Thursday, 22 May 2008

Cambridge Diet

I finally (after years of sort of trying it by buying it from friends or ebay) went to a CD counsellor and got a week's supply of the Cambridge Diet.

I am not sure that I will use it as a sole source, but it will hopefully help me sometimes to avoid more calorific choices. And nutritionally it should be better for me than Cadbury's Highlights or Cup a Soup.

I am scared to get on the scales.

Tuesday, 20 May 2008

The difference 1 mil makes

I am now far more able to eat than I was and scared stupid that I'll put on weight. Nothing seems too hard to eat if I eat it slowly; and I am a dreadful grazer.

I can't believe how different my stomach feels since he took the 1 mil out - it feels like I hardly have a band at all. Oh no oh no! It is going to be hard work - hard hard work to stop myself gaining weight while the inflamation goes down and I can have more fill put in.

More of Brussels

A group of people gathered round the tourist attraction "Mannekin Pis"
And this is the Grand Place - during the summer months, despite the rain - it poured on Saturday, various traders set out their stalls to attract tourists.

Part of one of the buildings is being renovated and is covered in posters:

And I really liked this: the spaces between the arches are painted, but give the impression that you are looking out into the countryside. Pretty clever

Eating again

That evening I was able to eat in the Campanille restaurant (I would never have tried before the de fill, since I'd be bound to be sick at some point) and altho it was a slow process - putting my fork down between bites, etc, I eventually managed half my dinner of grilled salmon and very nice it was too!

Next morning I tried to have breakfast but that didn't work at all - he had warned me to keep away from meat and bread for a while, and I suppose bacon and rubbery scrambled eggs weren't a very good choice. I couldnt' in the end even drink the coffee.

Gave up on that idea and went into Brussels for a touristy wander around. I had bought a guide book this time, which should have made it easier for me, but the way the Lower Town is laid out, you don't really need one.

Galleries St Hubert - the first shopping centre in Europe.

Off to Brussels again

Set off for Belgium on Friday - not really able to eat anything significant. I did buy a chicken and advocado sandwich, but was only able to scrape some of the advocado off and eat it, and even then ended up pbing in the Eurostar terminal (tidily into a plastic bag I'd brought along just in case)

Not good.

I was pretty stressed about getting to Chris de Bruyne since my train wasn't in till 5.30pm and he'd said he wasn't going to be around after 8pm.

By now I am fairly used to finding the train timetables and working out where the Vilvoorde train goes from, platform 20 at 6.07 or platform 17 at 5.52.

Managed to get to platform 7 for the 5.52 - I noticed the sun was shining. It hardly shines in Brussels - not for nothing a taxi driver once told me that Belgium is known as "the land of the hidden sun"

However, in true London form, the 5.52 never did turn up, and eventually there were a series of incomprehensible announcements and I moved rapidly to platform 20 to get the next train to Vilvoorde.
I arrived at the Campanille in time to order a taxi, freshen up a little and get off to Melsbroek to see CDB. I was quite nervous in the waiting room - which I've never been before - since I really didn't know if I needed a fill or a defill or what.
When I told him I'd been dehydrated and being sick, he immediately said he would take 1mil out and that I would need an xray.
The xray was quick and painless, and the stuff I had to swallow wasn't nearly as bad as I thought. He told me to drink it as fast as possible, so I just glugged it down and hoped it didn't all come back up! Thankfully it did not and he was able to see that altho my band was still in the correct position, and there was no damage to my oesophagus, there was swelling and inflammation round my band, so the 1mil he'd taken out has to stay out for now
He said I could have it back in in a month or so, but for now, to drink at least an extra litre of water each day or I'd end up with a UTI (bladder infection)
(He was right, I already had one)

Thursday, 15 May 2008

Fill tomorrow?

I feel a lot better than a did last week, and I am glad I saved the £150 I was going to pay last week going for an emergency de-fill.

I hope to see Dr Chris tomorrow evening- God willing: it depends on the Belgian trains running on time. . since I'm getting a later Eurostar than usual. I should get there on time. . .but I'm a dreadful worrier for being late, and my idea of being on time is really being an hour early grin, so I hope I am not too stressed tomorrow.

Am hoping to have an xray to see if everything is ok, and then I really don't know what to do. My band has been very tight and I am being sick a lot of the time. But only because I try to eat or drink too much.

Even water doesn't go past my band very easily.

I do wonder if I should have it tightened a tiny amount, to stop my getting so many liquid calories down. (It is frightening, but you can live, fat, on nothing but liquids, and never lose weight)

Alternatively, should I have it loosened a bit so I can eat more normally an healthily?

I don't want to go yo-yoing between fills and un fills all my life; so really am not sure what I am going to do tomorrow.

Amn't I hopeless?!

I will be interested to see what the xray shows, in particularly whether there is swelling round the band or my oesphagus is swollen. If nothing shows, maybe I should leave the band as it is. . .

I have only lost 6lbs in the last month or so; but then I haven't being trying over hard.

Sigh, what to do . . .

