Well, not doing very well at all. Any added restriction has disappeared, and I'm stuck at 10 - 8.  I gained a little last week, and today am back to where I was two weeks ago.  I have booked another fill, to see if a tiny tweak will help.

It is cold here, I feel like sitting in front of the TV huddled in blankets with some great comfort food; no wonder I'm not losing weight!

I should be more active. But so far, I'm not :-)

Well, maybe the fill has helped more than I thought, I am down to 10 stone 8 (148 pounds) this morning, which is good news.

I just need to keep it up, and keep losing a little each week.

Keitha, if you have had three fills and feel "nothing" in the way of restriction, I'd ask your surgeon about it. Unless they were very tiny fills (which some doctors like to do). After my first couple of fills I had good restriction for quite a few months.  But they were biggish fills, done at a month post op. (I think I had three mils on Friday and another one mil on Saturday)

I am just so hopeless with willpower - which why I need my band.

Not a happy bunny.  The fill has not given me the restriction I wanted.

I need more restriction, or more will power.  Lol, I know which is easier to get . . .

I can not maintain weight loss without restriction.  Maybe I should just get a stomach-ectomy and live on protein drinks for the rest of my life.

Sigh sigh sigh sigh sigh.

What next?

Another fill. But where and when and how (and what with??? these fills don't come cheap!)

Had my fill today, 0.75mil, I wanted one mil, but we compromised.  I am scared it's not enough, since I could drink the whole plastic cup full of water without pausing. I wonder if I should have asked for me. It didn't help that the lady who'd gone in to see Dr Marc before me was gagging and felt overfilled and he was worried about her. Maybe that made him nervous.

I had a large coffee on the train ride home, and a cup of soup (instant, not home made) when I got back.  I'm hungry.  I hope this fill is going to work. Sigh, I realise I shall have to work with it.

I was 154 pounds this morning on Dr M's scales.

Time to update

Time to update - I am waiting (a bit desperately) for my fill this weekend. I have put on more weight than I'd like to admit since my last unfill.

It was/ is my own  fault, it is NOT the fault of the band.  I've had a good four years of lsoing weight/ maintained weight loss, but since I had the unfill, I have been gaining. Not a huge amount, but a little here and a little there can become an extra 20 pounds toooo fast.

I am not a bandster who can say that the op changed them, their eating habits or their obesity tendency.  I need my band; I need my restriction.  I am so glad I can have a fill - if I'd had a bypass (RNY etc) I'd be stuck, but I *can* get back on track  - not via my "will power" but because of my band.

Bring on the fill!

Back in Blogland

I've been less busy with work the last few days and spent ages reading blogs. I don't have a list down the side-bar of my blog, but thanks to Roo at http://abrandnewroo.blogspot.com/ I managed to read through most of my old favourites, and some new favourites too.

I have so much to be thankful for, bandwise. No major complications, good weight loss and reasonable restriction.

Yes I whine and complain a bit, and yes I could make better choices and lose another 15 pounds. But on the whole life is good and I'm thankful for my band.

I really feel for people who've had to lose their bands - Jen and Sally - and it makes me grateful that I've not had these horrible complications.

I've been banded for four years. Another year, and I will become a statistical anomaly- someone who lost significant amounts of weight and kept it off for five years.

Reading all these other blogs, I realise this is probably the most boring (esp visually) blog in the blogsphere. But I haven't a clue how to jazz up my layout.

I need more restriction

Since my last fill I've not gained any weight, but I have only lost 3 or 4 pounds. I don't really have enough restriction, and I am as hungry as ever.

Not particularly happy coming up to the holidays worrying about my weight and needing a fill. I'll prob wait till the New Year, but I do need to lose weight.

I don't like carrying around an extra 15 pounds. I know that on BMI charts I am ok, my BMI is 23, I am not technically overweight. But I don't have much or any muscle, so that weight is all fat. (Well, apart from the bones etc :-)

I don't seem to eat a huge amount (fill-wise, I can't), but I do eat too often and the wrong things and I don't exercise. Sigh. Need to get things sorted.

On the brighter side of things, it is 4 yrs since my op, and I am sooo glad I had it. I don't really mind that I'd like to lose a few pounds. I am not massively overweight. I look reasonable in my clothes, I can move around comfortably and no longer feel "un-abled" by my size/weight.

I am so glad that I had surgery. My life hasn't had the same dramatic changes as some other bandsters, but losing ten points off my BMI is great. And I never ever want to get to that point again. I need to get another small fill, and work with my band.

And if I don't post again, happy holidays to everyone.

October Update

It was great having only 5 mils in my band. I hardly knew it was there. In fact it felt like it wasn't. And in seven weeks I gained 13 pounds. So off I went for a fill. This time, he put 1 mil back in. I wasn't sure if that was too much; I was going to ask for 0.25 but he suggested a whole 1 mil.

I'm still on fluids, but can tell that my restriction is back with a vengeance. I wonder how long it will take me to lose these 13 pounds. Longer than it took me to gain them, no doubt.

I feel like I've had a WLS holiday over the last six weeks. With no restriction and eating whatever I wanted, I stopped reading WLS blogs or the WLS forum. I need to get back on track.

September update. Weight wise I stay about 136 - 139 pounds, if I get over 139 I immediately cut back.

I am doing no exercise at all, I know, it is not good.

