Thursday, 28 January 2010


(I Googled "tight restriction" and this was my favourite image. Not sure what it is. . . )

I realise I haven't said too much yet about my actual fill. Well, that went as fills have done for me - painless, quick and expensive. This time, I was glad to notice that I didn't bleed for ages afterwards - maybe it is just pot luck if they hit a blood vessel (my knowledge of biology is scanty to say the least - maybe there are no blood vessesls there, I don't know).

I had some water immediately post fill, and bought 500mils of water in a bottle to take home with me (2 hrs on public transport) so that I could gauge how much fluid I was getting down. I knew I would only be able to have fluids for a couple of days. Er well, I knew I was only meant to have fluids, but I am no good at keeping rules.

I managed to get all 500 mls down within three hours, which is good going for me, and encouraged me that my restriction is not too tight.

But having to adjust to "bandster rules" again is not easy, and to be honest since Saturday till about Tuesday was all about "adjusting" and re-learning and I pb'd a few times quite unexpectedly, when I ate too much, too fast or while talking.

On Tuesday I think I began to get more into the swing of things, and managed to have soup while out with friends (up till then I would not eat with or in front of people), so I think I'm getting there.

It did take a few days for my "head hunger" to catch up and I'd find myself reaching for foods (pasta - steak! even ) that I can't eat while tightly restricted, and I just have to admit defeat and put them back in the fridge. When I know they will not go down, and there is no physical possibility of being able to enjoy them, then somehow it is easier to give them up, take them out of the equation and stop worrying about it.

(I wonder whether this means that long term I will struggle to find a happy medium. . .I wonder if there are some foods I am better to never eat, since when I do eat them, I over eat them. Or maybe of course I'll have a happier outcome. Watch this spot!)

Wednesday, 27 January 2010

Exercise etc

Following the revelation that I'd gained more weight that I wanted while my restriction was loose (less?), I felt more inclined than I have of late to keep going to the gym, and managed to go four days (Monday, Wednesday, Friday *and* Saturday) last week.

I struggled to get through the three sessions of week one (days one, two and three) of the C25K program, but at least I am trying. I just get so breathless after 2o mins of cardio that I don't seem to be able to keep going.
And (I am the world's *best* at making excuses here!) I realise my body is adjusting to a drastic decrease in food and water intake, and I prob don't have a huge amount of energy.

So I am not going to beat myself up for not finishing the whole of the program. (It is only 2o minutes, not 2 hrs. But I did do some more cardio work, cycling afterwards, I just find running quite hard. And I definitely need to get a sports' bra.

Any suggestions for good makes? (When I was fatter I had a huge bust - and now I have lots of spare loose skin, a smaller bust and a large back: I take a UK size 36C now in normal underwear, but it never does seem like the right size. In fact I hate wearing it, cos I have so much loose skin to tuck in and hide away. I guess I need an old fashioned corset rather than a "sports' bra".

Hmm. Or surgery? If I could be sure it wouldn't leave me dead, disfigured or in pain, I'd definitely get some plastics work done. But there are no guarantees. Then I'd have to decide which I'd prefer - a face lift, tummy tuck, liposuction (all over), circumferential body lift, posterior body lift and breast lift with or without augumentation. And that would take some time. . .!

My biggest enemy - when it comes to exercise - is boredom. I don't often give up because of exhaustion or lack of energy or pain or tiredness; it is because I am used to being really busy mentally, and when I have nothing to do but keep running or cycling for half an hour and have no email to check or write, nothing to draft or correct, nothing to read or answer, I get terribly bored.

I haven't got a portable music player (cos I am normally at home and can play all the music I want) and I have found that reading a paperback doesn't really work for me when trying to run. need to borrow one of the children's iPods to see if that helps me.

Friday came at last

Friday came at last and I trekked into London to have a fill. My fill provider (not my original surgeon, but equally competent) weighed me and said that I was a reasonable weight for my size - but when he checked how much weight I'd gained since a defil in November he was almost as horrified as I am, and said "then we have to fix it" (he's Belgian).

