On reflection

Things possibly aren't as bad as they seem :-) I have lost 5 - 7 lbs in the last month, and in the last couple of weeks have got my eating more under control. I just try not to think about real food and drink my slim fast or CD sachets.

I feel like I am constantly on a diet, but at least I am getting somewhere, compared to the nowhere I'd been for the last couple of yrs.

A band is not a magic wand. It's not even a magic band. But every little helps

Sorry if this blog sounds so whingey and depressed, I am trying to be honest with weight and how it affects my life.

But the days I move down 0.3 of a pound I feel quite positive.

I also found photos of me from this time last yr, and I was shocked at how fat I was (and I never keep the really awful fat pictures; I must have thought at the time I looked ok)

I definitely look better. I havent 'arrived, but hopefully I'll keep going in the right direction.

Slowly inching down

Well, I don't know about inches cos I don't measure. But I am slowly moving two steps down and one back up the scale. Lowest recently is 11.11, but today (after a very good day yesterday I was 11.13 - I think I probably didn't drink enough water)

Am on the Cambridge Diet most of the time since I can't eat real food hardly at all, and at least I'm getting nutrition down me. That's become more important since I noticed my hair is getting thin

Swimming Pt2

The worst happened. I was playing around with my 9 r old and he or I knocked into another woman with a child (it couldn't have been a major splash cos I didn't notice) and she let of a mouthful of abuse at me.

I stared open mouthed, about to apologise (cos fat people always apologise, even when it's not their fault) and she yelled at me again; and beckoning to everyone around her said "she nearly ***** knocked me out".

Changed my mind about apologising, but got out of the water quickly because I didn't want to respond. I was pretty upset, all par for the course right now. Low self esteem and overweight and nasty people aren't a good combination.

Swimming

I've agreed to go swimming with dh and the kids this afternoon. What have I done? Admittedly I have a specially imported-from-Australia sun protection swim suit which covers me from elbows to knees; so I don't look tooooo awful.

But I look about 5 months pregnant; and won't be doing any swimming, just standing around in the baby pool with the little boys while everyone looks at me.

Oh well, what is the worst that can happen?? (I meet someone I know??)

More of the same

Havent' posted in ages. Shame on me. Not losing weight Not gained any more, 12-3 to 12 -5 ish. I am eating garbage, and pbing like mad (if you ever want to scare anyone, eat beetroot b4 u pb, it comes back up looking like blood!)

Fill next week I think. Not sure it will help since I cna't basically eat any food without throwing up and am putting weight on cos I drink too much calorific fluids.

This will be the first UK fill - would go to Belgium (I love getting away) but my passport is being renewed at the Passport and Identity service