I don't eat a lot of real food - mostly soups and slider foods. And I've been having no-specific pain in my stomach and back. And when I do eat real food, I am often sick (pb).

So I decided that enough is enough. Went along to a fill provider (Dr Marc Focquet) (he did not do my surgery, but is in London every fortnight on a Saturday which is v convenient for me) and asked him to check exactly how much was in my band.

He said 6.5mls. I thought it was more than that (though I know sometimes some stays in the tubing etc) He then put 5mils back in, so I have had a 1.5 ml defill.

That's a lot. It felt/feels really weird (my stomach I mean) (and even my back feels weird) and if I breath in too hard I get a stabbing sort of feeling in that area (stomach not port)

I bet I put on a ton of weight in no time :-) and go rushing back for a refill. But for now, I need to eat solid food, slowly and stop when I am full. And stop pb'ng full stop. (Stick to the basic bandster rules I mean)

I have a horrible feeling I probably wrote this same post a yr ago :-) I'm going round in circles a bit with my band. But at least I'm in skinnier circles than I used to be!

July

It is a while since I updated. Nothing much has changed. I've lost a few pounds which is good (well, three, which is hardly much to write home about) but to be fair I really have not been trying very hard (at all)

My band is tight, I can only drink hot fluids in the morning (coffee good - water bad); but as the day goes on it gets easier

I don't eat a lot of real food, mostly soft foods and soups/protein drinks. That is partly my own fault, I could eat more real food if I could slow down and take the time to chew properly and concentrate - *and* stop before I am full.

But life is busy and I generally don't which means I am sick, which means I go back to fluids or soft foods. I can eat out with friends who don't know about the band if I am mega careful, so that is good.

I have had a few days recently where my stomach has been really sore - not gastric acid sore, but painful - very. Pre op I had a hiatus hernia, which was repaired during my banding op. I wonder if part of the repair has come undone. It is that sort of pain, along with difficulty swallowing - which is not the same as the difficulty swallowing with a tight band (I had difficulties swallowing for yrs due to the hernia)

If it continues I'll maybe get an endoscopy to see what is happening. But hiatus hernia repairs do tend to go wrong (in fact the NHS here would not repair it for me) (it is a complex procedure and many UK surgeons would rather manage the symptoms than go for surgery) so I'm not sure if I'd want more surgery.

Assuming, of course, that that is what the problem is. I've had my band for 3.5 yrs and this is a new pain - well, it's the old pain back again. It's not unbearable, but annoying. And I have to be careful with posture, how I sit, esp leaning forward, since sometimes part of the stomach gets caught under the diaphram (first time that happened I thought I was having a heart attack, seriously!)

I've not been reading blogs for ages, new computer and lost my old links, but will try to get back into it

Till then, love to all bandsters!

Just to update to keep an accurate record of my fills/unfills - because I've used two diff providers neither of them has a clue what is in my band - nor do I, tbh, but I could work it out via this blog

I felt my restriction was getting to be less and less and was beginning to worry whether I had erosion of my band. It's not common, but it is not *that* uncommon either

I had an x ray done, privately, it cost £95 and I just had to walk in off the street and was out inten mins. I got a copy of the xray plus a disc with it on - great service, Harley Street Xray Express is highly recommended.

I had to wait a month to see Dr C again, and during that time I worried myself sick that the xray didn't look good and showed erosion/migration of the band.

When I finally saw Dr C, he thought the xray looked great, but warned me that erosion can't be diagnosed by xray necessarily; and added that in the 8000 Heliogast bands he'd fitted, there had never been one case of erosion.

And he gave me a 0.5 mil fill.

And today I am down to 142, losing weight ever so slowly,but I hope I am getting back towards my goal

Dr C always tells me I've lost enough weight while I think I could do with losing another 20 pounds!

Till next time. .

Updating

I had 0.5mils replaced in my band on May 5th.

My weight is up by quite a bit, to 150 lbs, from a low of 124 lbs. Not happy. Got to make better food choices, don't feel any difference in restriction, tbh, but time will tell.

I also had an xray done, but won't have it looked at by a doctor till next month

Another un-fill

I feel like the last one mil in my band has cost me at least as much as the operation itself!

Since a recent vomitting bug, the only serious vomitting virus I have had since being banded three plus yrs ago - not good - I felt I was being sick (pbing) too much and went to see Dr Marc about getting my band defilled by 0.25ml.

I only wanted a tiny tweak, since the band is working for/with me mostly right now and I am down to 133 pounds (9 stone 7).

He had different ideas, and when he stabbed my port with the needle, he said (and I could see) that fluid was pouring into the syringe, without him having to do any pulling. He said that that showed my band was under pressure. He let it continue until it stopped, by which time 0.8 (nearly a whole mil) had come out.

He insisted I have that removed, so I have.

Wonder how it will affect my eating patterns/weight loss

Happy New Year

In the interests of honesty and fairness, I need to say that I feel better now. I somehow managed to pick myself up a bit since my last post, and got down from 10 stone 4 (or 10 stone 8 on a bad day) to 9 stone 12 (or 9 stone 9 on a good day). I realise that that is only ten pounds or so of difference, but it makes a huge difference to how I feel.

What happened to make that work? Well, I am no longer going to the gym, and I'm doing less exercise than ever since before this journey started, pretty much. But, on the other hand, I am probably less hungry - exercise always made me starving.