I was dithering about how much fill to have back in, since he only took half a mil out in November, but in my experience if you have fill out then back in, you need more in to make you back to where you were restriction-wise, somehow. (If that is accurate then eventually I'll need more fill than my band holds . . hmmmm)

I wondered whether I should have 0.5ml or o.75 ml but my doctor said he'd be happy to give me up to 1.5mls. .. so in the end (since I always think more is better than less) I went for 1 mil. He gave me a glass of water to drink immediately and I swallowed it without difficulty. Well about 50 mils of water, not a whole glass.

So that was good.

I haven't said how much he weighed me in at - I was mortified. I'd gained 12 pounds since seeing him in November. That is scary. Twelve pounds in one month? I do think the (unrelated) meds are accounting for some temporary weight gain there, but none the less, that is a scary amount to gain in less than eight weeks.

I was 148 pounds. Thankfully, some of that might have been water weight, and on Tuesday morning here at home I was only 141 pounds. (I would have weighed myself on the print-it-out machine at the gym on Monday, but the machine was broken)

Tuesday, 19 January 2010

I really am eating for England just now. Side effect of medication and lack of restriction. Truely horrible. But on the positive side of things it is only 72 hrs till I have a fill. And I managed to do "Day One" of the Couch to 5K" programme at the gym today.

That meant that I was able to run for 60 seconds then walk for 90 seconds for 20 minutes. Yay. Never done *that* before. I can do quite a bit of cycling but running I find hard.

As a complete non-runner, which part of my foot should hit the ground first, on the leg that goes forward: my heel or my toes? I tend to land on my toes and rock back to my heels rathr than landing on my heel and moving forward to my toes.

(Not that it really matters if I never go running again - which is how I feel right now, I am very achey. Long bath would be nice, but I'll settle for an early night. And watching an old episode of the Biggest Loser)

(Does anyone in the UK have an iPod or phone that they can watch movies on? I get so *bored* exercising!) (I know you can get them in the USA)

Monday, 18 January 2010

Finally made it back to the gym. I had this crazy idea that I might try to couch to 5 km project. I really am NOT a natural exerciser and I spend most of my life in front of the laptop, or the TV.

I joined a gym in July and was fairly good at going 2 - 3 times a week, but mostly did cycling or stretching or even power walking. Running is so NOT me. Well, I tried. Today I was meant to do 90 seconds walking, followed by 60 seconds jogging, etc for 20 minutes.

I lasted for ten minutes, by which time my bust had bounced up and hit me in the face so often I probably have two black eyes (seriously, I need a serious sports' bra); my face was purple, my heart rate was over 170 and I started to get pains in my chest. I don't think it was heart pain :-) but maybe my band was hurting?

So I stopped. I only did half of the first day of C25K - oh well, looks like it is going to take me longer than nine weeks. . . but my buzz word for this year is "COMMITTMENT" so I am going to try again either tomorrow or Weds.

Then I did some rather tame cycling and walking on a machine that has each leg going uphill at separate times; before collapsing into the hot tub and steam room; and wound up with two sunbed sessions.

And came home exhausted!

I also - not sure where I picked up the idea - decided that once week on a Monday, wearing a towel and with wet hair, I will weigh myself on the gym scales that give me printout of my weight, height and BMI. Good news is that my BMI was 22.6. Weight was higher than I'd like, but there is always next week. I'm going to keep the printouts and glue them into a scrapbook

(If you are starting out in your WLS journey, this might be a neat thing to do, wish I'd kept mine from earlier)

Have a good week, blogsters :-)

Thursday, 14 January 2010

I have decided that I am not going to weigh myself until I get weighed for my fill. I really do not have any restriction (or not much) and I am resigned to putting on a few pounds. Hopefully I'll get it off again easily once I'm filled.

I better!

I am trying to make better choices with food, but two things are hampering me (notice how good I am at excuses :-)) (1) I am really hungry. Like stomach-growling hunger. That didn't used to happen to me at all, pre band I never waited that long to eat (grin) and post band I didn't get like that. Not sure if it is to do with so little restriction, but my stomach gurgles and groans and rumbles a lot now.