Thursday, 8 May 2008


Just noticed (unless all the pain and swelling in my stomach has affected my brain) that I have a 41% EWL. That sounds enormous. Tho the first half is always going to be easier to do than the second half. . .

I'm not yet five months out and have lost 32lbs - it isn't a huge loss, but like I've said before, unlike diets, I can't get out of this. A band is for life, not just in the run up to Christmas :-)

Tough couple of days

It has been a tough couple of days with a lot of vomitting, reflux, gaviscon, vomitting, dehydration etc.

I cracked last night and emailed the Healthier Weight Centres to see if they could do an emergency un fill. It got complicated when I realised it would be £150 for the band adjustment, *plus* £250 for an xray. No could do.

And I am not sure I wanted someone fiddling around with my band without an xray first. But in the end I agreed to go for the adjustment; £150 didn't seem a lot to pay for what I hoped would be instant pain relief.

Sigh - the best laid plans of mice and men etc. I set off and walked the half hour to the train station; only to find that due to an incident on the line there were no trains into London. When I found myself still on the platform an hour later, it was plain I wouldn't make it to the hospital before the end of clinic time, so I gave up and walked all the way home again.

Absolutely exhausted with the walking, not sure if it is the fallout from my recent infection.

So I survived another day with no un fill. Only eight days till I see Chris de Bruyne. I hope I make it.

Not able to eat or drink a lot; well not that a lot stays down. Which on the bright side of things meant that this morning I was 168.9lbs. The lowest I've been in a long time.

There is definitely a (significant) part of my mind that tells me that it doesn't matter what I suffer, if I am losing weight it is worth it. I know in my head that that is rubbish; but in my heart I am well and truely convinced of the "no pain no gain" theory.

Except when the pain gets so bad I am nearly crying. Then in the middle of the night I'd do anything for a defill of my band and the ability to relax my stomach muscles.

But in the middle of the night there isn't much I can do. But hey, I've lost a pound or so - not a lot, but I have got to keep going. . .

Tuesday, 6 May 2008

And down again

I don't mean my weight either; just my general outlook on life the universe and this band. Since I was ill (and my tonsils are beginning to hurt again) I think my band has tightened quite a bit and I spent most of today trying to drink fluids and throwing up.

It is now 1am and I am so thirsty and my throat/oesophagus/stomach are aching fit to cry over. I can't go to sleep cos I am hungry and thirsty and in pain, and I vomitted all my antibiotics for today so I'm scared of the infection coming back . .if I knew how, I'd unfill my band right now.

I know I'm only whingeing and I should feel better tomorrow - but right now I feel pretty miserable.

Still 12-2. Or 12-3. Not losing weight just heart and hope.

I have made arrangements to go to Belgium in 10 days time. I do need to get an x ray this time and to find out if my band is too tight.

Sometimes I think I don't care how tight it is so long as I lose weight, but lately there's been too much pain and vomitting and I still am not losing weight.

Not a sustainable position even short term. I hope tomorrow is better

Sunday, 4 May 2008

Monday May 5th

Feeling more positive today - finally over that ghastly throat infection (I think) and on the mend. Weight wise I will see what I weigh in the morning,but I do think if I am going to shift much more weight I am going to have to start being a lot more careful about what I eat and do more exercise

In short I need to go on a diet :-) I also need to up my water intake, I really am not getting enough fluid down, esp since I lose a lot thru being sick.

My potassium is low,but I can't stomach the postassium pills the hospital gave me (huge round things you dissolved into fizzy water, which tastes as tho it has salt and sugar in it - uggggg)

Might ask GP for alternative, or hope that it goes away on it's own. I think it will if I am sick less.

Spring seems to have finally sprung, so apart from a dehydration headache and not being able to sleep, i feel great.

The not sleeping is becoming a bad habit. I am pretty sure it is because I don't do enough exercise during the day. Need to try harder

Friday, 2 May 2008

Bad times

First the kids got sick. Then I got really sick, in hospital. It was scarlet fever - sounds like something people died of in Victorian times and I have to say that without anti biotics I can see why.

I had a sore throat Sunday morning; by Monday am I could not eat or drink, and by the evening I was choking on saliva since it could not get down my throat.

It took ages to get seen by a GP and he sent (thank God for a GP with any sense) me to hospital since if I couldn't swallow saliva there was no way I was gonna get mega huge antibiotic capsules down my throat.

I am a lot better, tho quite weak from the experience. Still trying to take the pills. Bleugh.

But I am - this is paranoid I know but bear with me - scared I've put on weight. Because I simply can't pb everything I eat or drink, which is what I've been doing for the last two months.

I have to keep the antibiotics down, so for several hours a day I can't vomit..

I feel fatter, look fatter and I am scared to death that I'll have put on half a stone in 5 days (yes it is possible)

I am only eating soup, cheese and cracker bread, but that in the past has been enough to make me fat.

Big sigh.

Lowest I've been on the scales recently is 12-2; but I am sure tomorrow am I'll be 12-9 or sthg.