Monday, 28 July 2008

not sure

Not sure what is going on. Slept all day yesterday and this morning was 12-1.8; but is that simply because I am dehydrated from not eating or drinking all day

Saturday I ate quite a bit and was sick masses. So I probably am dehydrated. But 12. 2 is better than 12.6 or whatever I was the other day. Hmmm. Should start takin reductil/xencial again maybe.

Or get my jaw wired or stomach removed all together or sent to a third world prison. But even then I'd probably stay fat

Wednesday, 23 July 2008

Why it isn't working

I can eat very little solid food. But I can drink soup and I do; and altho I hated it previously, I've started drinking banana flavoured milk. Both of which can be full of calories. I am not active, so I think in order to maintain weight I can eat max 800 cals a day. To lose weight I need a very low calorie diet. Or I could do more exercise, but I am permanently exhausted and depressed feeling, and just can't make the effort.

I knw 12.5 stone isn't the end of the world, but for me it feels disgusting.

Monday, 21 July 2008

Going backwards now

I have put on weight since my last fill - only 3 or 4 lbs but that is enough to totally depress me. I am not eating a lot of solid food, but the easy to swallow calories are getting to me. And I am not active enough either but I am tired and fat and depressed.

I've arranged a fill for next month, but I guess I can cancel it at the last minute. It doesn't seem the right thing to do, since I can basically not eat any real food, or anything that isn't liquid. So tightening my band is only going to stop more liquids going down, not food.

But maybe that is what I need.

And - nightmares - I have been persuaded against my will (long story) to go to the USA on holiday in the autumn, and I so do not want to be fat and ugly when I go. But the tickets are booked and the time is ticking away.

Where has my motivation gone?

There is a depresssing thread on the WLSInfo forum about how much weight people have lost with band, and I reckon I come bottom of the losers. That is, I have lost less weight than anyone has with a comparable time since their operation.

It didn't work. I know that part of the problem is that I am at home all day and can eat all day. If I was stuck with 3 meals a day I'd be great, but since I can eat a little constantly, I do, and am not going to get below 12.5.

I don't suppose they do jaw wiring any more. . and even if they did it wouldn't work for me.

Saturday, 5 July 2008

Dead slow stop

Getting nowhere. It is the summer now; the summer that last December when I had my op I thought I'd be into a size 14 and happy and healthy and coping and not sweating my life out when I moved.

Instead I am still fat.

6 + months after my banding, I am not losing much weight. I'm pretty much stalled between 12 and 12 and a half stone.

It's better than I was, but I've not reallly lost any weight since last fill. I don't have any real restriction, unless I gobble food down too fast, or forget to chew; I can eat most things.

Sometimes some of it comes back up, but mostly not. Mostly it just keeps going down. Some days I'm up a pound or two or others down a pound or two. But I ain't losing.

It's really affected my self esteem badly; since I have gained 8lbs from my lowest post op weight.

Just had my wedding anniversary and I'm massively horribley fatter than I was then. I can see dh wondering if it was worth the money.

For today, my band is useless. It stops me eating like a normal person, but still I manage to get enough calories down not to lose any weight. I know it is my own fault, like not being able to stick to a diet is my own fault too.

Was it worth it? I dunno. Not convinced. I still look and feel really fat and uncomfortable. I still don't remotely have normal eating habits.