(2) I'm on some unrelated medication which threatens that some might gain weight as a side effect. Sigh, I think I am one of them.

But I'm staying positive, and hopefully will get back to the gym *soon* now that the snow has cleared up.
Enjoying reading everyone's blogs - Dinnerland glad you are back open for business; Bunny, you've been away for a week, hope you are ok.

Wednesday, 13 January 2010


Hi, not sure why your blog has gone private, hope you are ok, and if you would be happy for me to read, you can invite me via

I'm still struggling a bit with too many carbs and not enough restriction - and not enough exercise. *Bad* combination. But not long till Jan 23rd and my fill.

Saturday, 9 January 2010

Snowed in

Due to the snow in London, I wasn't able to get to my fill appointment today; so will have to wait another two weeks. Not too disappointed, I really didn't want to go out in this weather. It's been quite rough (for England: I know it is quite mild compared to North America)

I hope I don't gain too much weight while waiting.

Monday, 4 January 2010

Compulsive eating

Not sure what is wrong with me (though I know my band is too loose and I'm getting a fill soon) but apart from that - I seem to be going crazy. I just want to eat and eat and eat. Not just food, but chocolate, junk, slider foods (chips, cheese and chocolate being my favourites)

I am trying, I really am, I start the day sensibly, I drink lots of water, I do ok till about 3pm, then I start to eat; and I eat for England. I don't pb (unless I eat sthg stupid too fast), but I eat and eat and eat and eat. . .

And I'm frankly terrified.

I dunno if it is a hormonal thing . . .or am I stressed? Or is it winter? Or depression?

Help!!! I've not eaten like this for a long time (like when I used to be obese)

I am trying all the standard things like keeping my hands busy, distracting myself, going for walks, baths, reading books, cheering myself up with other things, but heck, I dunno what is going on, I am eating everything in sight.

There has to be a reason; and I am going to find it, and whack it over the head. The weird thing is that my stomach often rumbles with hunger, so it's not like my stomach is full - it's sometimes empty (and a rumbly - tummy is not something that I have normallly experienced - yet the last ten days or so I feel it several times a day). Yet there is no way I need the food I'm grabbing. I would be embarassed to say what I've eaten today, so I won't.

But I'm going to sort this. Reductil (Meridia) here I come (if necessary, I'll try *anything* legal to keep my weight normal)

(No flames please!)

Sunday, 3 January 2010

Question of the week

Do you think our bodies are programmed to put on fat over the winter? (From the days when food was scare and the world was cold and there was no central heating or grocery stores?)

Would be interested in any thoughts on that.

Happy New Year

Happy New Year to everyone in Bandster-BlogLand. I am still battling with little to no restriction, and the huge amount of snackable slider foods around the house, so am not doing too well weight wise. Haven't gotten on the scales this week, but will soon (honest!)

People on various blogs are talking about having "one word" to sum up their approach to 2010. For some it is adventure; others ( focus. I think my word for 2010 had to be "committment". Starting what I finish. Making more effort to be consistent. Committing to the bandster way of life for good, not just for a while.

I think I must have the world's worst will power. I have so many good intentions about healthy eating or exercise, but none of them seem to come to much. Bunny over at has been giving up on additives esp MSG and that is making a huge difference to how she feels as well as her weight. While it seems like a great idea in theory, I find the thought of doing all that home cooking exhausting.

Maybe I have chronic fatigue or something. More like chronic laziness :-/

My thyroid continues to be unstable and I'm due for more blood tests this month. And my HRT which I'd been stable on for years has been stopped. Not by my GP, but the manufacturers no longer make it, and the substitute I've been given is rubbish. So need to go back and discuss with my doctor.

Have a fill coming up in the next week (hoooooooray) and look forward to getting back on track. Even if it means sipping hot water thru a straw for a few days (as I've had to do in the past)

I did manage a couple of sessions at the gym, (go me!) and hope to go again soon. Will post my weight once I've dared to get on to the scales.