dyed, and while my friends have to do their roots fairly often, I hardly ever have to. . . ever cloud has a silver lining.

Am meeting a friend who I only see a couple of times a year in a couple of weeks. A never-had-a-weight-problem friend, who is fascinated by my weight loss (she knows about the band)

Talking of people knowing, my mom was visiting last week. And she was soooooo curious about my weight loss it was difficult. I last saw her in July 08 when I'd lost a little weight and she was pleased for me (she is one of those people to whom being thin is *the* most important thing in life; and left me with many hang-ups about it over the years). Then I saw her briefly in August this yr (very briefly) and she was delighted at how thin I'd got - but like all previous attempts, she was sure it was a crash diet, and that I'd soon put it all back on.

So seeing me three months later, still the same weight, has puzzled her completely.

I've yo-yo'd between really quite fat and really quite normal-sized over the years, but never stayed normal sized, always got back fast to being fat. So she is very very curious as to what I've done this time.

She's known when I've taken Xenical, Reductil, etc, and she watched me fail with these. I'd never tell her. . . I hope she doesn't ask me straight out.

A to Z

Have see this on a few bandster blogs. . . not sure how interesting it is to anyone, but here goes . .

ABCDEFGHIJKLMNOPQRSTUVWXYZ

A
- Age: 43 (and going to stay here for some time - last yr I was 38)
- Annoyance: children who lose their pencils/books/concentration
- Animal: cat definitely


B
- Beer: Haven't drunk beer for 20+ yrs; it makes me throw up terribbbbbbly
- Birthplace: Stornoway, Isle of Lewis, Scotland
- Been in Love: Not sure
- Been bitched at: Yeah, no end
- Believe in yourself?: On good days
- Believe in God: Absolutely without a doubt
- Before weight: 220lbs ish

C
- Car: I don't drive
- Candy: any chocolate
- Colour: red
- Cried in school: not till I was quite old (like 17)
- Chocolate/Vanilla: chocolate always
- Chinese/Mexican: Chinese always
- Cake or pie: cake
- Country to visit: New York City. Been there once; it is a place without equal. London and Amsterdam come close, but my heart is in NYC

D
- Day or Night: Night! Always.
- Do the splits?: Never; though I did gymnastics in my teens

E
- Eggs: now and again
- Eyes: Brown :-( All my family have green. S'not fair.

F
- First crush:John MacNaught in Y10
- First thoughts waking up: It can't possibly be morning already??
- Food: yeah, now and again

G
- Greatest Fear: the day of judgement
- Goals: not sure than I have any
- Get along with your parents? - now and again

Nine stone eight

I am so happy with that

I have not been trying at all lately

Life has been difficult; I have been comfort eating

I've had too many "liquid" calories, etc

And - big big and

I have avoided the scales.

So, finally tonight I plucked up the courage to jump on (weighing at night is not the best, cos apparently one is always lighter in the morning)

And I was only nine stone eight pounds - which is 134 pounds or 60.9kg

I'd love to be ten pounds (or five kilos) lighter, but right now, I can live with that, since I really haven't been trying, haven't been exercising (real life got in the way), and have been comfort eating quite bit

Yahooooo for my band. Without it I'd be gaining 2 - 3 pounds (1 -3kg) a week, given all the other "stuff" that is going on in my life right now. I know I would, I'd be seeking solace in food par excellence.

Yahooooo for the fact that my band has forced me on to the straight and narrow; and yeah, I am still ten pounds heavier than I'd like; but I am no way where I'd be without a band.

I could always lose weight when I tried; sometimes, lots of weight. But then when times got tough, life got difficult, things weren't easy etc; I'd give up on "the diet" and pile all the weight back on again.

With my band (God bless him) I can't give up. I can't just eat three whole pizzas without stopping, nor a whole family pack of crisps, nor yet seventeen of my son's homemade and utterly delectable donuts.

Will wont let me (my band is called Will Power). And he really won't let me get fat again. Even when the going gets tough and the tough want to get eating.