I took appetite suppressants off and on for a month (I never take them daily, just now and again, maybe 10 - 12 days a month) and that seemed to kick start the weight loss.

I'm now maintaining at around 9 stone 10. I'd love to be ten pounds lighter, but I can live with this.

I'm sorry I've been MIA for so long, I love the bandster community, and I read regularly, even if I don't comment

Happy 2011 everyone

A year ago

Just looked back; a year ago I was 10 - 14 pounds lighter

I have gone back to the old pre banding regime of gaining about a pound a month, a stone a yr, and am working my way back to morbid obesity. . . .

Why? How?

No easy answers. I hate myself.

And it is not going well nor easy. I seem to have a choice - total restriction/fluids only/occasional sloppies/no real food/lots of high cal garbage

OR

eat everything in sight

Either way, I'm gaining weight. Horribly. Terrifiyingly.

I am finding the regain/failure journey very hard. I look terrible in pictures; my clothes don't fit/are bursting/can't be tied

I'm getting fat. Again. For the thousandth time in my life, a weight loss method has failed me

I can't get the "sweet spot" where you can eat a little of most things, are never hungry and lose weight.

I can eat either nothing or everything and yes, I am having 0.25 mil adjustments.

Fills and unfills

I wasn't going to update this, but in order to keep a record of my band life, I wanted to say that I had one mil taken out on Sept 17, weighing 10 stone 4; I felt that I was eating junk cos I couldn't eat food, and gaining weight like mad.

And I had 1.25 put back in today, 4 wks later, weighing 10 stone 8.

I am glad to have the restriction back. I've not been pbing so much the last month, just eating and keeping it down and gaining weight.

Not sure my band is tight enough. I drank the cup of water without and problems. I think I prob have dilation, but Dr M said no, he didn't think so. He was vague about the symptoms, he doesn't listen v much. Or maybe I don't talk much, maybe I should have talked more about what is happening, how I feel, etc, instead of walking in with my mind already made about what I want.

Band is ok; but not great. And if I keep re gaining, I'll soon be back where I started.

I used to panic if I got over nine stone. Then I was happy so long as I stayed under 9 - 7; then being in the nines with single figures was ok; then being nine something was ok. . .

Today, and for the last few weeks, I've been dreading hitting 11:00. I can cope (huh!) with being 10-09; 10-12 even.

But I really want to get rid of the extra 28 pounds. All the extra weight is around my tummy area, I look like I'm 5 months pg :-(

I tried getting a defill to see if I'd eat better and be healthier; instead I just got fatter.

So now, I've had a fill, to see if I'd eat less. I have no delusions about eating better or healthier, except maybe I'll start using the Cambridge Diet type drinks instead of real food. But my band is not tight enough for that. Hmmm, should I call the doc and ask to see him tomorrow? Ask for another 0.25ml?

I'm tempted. But I guess I won't. Not this month.

Update

I'm not going to update this any more; but an online banding friend suggested that I leave it open, since it tells the whole of my story (well, the whole so far :-)) and might be helpful for newbies to read.

I will continue to read blogs, but for now, I'm not a blogster any more (grin, blogging-bandster).

Wishing everyone love and luck and happiness in their journeys, and look forward to checking in maybe in six months time

H x x

Monday

Not sure if this is showing up or not - Google has been messing about a bit.

Bikini!

No, not me, Catherine over at http://chroniclesfrombandland.blogspot.com/. Wow, you look great. I don't have bikini pics of me (not now, not ever) but pre op I took some pics in my undies.

They are not on here, but if anyone wants to see pics, email me (bandster@ntlworld.com) and I'll send you the link if I know who you are. (I'm paranoid, and not keen for some peeps in real life to find this blog - or ever see me in my underwear!)

Catherine looks amazing. I still wouldn't (BMI 21.5) wear a bikini. In fact I've never shopped for one. I wore one once in my life, I borrowed a friend's. Can't imagine that I ever will wear one, at the ripe old age of 39 again (lol)

Update

It's funny, when I check my favourite blogs (and there are dozens :-) I feel kind of cheated when they go too long without updating, but I'm worse, I've not updated this in ages.

I didn't get the sickness that was going round the family (thankfully!), I felt a bit queasy, but wasn't actually sick. (I love hyacyinths and spring, and today I potted some geraniums). They will probably die cos I am not very great at looking after flowers, but hey, they are fun while they last)

I decided against having my band defilled a tiny bit the other weekend, I had planned it, but I knew it was just stress making me tight, and in the end I reckoned if I sat it out it would sort out. And so it sort of has. I'm still a bit on the tight side, but not losing weight.

(That doesn't surprise me since I have completely given up exercise until I get more medical tests done - physiology tests due this week, and more pelvic floor tests in May I hope) Till then I have to avoid lifting, running or anything that could put pressure on my pelvic floor.

So I am happy to be maintaining at 9 stone 10. Ideally I'd like to lose another half stone, but we'll see how my tests go.

I've started walking again, about half an hour a day, but can't do more cos I get quite a bit of pain if I'm on my feet too long.

I need to buy some spring/summer clothes; but have been putting that off. I'm not confident shopping and tend to stick to the same few clothes I really like (and have had for ages :-)

Hoping to get back to exercise sooner rather than later, but it is going to depend if I need pelvic floor/bladder surgery. On the plastics front, I am not having my facelift. The doctor never responded to my last email (when I pointed out that he *had* confirmed my booking, and was leaving me out of pocket by cancelling it). I did ask him when he would be happy to see me, but he's not got back to me.