Just a thankful post. It is nearly two yrs since I was banded; I have kept between 80 and 90 pounds off since my op (more if you count the highest weight I ever hit).

Maybe this is really going to work???

I am not convinced on the one hand. I have read the statistics - at five yrs out almost all dieters have regained their original weight. AND, which is scarey, so many bandsters do well for a bit, lose loads of weight, then regain it all and go for an RNY. (check out http://www.wlsinfo.org.uk/forums/)

But for tonight, for me, this is working; and I am happy. . . .

How long?

In response to a discussion started on Dash's blog, I wrote this. We are discussing - how long physically does a band (it is after all a bit of plastic inside you) last? And what do you do when it disintegrates/collapses/falls apart etc.

It is only a bit of plastic. . . our stomachs remain unchanged (compared to having a gastric bypass or one of the more radical types of WLS - weight loss surgery)

I wrote:

You said
"[once at goal weight/ in maintenance] how often do we go back to the doc and what does he do for us in regards to the band then? "

That is the million dollar question (let's say US dollars for Catherine's sake :-))

I dunno

I dunno when or whenever or however I may need the band out

I dunno if I could keep up my weight loss (90 pounds ish) without a band

I dunno where and when and if I might need a replacement (I was 41 when I was banded; I expect, God willing, to live for another 40+ yrs)

I dunno the answers.

These are good questions. I love to hear from long time bandsters (like 5+ years) since five yrs of maintaining weight loss seems to be the "holy grail" in weight loss circles (not just WLS circles)

My surgeon (who is very well respected in England and Europe and who personally got out of bed to save my life) warned me before I committed to gastric banding that my band was NOT a life-time article.

Sometime, he said, in the next 15 - 20 yrs it will fail. I might be able (he thought 80% likely) to live with that, but have a 20% chance of needing surgery to get rid of the band which has collapsed/died/fallen apart etc.

He assumed (I don't) that by then I would have my weight under control, and that any issues with the band would be purely physiological.

Hmmmmmmmm

Lots to think through. Am not yet 2 yrs out. Best thing I ever did for myself was to get a gastric band. I never go a day without being thankful (lol and sometimes I hate it; but only for a few minutes here and there)

I love my band.

I don't want it to die

I realise it will prob die before I do

(this sounds like I am talking bout a kitten!)

If and when it does, I'll re assess the situation.

Sorry to ramble on

Hx

I still don't have any answers. . . .in fact the longer I live with my band, the more questions I have.

I am very physically aware of my port - it is prominent and since it is stitched to muscle, it is never painless.

I am also - harder to explain - aware of the band. I can feel it round my stomach all the time, although I can't physically put my hand on it cos it is behind my ribs. Nonetheless I can feel my band whenever I eat, drink, swallow, or bend forward. It is very much there in my life.

I can also - and this is unusual - feel the tubing between the two (port and band). Because of where my port was placed, as I lost weight, it has become very very close to my skin/the surface. I can feel it all the way round, and can feel the tubing coming from it up to my band.

Were I (God forbid!) to wear a bikini in public, you would see my port very obviously. And anyone who touches my port (like dh, and kids - that is all!) can immediately feel the tubing too.

Cos of the port placement and my weight loss, the plastic bits are very very near the surface.

It is not a bad thing. . . since I am in a happy marriage where my dh knows about my surgery. But if I were a singleton, I'd be very very - (nervous?) about the fact that I have a large bit of internal plastic plainly obvious in my abdomen.

Getting back on topic here - how long will I have it? I don't know. I have three dental implants (bits of metal screwed into my jaw which hold crowns which look like real normal teeth - but in reality, they are dependant on large metal screws run into my jaw) and I feel like I can live with them forever. .

Which is partly why I thought I could cope with a band rather than a sleeve or RNY.

Any opinions, please share. Apologies for hijacking The Dash's question - she's linked down the side, read her blog, it is a great read.