I feel if I'm not personally comfortable with a surgeon, not matter how skilled he is, I don't want to have a face lift with him. There are other surgeons. . . and maybe I should start with a tummy tuck. I've been in touch with a different Belgian doctor re a TT consultation.

Though right now, moving between London and basically anywhere else is impossible, since Heathrow has been shut for several days. The ferries/trains to the Europe are running, but are fully booked and chaotic. So no immediate rush for my TT consultation.

I'm so happy it is spring. I love sunshine!

Happy Easter

Everyone in this house apart from me has a sickness/vomitting virus. Nightmares. With a band, it is something I really don't want to get. I'm taking every preventative measure possible, and praying like mad.

It's been a hectic/miserable/sickey weekend. Ah well, these things happen, and we didn't have big plans.

Now off to read on the blogsphere - I caught a glimpse of a goal being smashed on Catherine's blog (http://chroniclesfrombandland.blogspot.com/) Yeay!

Lots on this week, more stress, learning to have a new member in our family (she's in a care home really near us, and is a dear old lady, and we will all be involved in visiting her, caring, etc) and on Saturday I am meant to see a fill provider about getting a slight unfill, since with the stress I've been mega tight.

In other news - the doctor I was supposed to be having my face lift with is messing me about. I confirmed a date with him later on this month, then I asked him a few questions (about his failure rates, law suits against him, etc - fairly standard questions I'd ask anyone if I was going to have surgery with them) and he became very defensive, and said he would not reply to my email, but I could phone him if I wished, but I had to understand that discretion is vital in this industry.

Then I get an email saying that I failed to confirm the date and can't have surgery after all.

I keep all my emails, so I emailed back showing the confirmation of my surgery and asked him if he would be happy to treat me at any other date? (Obviously, I am beginning to wonder, should I get a different surgeon? Is this fate and I should cancel it for a bit? Waaaaaaaaaaah. I'm such a chicken.)

Layout

Sorry bout the layout in the last post, havent' really got the hang of gettting pictures and text to line up. Will do better next time, but too tired to fix this tonight.

Have a great weekend, bandsters - and step away from the chocolate :-)

Easter weekend

A Happy Easter to all my fellow bandsters!

Hope you all got up to something interesting.

Here, it's a lot of work, caring for family who are moving to a nursing home. So the stress continues, and my band is still too tight. I am getting fluids down ok, but I try (I know, I shouldn't) to eat some real food as well, and that doesn't work very well.

I can manage crackers and cheese, crips (chips) and biscuits (though I try not to eat them) in the afternoon/evenings; but day time I am definitely only able to have fluids.

In fact when I wake up - before 6am - I can't have anything at all for a couple of hours, and even then I have to be realllly careful, coffee won't go down (prob cos I have milk in it), only water will. Hmmm, maybe I should try my coffee black for a bit (I used to love black coffee, but gave it up cos it isn't meant to be good for your stomach to have too much raw caffeine, and I've always had stomach issues)

. . .

but black coffee would prob do a lot more for me in the mornings than plain water and might stop me trying to "binge" on cup a soup by lunch time. Lol, this is not normal for a band, in case anyone new is worrying about having to live like this. My band is normally a lot more co operative, but this stress (which is manageable, I hope I can live with/thru it, without too much more hassle) has affected me.

I guess if the stress wasn't affecting my band, it would be giving me headaches or eczema or affecting me some other way. . . .

Off to de-stress and watch some TV (with a glass of white wine, though last glass I had would not go down at all - a band too tight for wine?? not good!)

Stress and bands

Stress tightens my band - and life is stressed right now. Not in a too-bad-too-personal way (no death or divorce, grin) but I am caring for elderly relatives one of whom is moving to a care home, the other hospitalised, and I seem to spend 2 hrs a day on the telephone checking up and chasing up doctors etc.



And it is stressful - to the extent, lol that I spent all of last night dreaming about hospitals and care homes! And with that stress my band likes to tighten itself a few notches. So I'm basically on fluids only - well, I've managed a little chicken earlier on today and I'm eating a packet of crisps as I type, but I've pb'd a little bit of the crisps and it's taking me half an hour to eat a packet (in the bad old pre-band days I could eat a multipack in half an hour)

Didn't finish this post the other day - things are still busy and my band is still tight. Have an appt next week to see if I need a tiny bit out if things haven't settled.

I feel like it's not very fair to my band to keep fiddling with it, since the stress is not my band's fault, but on the other hand, living on soup, soft cheese and hot chocolate is getting a bit tiring.

I'm loath to get a defill since I realise that this isn't the fault of my band, but more of my life!

Mondays

The best thing (maybe the only good thing, lol) about Mondays is that most of the bandster blogs I follow get updated over the weekend. I'm not online on Sundays, so by the time it gets to Monday in the UK I have lots of blogs to catch up on. Not, of course, that I don't have lots of other things to do to, it being Monday and all that, but today, these things can wait till I've had a long read of what all my favorite bandsters are up to.

Today is ds3's birthday, and in keeping with a family tradition, we all get the day off (except dh and ds1 who have to go to work). Now all I have to do is try not to eat too much birthday cake!

Weigh in this morning was miserable - 9 stone 12.4. How can anyone have 2 days' starvation, a colonoscopy and still gain 2.4 pounds?? I guess it is possible. Maybe I should buy new scales, grin.

Done and dusted plus NSV

Colonoscopy over and all clear, thankfully. I had a general anaesthetic - I hate them, but I also could not bear the thought of a colonscopy under "sedation" - given that the last time I was not remotely sedated, and felt every ugly part of the procedure.

I am glad to be home, and surprisingly, not that hungry. I had a few cups of coffee and some soup when I got back to my room, but couldn't face the sandwiches (I never can eat bread) and only ate one of the biscuits.


Since getting home I've had the run of the fridge, but honestly don't feel hungry - great side effect off a GA, I guess. (I realise it is probably because of the great big tube that was stuck down my throat - she offered to show me it while she was prepping me for surgery, and I said yes, I'd like to see it - then promptly wished I hadn't - it looked far worse than it looks on medical dramas on TV! It is still quite sore to swallow, so I'll stick to fluids while I can.)

Despite yesterday's starvation and all the "preparation" I had to drink, when I weighed myself this morning I had put on a pound!!!! Talk about adding insult to injury . . . however, I am putting it down to water weight (I must have had four or five litres to drink yesterday) and hoping that when I do my weekly weigh in next week I'll be rewarded with a least a small loss.

At this stage (BMI normal) it is so much harder to lose weight (esp since I've been off exercise for the last few weeks, pending medical investigations), so that even 0.5 of a pound loss is good news.

Oh before I forget, I had a lovely NSV today. . . .

There I was all gowned up (you know how attractive - not - hospital gowns are), lying on a trolley (gurney) waiting to be put to sleep, and the anaesthetist started looking for a vein in the back of my hand. I have non-compliant veins so it took her a little while, and she remarked, "oh, another one - all my ladies this morning have been so petite" - Petite??? No one has ever ever called me that before, lol, not even as a new born baby. I was so thrilled I might have hugged her if I hadn't been lying down half dressed and attached to various monitors.

I do have quite slim hands I guess, but yeay, I like being "petite" (even though at nearly 5 ft 7 it is never going to be the truth, it made me feel good)

Hungry

(This is how I feel)

It's been an odd day, drinking coffee, squash and laxative preparations. Thankfully I have not had to do anything at all, other than watch TV and surf the internet. I'm grateful to my dear daughter (dd) for cooking the family's meals today - not sure than I could have coped in the kitchen without eating something.



I feel really weak right now, but otherwise relatively ok. It's a long time since I spent a day without any form of food whatsoever (even post fill when I am on fluids only I have things like soup, which today I can't have)



Am going to have a bath and an early night. And will no doubt dream of food!

Time out

(These are not pics of me - but of the results I'd like to get - the before pic is the second one, I couldn't get blogger to oblige me by switiching them round. This pics are taken from my surgeons' website)

I'm having a day off today, since I'm on starvation diet and will soon be rushing to and fro the bathroom. Nice to have a day off - not so nice to have it for this reason. However, it means I get a chance to do lots of blog reading and to catch up with editing photos and writing emails. I don't intend to do anything at all physical - couch potato to the core :-) I might stretch to doing some online shopping, but nothing more strenuous!

Another week

Another week since I posted. I was down to 9 stone 10 last time I weighed, though I have high hopes of being less next week - not least because tomorrow I am not allowed to eat any food at all (only clear fluids) pre colonscopy; then on Friday I won't be allowed to eat until after the procedure.

And today I'm on a restricted diet of (band friendly) slider foods - biscuits, butter, cream, soft chicken, mashed potatoes. No fibre.

So I am hoping the enforced starvation will help the scales (trying to put a positive spin on it, there really isn't anything positive at all about enforced starvation!)

I am already feeling very sorry for myself. I get to drink lots of laxative laden fluid tomorrow, and am warned to "stay near a bathroom". Hmmmm, like anyone wouldn't?

In other news, I have decided to (as in finally booked) have a face lift. No one but me thinks it is at all necessary, but it's my face and my life, and why not? So I'll be heading off to Belgium at the end of April. I will take plenty of photos - not sure I'll have the courage to post them here.

Hope everyone is well in BandsterLand - Catherine, you've been MIA for a bit - busy with work? Bunny, you've disappeared again too . . ?

Doing ok

Thought I was having a bad week, and to be honest, have had a few too many slider foods. . . but when I got on the scales this evening, fully clothed, they were kind - so I'm hoping that tomorrow morning (I am always lighter in the morning) they will be extra kind.

I don't normally weigh myself at night, nor dressed, but I was tidying up in the lounge and found that one of my teenage daughters (I have two) had moved the scales in there, so I took a deep breath and jumped on, "just to check".

Yeay for a better result than I expected (I didn't expect much: getting rid of the last ten pounds is so so so hard, believe me. But heck, I'd rather be battling the last ten pounds, than battling the other 80 odd pounds I've lost)

And Happy St Patrick's Day to all the Irish out there (I have a great-great-grandmother who was Irish - and two parents who are Celtic Scottish), hope you had a great day, and enjoyed the green beer.

Cheers everyone!