Hx

Measurements

Despite my weight loss, I still have body parts I hate

Especially (since reading about Catherine's NSV Catherine's Boots ) my lower legs.





I am cursed.
(and no, this is not a pic of me! I found it online; if I looked like this I would not be complaining)


I have lost 90 pounds (on a good day).


But I stillllll have calves that measure 15 inches. And cankles that measure 10 inches.

If it is any consolation to me (not much - I never ever fit into any jeans) I have thighs 17.5 inches, and hips of 33 inches; and my waist is 36 inches.

How can I ever fit into clothes?? My BMI is around 20. Theoretically I am thin. Huh. With a 36 inch waist?

Maybe I need a tummy tuck and a lower body lift and and and - lol I haven't gotten into my upper body size, but just for the record, measured without a bra on. . . my bust is. . . 43 inches

I just about fainted when I worked it out right now.

The weird thing is that my BMI is on the low side of normal (as of tonight it is 20.8). Ok, great, BMI 2o, bust 43 inches, waist 36, hips 33.

What planet have I come from? And how do I fix this??

Why ??

Why do some bandsters do really well (Catherine55 is a prime example) (http://chroniclesfrombandland.blogspot.com/), yet others (I am a member of WLSInfo Forums) really never get anywhere and after a miserable couple of years decide to go for RNY bypasses instead. Or they just give up.
What makes the difference? Is it a physiology thing - ie depending on where the band is placed or the fill level? Or is it all in our heads, and some people are better able to follow the bandster rules than others? Or (I hope not!) is obesity so heavily (no pun intended) genetically programmed into some people that bar being in a third world prison they would never lose weight?

This week

Another day, another dollar. .. .

I realise that now that I am at or around target weight, this blog could get boring. There isn't so much going on each week as there used to be.

Bunny, thanks for commenting, I am amazed you read all the way through my blog. You are right, I never thought I was getting anywhere until I did. . . it wasn't an easy trek.

Today I took a deep breath and jumped on the scales - nine stone eight pounds.

I was pleased, thought it would be worse. Ideally I'd be ten pounds lighter, but I can live with 9-8.

I had a follow up appt for my varicose veins today; short appointment, several painful injections that now look like bee stings all over my calves. Interesting to note that although I have a horrible family history and had one slight varicose vein when I was 19, I've never had them badly until I lost weight.

Apparently that is common - when you lose weight, you lose the fat which was supporting the veins and they collapse.

I will never have nice legs; but I hope I'll soon have less horrible ones. .

Today I had to go into central London, and between one thing and another, didn't manage to eat until 2.45pm. I had half a box of microwave chips with some cheese, then some salted cashews (can you see the fat??) (I did take Xenical since I'd eaten so much fat)

I'll have supper later, not sure what.

Back from the Brink

"If you feel you are losing control of your surgery specific food intake what pulls you back from the brink?"



That question was asked on the WLS Info Forum. This was my reply:



I take a deep breath, and give myself a stiff talking to, and go back to fluids only for a few days (or fluids mostly at least - milky coffee, soups, slim fast - that seems to break the snack-habit which is my commonest downfall)



My over eating is always emotion-related, and I've learned (or I am learning) to forgive myself for it, and just sit it out till I get over it, and then cut back to get my weight down a few pounds.In the past I'd have hated myself for gaining five pounds so I'd have eaten till I gained ten, then dieted like mad till I lost four and hated myself for not losing fourteen. . .



My band is a brilliant tool. It does stop me "self destructing" like I used to do, since I can't physically eat enough to gain a stone in a week (I used to be able to) (easily) I have a really slow/low metabolism, and can only eat about 800 cals a day without gaining weight. That is a sad fact of life. I don't think that will ever change. But now, with my band, it is much harder to eat 5,800 cals a day



What pulls me back from the edge? My band doesn't let me crash over the edge as fast as I used to. It's like a parachute - I still go over, but more slowly. And I'm learning that that is ok, so long as I get up again.