Cousin Bioring

I checked on the WLS Info Forum; and Jacqui who was banded five yrs ago by my doctor, said, " . that the band type (the Cousin Bioring) due to it's high placement and the fact that it is considered a "soft" band has had no reported erosions and no reported slippages since he started placing them 6 years ago. "

That is good news, however, I don't want to be the first :-)

Brand New Roo

Just some hugs to Roo (www.abrandnewroo.blogspot.com) living in the Middle East, who was banded in August and when she went for another fill, found out that her port has flipped - and it's going to cost $1200 to fix, and she can't have a fill before then.

Ouch. Sorry for you hun. Hope you get this fixed soon and get back on the losing track. (She has an amazing photo of her port movement and the attempts to do her last fill)

Ouch

Having a stressful time - not band related. Dh's parents are unwell, and we live a long way away and it has meant a lot of work, phone calls and worry. Might not sound much, but for us, it has been a really tough time . . .And along with stress comes band tightening and this week I've not had the *sense* to go back to fluids for a couple of days, and I've been pbing too much

Right now my stomach just *aches* from a few pbs this evening. I am hungry but can't seem to find any food that stays down. And not much fluid either.

The pb cycle is bad. I eat too much or too fast; then I pb; stomach gets swollen; less food can go down; I'm stressed;I'm hungry - feels like I am starving; I eat too much or too fast; so I pb . . . and so it goes on.

Going to stick to fluids tomorrow, I promise. . .

I read on the Weight Loss Forum that in the six yrs since my surgeon has been fitting my type of band, there have been NO reported case (anywhere in the world) of that type of band slipping or eroding. That makes me feel a bit better right now, cos otherwise I think I'd be sure my band was about to explode :-(

Off to sleep now, and tomorrow is another day. I need to de-stress and give my poor stomach a rest.

Good luck to everyone - and I wouldn't like to worry any new or prospective bandsters, this isn't usual. I'm unusually stressed, and my eating right now is unusually bad.

In the pre band days I'd have eaten non stop, and then some more. That isn't possible any more, thankfully.

LOL

Lol.

Today I had to see a colorectal surgeon - long story, bad family history, the odd symptom, but no, I don't think I have any major issues. Despite all that, I do have to have a battery of tests and will no doubt whine loudly about them as they come along.

(And in case anyone wants to offer me some sympathy, I have to have a colonoscopy, an endoanal ultrasound, pelvic floor physiology as well as a proctogram. That is probably TMI. . .)

The doctor I saw today was very nice and sounded quite reasonable about my band (they always ask what previous surgery I've had, I have to tell them all about childhood illnesses, etc - and then I have to tell them bout my band). He asked how much weight I'd lost and said very genuinely "well done, good for you" - rather than the rolling of eyes and "OMG *why*???" that I sometimes get from medical professionals.

And he nodded knowingly when I said I'd gone to Belgium for surgery, which is again and improvement on how a lot of doctors in the UK react (they usually do the shock horror, you went abroad? thing)

Anyway, he had me lie down so he could feel my tummy, checking for any abnormal swellings, etc. All was fine till he came to my port - which is very close to the surface and very obvious. He felt it, scowled, tried again, squinted, pressed it again, peered very closely and looked quite perplexed.

"That's my port" I pointed out.

Relief flooded his face. . ."oooohhhhhh" he said, somewhat embarassedly. . .

"I thought . . ." [he was wondering how I could have a tumour in that position, that felt so well defined, etc]

"Well . . . I wondered if I needed a crash course in basic physiology" :-)

He'd never met a bandster (though had obviously read about banding) - and had no idea that we have ports.

But he was good; non judgemental, helpful and - I hope - will be able to deal with my forthcoming nightmarish tests in a kind and non embarassing manner.

I realise this is a bit off topic . . but it was amusing. Not quite an NSV - more of an acceptance of my band, treating it as no big deal (NBD) - which doesn't often happen.

It's good when people (medical or otherwise) can just nod and say "yeah, ok, no big deal" when I mention my band.

What a difference 0.25 ml makes

I am amazed at the difference having 0.25mils out makes. My band feels 100 times more comfortable and PBing is down to a minimum. And best of all, I really do feel full after eating even though I am not eating much.

While my band was too tight I was always hungry, struggling to keep food down, and PBing more than is safe.

So here's hoping that the scales are kind to me this week!

Award

Bunny at http://www.weight-loss-expedition.blogspot.com/ sent me this award. Yay, I've never had a blog award before, and I know I don't have a big readership compared to most people in bandster blog-land. According to the rules I have to:

• Thank the person who nominated you for this award (thank you!)
• Copy the award and post it in your blog (done)
• Link to the blog of the person who nominated you (done)
• Tell seven interesting things about yourself
• Nominate seven bloggers
• Post links to the blogs of your nominees

Seven things about me. . . that could be difficult - will have to wait till another post.

Seven bloggers? Most of the banding blogs I read have already got this award, but I'll nominate

one, a new blogger, Julie, in Northern Ireland, http://julie-and-sammy.blogspot.com/ Julie is just back from Belgium with Sammy her band.

And although it is not a blog, I will also nominate WLS Info Forums (http://www.wlsinfo.org.uk/) as a wonderful place in Bandland for support and information, 24/7 (I guess it is similar to the US based Lapband Talk forum (though it covers all types of WLS)

Small defill

I swore after my last fill that I wasn't going to mess with my restriction again for at least six weeks . . .but I did.

I was too tight - and although I like my band on the tight side, it is not going to work to have it where all I can do is drink coffee and eat chocolate! I've been waiting for it to loosen up, but when it didn't I was getting desperate.

And, interesting, you do not lose weight when your band is too tight. Or I don't. I just end up in starvation mode, living on coffee, chocolate and crisps, with no energy to exercise. And it doesn't take a degree in dietetics to work out that that is not a healthy nor sustainable diet.

I had an appointment on Friday to discuss plastic surgery, and en route to London stopped off for lunch with dh. I could only manage to drink half a cup of (thin) soup without pbing. Enough, I decided, is enough. I texted my fill provider since they had a clinic in London to see if they could fit me in, but they said they were full. Plan B was to turn up and plead desperation and sit there and wait (the doctor is only in London every other week, and wouldn't be there again till March 11).

Plan B worked, and I had 0.25mil out. I've never had such a small adjustment and it will be interesting to see if this solves the problem of my having 0.5mils in, then 0.5mils out; rinse and repeat several times (I hate to think what I've spent on that one half mil. . . .)

Picture

(And that's Penelope Keith's face :-)

Hi, this is prob my favourite before and after pic, though I have gained about ten pounds from since it was taken (which is ok, since I am a bit thin in it) The before shot isn't my heaviest, there are very few body shots of me at my heaviest, I simply deleted them before anyone else saw them. . .as though destroying photos changed reality!

Picutres

I've never posted personal pics here, not cos I don't want y'all to see what I look like, but cos I don't want certain people from real life reading this and giving me a load of cr*p - and sadly, yes, I do know people who would do that if they recognised me.

But, having been inspired by some amazing before and after pics from fellow bandsters, I'm going to post anonymised pics. Apologies for not showing my real self, but not everyone I know in real life is as kind, accepting or decent as the bandster community.

Stand by for pics. . .!

Breakfast

My new breakfast food. I've never been very good at having breakfast, esp when my band is tight, but have been making and effort to eat yoghurt since it is supposed to be good for my metabolism to eat in the mornings. Not sure that it will do much to my weight, which has been stubbornly plateaued at 9-11 (137 pounds) for some time.

But to be fair last week was a holiday and I didn't go to the gym at all (waiting on the all clear from my GP) and I did eat more chocolate than I should. . . so what do I expect. Note to self, must try harder.

Wrong link

Oops, the link to Bunny's blog in my penultimate post is wrong, it should be www.weightloss-expedition.blogspot.com

Tight band

Talking of capricious bands, mine has been ok since my last fill, but this morning is very tight. I woke up hungry and wanted something filling, so tried to have some home made (fairly well blended) soup. Nope. It is not going down.


To be fair, I guess, my band is always tighter in the morning and maybe that was a daft thing to try to have for breakfast (I normally only have coffee). So I have given up on the soup and am about to have coffee.

I'm not normally hungry in the mornings, I have most of my calories between 4pm and 10pm most days, so maybe my band likes to keep it that way. Do most bandsters eat breakfast?

Sometimes bands don't work

Catherine over at http://www.chroniclesfrombandland.blogspot.com/ was talking about why the statistics for bandster weight loss are so low

Q: Why do the statistics say that people lose only 50-65% of their excess weight with the band when everyone I know seems to be taking off all of it?



A: That statistic is an average, and it factors in the people who don't lose any weight because they do things like not get a fill or drink milkshakes every day. (Meanwhile, I wish that there was a statistic based on people who actually work their band -- I bet it's closer to 85-90%.)

Her gastric surgeon had some answers. But I do wonder if there are people for whom bands just don't seem to work. I have been banded 2+ yrs and have followed a few blogs where people lose 20 or 30 pounds, and then nothing. They stop blogging, and I never know what happens to them.

Bunny at http://www.weightloss-expedition.blogspot.com/ is someone who has struggled with a broken band, *14* fills or unfills, and yet, three years out is finding it hard to make much progress on her weight loss.

Beki at http://bekisgastricband.blogspot.com/ is someone I followed early on and who was influential in my decision to go to Belgium, but she hasn't moved much since her last post (she's on a forum I'm on and has had regain)

Melondrama is another bandster who seems to have stopped half way: www.melondramas.blogspot.com

And I have another blogger friend who has not lost more than 20 pounds since beeing banded in october 2007 - but her blog is private so I can't link to it.

I realise that people might stop blogging and still have sucess with their bands, but there are a scarily high number of bandsters on http://www.wlsinfo.org.uk/forums/index.php who are really struggling or going for revision to gastric bypass.

What makes the band sucessful for some people, while others struggle? I don't know the answer to that, but I realise that for everyone who does lose most of their excess weight with a band there are others who don't. Which may be why the overall statistics are as low as they are.

One problem which seems to hit the non-losing bandsters (I am trying not to use the word sucessful, since that implies some people have failed, while in reality it may be that the band has failed them, or that it simply wasn't the right thing for them in the first place, or that their "head issues" are too great for a band to work) is that they (and there are a lot of people with this problem on WLSInfo) are either so tight they can barely eat or even drink coffee some days, yet other days they can eat for England without restriction.

Other people don't tolerate restriction; in the sense that they can't accept the limitations a band places on eating.