Maintenance

As far as maintaining my weight goes . . I'm not v good at it. I am constantly gaining a little then losing a little.

I love reading other bandster's blogs, it is always really inspiring to find out how other people are doing. Sara at http://saragetsskinny.blogspot.com/ makes some interesting points.

"Do a web search for weight loss related blogs, and you’ll turn up approximately a kajillion sites. Start clicking on them, however, and you’ll soon realize that the vast majority of them fall into two categories:

1. Relatively new blogs by people who are in the first several weeks or months (or days, even) of their current weight loss effort, and

2. Pages long abandoned with their last entries a static reminder of better times.

Given that weight loss is generally impermanent in nature, it makes sense that the websites it inspires are equally so. If statistics say that only about 3% of us will ever achieve the holy grail of weight watchers everywhere by taking (and keeping) the weight off, then it’s probably safe to assume that some 97% of weight loss bloggers will disappear along with the success they had at the scale. I understand this, but it still makes me sad."

I guess part of the reason I am going to keep this blog going is because I have been doing it for nearly two years. There aren't that many banding blogs out there which cover that length of time. And maybe this will be useful for someone who is starting out.

No pics today, sorry - but again, if you want to see before and after pics, leave a comment, or email me bandster@ntlworld.com

Update

Well, I'm back. Sort of. I gave up the other blog, I guess I wasn't happy about being so open online.

I guess at worst it's easy to imagine my mom reading my blog. No one I know IRL reads this. At least not as far as I know.

Maybe they do. At least they'd know I don't have terminal bowel cancer. Which is what they all imagine since I've lost so much weight for no reason . . . .

Anyway. . .

If anyone reads this and would like to see before and after pics - let me know, leave a comment. I am happy to share pics with real people who want to see them. Just not happy to put myself online for the world to see.

Kudos to those of you (Dash, Catherine, etc) who can. I can't.

Soz guys

The End

Not the end of my banding journey, but the end of this blog.

I am going to switch to a new blog, and will take this one down in a month's time.

I feel that there are far more people who read than comment and I am not sure why.

If you are interested in reading more , email me at bandster@ntlworld.com or leave a comment here, and I'll give you my new blog address. Sorry if this sounds paranoid, but I've been having some bad feedback in real life from things written on this blog.

PS

Have booked a band defill, I hope. It is early and I have a meeting, so if the doctor is late I will miss him. Hmmm.

Not that I really want a defill, but something has got to give, and I don't want it to be my band. Now to decide, how much to have out. . .

Struggling

The last week or so have been hard. Probably longer than that, actually. The hot weather has made my band tighter, and that has made me sicker which has irritated my stomach and made my band tighter.

So I seem to spend life hungry and tired, and never able to get proper food down, while nibbling constantly and not-good-for-you food - you know the stuff like crisps (chips) dip, nuts, ice cream and er anything liquid. Which is NOT good for me.

I am in the horrible position of being so restricted that I am "hardly eating" in terms of food, yet I have put on four pounds. I am now 9 stone 6. And growing, at this rate.

I have two choices, accept the tight band, go on to something like the Cambridge Diet/Slim Fast and get used to not eating food (not sure how that is going to work . . .) or have 1 mil out of my band to give myself a chance to eat real food and hopefully lose weight because I won't be eating so much junk.

Sigh.
This is not good. I am pbing constantly, like 20 times a day? I don't count,but everything I try to eat gets stuck; I'm sick, I get hungry, I try to eat, it gets stuck. . . and so it goes on.

I'm also getting heart burn/acid indigestion, which is *bad* - I never normally get this. I know it is from the irritation to my band/stomach caused by poor diet and pbing non stop. To explain how tight my band is, I just had some lovely (huh!) Gaviscon extra (for foreign readers, this is a thick, gloopy, mint tasting, chalk textured antacid) and even that is likely to come back up, since it is not clear liquid.