I guess some people make bad food choices - ultimately, if you can swallow liquids, you can gain weight if you have high calories drinks (or alcohol) too often.

And some people have been plain unlucky and had band slippage, erosion or leaks.

Even with a working band, it is always going to be hard work to maintain my weight loss. I am scared that a year or two down the road I might be in the "no longer losing" category.

Would be interested in anyone's thoughts on this.. . .

Edited to add more links; and to give Catherine's surgeon his correct title.

Slow going

I am not losing weight very fast - sigh. Down to 9 stone 11 and kind of stuck there. I have been snacking on high calorie foods in the evenings, which alas, will go through my band no matter how tight it is, and have stayed stubbornly at the same weight for a week.

Need to try harder.

But I am feeling reasonably positive and hope to shift the scales this week. At least I'm not going upwards :-)

I guess I will always have to battle with my weight - if I blink I'll be back up to 15+ stone !

Sending hugs to the bandsters who are facing possible cancer diagnoses, hope your fears are blown away and that everything is benign.

Major NSV

Well, it was for me. I woke up today feeling miles better, and I wonder if I do need to go to see this surgeon at all, maybe the antibiotics did the trick. .

So I carried on with day two of week three of C25K. And I did it. I managed to run 3 minutes without stopping. I could breath!

I don't think I've done that since I was a pre-teen. Even when I've been on the thinner side of fat, I've never been great with cardio-vascular exercise. 30 yrs since I last comfortably ran like that.

Maybe there is hope for this couch potato yet.!

Official: Exercise if bad for you

Grin, well, bad for me. After the gym last night I was feeling very rough, and by this morning had to make an emergency GP appointment and I have been referred to a gynaecologist for a possible bladder prolapse. Or it could be an aggressive UTI. .

Hope that is not TMI!

The doctor did said it was probably waiting to happen and had not been exactly brought on my running. I am glad I am not obese, since being overweight is one of the things that make this worse.

And I'm glad to have an excuse not to get back to running for a while, but we will see how I get on with the consultant. I haven't seen him since. . for five years. Grin. I hope he doesn't recognise me :-)

This is not my photo :-) Made it to the gym, and struggled through day 1 of week 3 of C25k. I was not having a very good Monday and (don't ask) (I had changed before going out, then got sidetracked thinking I'd packed my bag but hadn't) got to the gym and discovered I had forgotten to pack my bra. I am too self conscious to exercise without it, (it would be dangerous) so I all but packed up and went home.

But instead I rang home and one of the children popped into the gym a few minutes later with one for me.

I was tired working out and glad to finish a fairly brief routine. I have back exercises (you do them on the floor) that I had meant to do, but I was too tired, so I'll do them before bed.

(They are from the Egoscue method, and I've found them quite effective before; when I was heavier. But I do need to do them)

(http://www.bodybalancefunction.co.uk/media/Cycling%20weekly%20September.ex.pdf)

But the cheerful news is that I was 9-13 (or 139lbs) today, so I was happy with that.

Got to keep chipping away.

In case anyone hasn't seen Catherine's blog, she is soooo near goal - I am so excited for her http://chroniclesfrombandland.blogspot.com/)

Monday

This is how I feel. Mondays are never a good day. Work work work housework, work, I'm tired and I need carbohydrates. Or coffee. Or something. Ok I'm a wuss. I have had a horrible bitty sort of day not doing anything properly, and half the time getting nothing done, while getting further behind all the time in the things I am meant to do.



Off to the gym shortly - can't believe I am on week three of the c25k program. Not sure that I'll get past it (and week four looks positively terrifiying) but I suppose I can try. . . The scales at the gym are working again so I get to weigh in tonight and print a little ticket with my weight.

Restriction

(I Googled "tight restriction" and this was my favourite image. Not sure what it is. . . )



I realise I haven't said too much yet about my actual fill. Well, that went as fills have done for me - painless, quick and expensive. This time, I was glad to notice that I didn't bleed for ages afterwards - maybe it is just pot luck if they hit a blood vessel (my knowledge of biology is scanty to say the least - maybe there are no blood vessesls there, I don't know).



I had some water immediately post fill, and bought 500mils of water in a bottle to take home with me (2 hrs on public transport) so that I could gauge how much fluid I was getting down. I knew I would only be able to have fluids for a couple of days. Er well, I knew I was only meant to have fluids, but I am no good at keeping rules.



I managed to get all 500 mls down within three hours, which is good going for me, and encouraged me that my restriction is not too tight.



But having to adjust to "bandster rules" again is not easy, and to be honest since Saturday till about Tuesday was all about "adjusting" and re-learning and I pb'd a few times quite unexpectedly, when I ate too much, too fast or while talking.



On Tuesday I think I began to get more into the swing of things, and managed to have soup while out with friends (up till then I would not eat with or in front of people), so I think I'm getting there.



It did take a few days for my "head hunger" to catch up and I'd find myself reaching for foods (pasta - steak! even ) that I can't eat while tightly restricted, and I just have to admit defeat and put them back in the fridge. When I know they will not go down, and there is no physical possibility of being able to enjoy them, then somehow it is easier to give them up, take them out of the equation and stop worrying about it.



(I wonder whether this means that long term I will struggle to find a happy medium. . .I wonder if there are some foods I am better to never eat, since when I do eat them, I over eat them. Or maybe of course I'll have a happier outcome. Watch this spot!)