Boooo. I am having a bad day. Writing this helps. I'm looking into getting a defill on Friday, though that will be complicated cos I have a meeting to go to; and there is the problem that any defill is likely to make me gain weight really fast. And even if I have a defill now, I will have to have a refill soon. . . which is £200 down the drain.

I hate this yoyo-ing. It is as bad as being on diet. And it proves that my head issues are still well and truely there, and I've not learned anything really.

Thanks for letting me vent.

Maintaining slowly

I seem to be fairly settled at around 9 stone 3. That isn't to say it is easy, I wish, grin.

Because I am home based, I am around food all day. I can never eat a huge amount at once, but cos I can eat more later, then later then later, then again, I have to be careful that I'm not adding up calories without realising it.

I do find when I am out and about doing other things that I lose weight more easily - when I'm at home, I am more likely to take risks, and try to eat food that my band hates, or eat too much, cos if I am sick at home it isnt the worst disaster.

However when I'm out with friends or anywhere other than home, I am much more careful and don't overeat, and I find I'm likely to lose a couple of pounds that week. . .

Moral of the story - stay home moms have more probs with bands :-)

Found some photos

Found some old photos of myself injecting blood thinners after surgery, don't think I've posted them before - pretty scary stuff!

My stomach is currently pretty horrible. But at least it doesn't look like this any more. . .

Biggest Loser

Been watching the TV program, UK version. I am about ten days behind, cos I never have time to watch it in real time, so always see it on catch up tv. . .

They had this episode where they had to pick up the weight in fat of what they'd lost. It looked huge and heavy.

I've lost . . (6 x 14) + . . . . nearly 90 pounds. (or 38 kg). Wow. Would NOT like to see that in fat that I had to pick up and carry around.

That is the weird thing about weight loss surgery. You lose weight almost so slowly that you dont notice it. If you read back on this blog I had times where I wasn't losing, or where I was fed up cos I didn't seem to be losing fast enough, I felt I was going nowhere, etc.

But now, 18 months on; wow. I am a lot lighter than I was. I don't actually look fat any more.. . .

Hard for me to say that, my mind hasn't yet caught up with my body.

Low blood sugar?

The other day I had a weird experience.

I don't normally do much exercise - to be honest, I do none at all. I am absolutely sedentary and don't like going upstairs more than a couple of times a day if I can help it.

Was out with friends last week, and went for a brisk 20 minute walk. Then for a swim and then to a sauna and steam room. Then a 20 min walk home. By the time (noon) we got back, I was beginning to feel dreadful.

All I'd eaten all day was one cup of coffee. I felt really nauseous, sick, dizzy and weak. And kind of spaced out? Like I wasn't in touch with reality.

I had felt ok while swimming, though I'd found the brisk walk quite tiring, esp on the way home, and found it hard to keep making conversation while walking (getting out of breath).

I had to go out of the steam room cos I felt dizzy,but thought it was just the heat.

But the sick/weak/weird feeling kept on for ages. In the end I thought it might be low sugar, so I managed to drink some fruit juice; then some more.

I felt worse and worse and began to wonder if I was going to have to call an ambulance. . I couldn't eat any food, but thought that fruit juice might help my blood sugar levels.

Eventually it did. Wow was I grateful to start feeling "normal" again.

And I will never ever exercise on an empty stomach again!

Photos

I've put pictures of myself pre and post op on to a separate private blog; if you want to see them, leave your email address and I'll send you an invitation.

Starving

For no obvious reason I am starving. It's 0930, and I've been awake for 4 hrs. Had two cups of coffee since waking and starting to nibble pistachio nuts, but decided to think what I really want to eat. . .

A tin of these! Thankfully we live near a supermarket, so I can go to get some before lunch. My stomach is rumbling at the thought!

Friday 19th

And 8 stone 13.9 pounds this morning, which surprised me cos I feel like I've been pigging out a bit lately. Maybe it's dehydration cos of the warm weather (beautiful here in the South of England).

Still debating about posting personal photos here. .