Monday, 20 March 2017

Long gap

Hi all or anyone who still reads this. I've not blogged much lately cos there really hasn't been much to blog about.  Things were fairly plain sailing and normal.  Then I went through some fairly stressful stuff and realised my band was reacting by being too tight.

I left it for a while in the hope it would sort itself out but nope, I was back to daily pbging, so made an appt with Belgium Surgery Services (which is what Dr Chris now calls his company) to have an unfill in London

I met Bart, who Id not seen before, and he said I had 5.5ml in and he suggested taking out 1mil. So I am down to 4.5ml

I still have restriction but not like I did, and inevitably I've gained a little weight.  But hopefully I'll lose it if I'm careful what I eat.

Up to 143 pounds this morning, will keep weighing in once a month till I'm back to normal.  I am working on two things: not eating when I'm actually just thirsty; and not eating unless my tummy is rumbling (or I'm feeling light headed)

If I stick to that I should get rid of these pesky seven pounds.

And in a blast from the past, I spent last week at the AZ van Portaels Hospital - not as a patient, but as company for a friend who was having WLS. I was surprised how much the hospital has changed, it's huge and bright green.  And certainly the bariatric team there are working practically on a conveyor belt! WLS has obviously become much popular in the last ten years.

Hope to post more regularly to see if I can hit this regain on the head :)

Monday, 4 April 2016

Back again

Just spent a stressful two hours trying to access my account, for some weird reason my old username had gone awol  - stress stress stresss

On the bright side of things I think I am back in business - and lol i didn't once think of getting some food to make it better!

Here is this month's update - late again, but still doing it.

Oddly, I'm growing (or maybe I had my hair up)


Tuesday, 12 January 2016

Could have done better

Well this is not what I'd hoped for, last weigh in of the year (a few days late)  - I had hoped to be down to 9 stone 9; but hey ho, it is what it is
I knew I hadn't had a great Xmas cos of huge family stress, but the strange thing is that I tend to eat less when stressed, or maybe I just mean I eat less of proper food. I obviously ate enough to keep my weight going; and there are the inevitable liquid calories over Xmas and socialising. . .  .

But I am keeping going. I will keep weighing in once a month and I am 11 pounds less than I was this time last year. Without any conscious effort except knowing what I weighed last month. 

Need to be more healthy this year, more about that next post, but I'm still here and band is still working. I'm happy.

I'm blessed to have a well functioning band eight plus years out.

Happy New Year all. 

Tuesday, 1 December 2015

Welcome back Bunny!

Bunny at http://weightloss-expedition.blogspot.co.uk/ who I have followed for years, is finally back.

Wishing you the best, and the right solution for you :)

xxxxxxxx

Wednesday, 14 October 2015

Calling any bloggers

Hi, due to a technical glitch, I've lost the list of "blogs I read" ; so if anyone who read this has a blog, or better still a list of weight loss blogs they follow, please comment!

I still have Catherine from Chronicles of Band Land and a couple of others I could remember off the top of my head. 

Look forward to getting to read about more journeys! Especially people who are further out, but also new bandsters (if there are any these days)!

Wednesday, 30 September 2015

September 30th

I waited till the last minute to weigh in officially this month cos I was pretty sure I'd gained weight, and I was right, up one pound from last month. No big deal, so long as I lose it next month.

Sorry to sound so paranoid about one pound but I know how easy it is for aa pound here and there become ten pounds or worse re-gain. So I shall make an effort to nip this in the bud and get rid of it. I am 138 pounds, dressed, and BMI is 22, so plenty wiggle room in terms of "goal weight"  - well on paper. I'd like to get rid of a few pounds still - cos there is still plenty fat round my abdominal area, I have a definite "beer belly"; and as well as being unattractive, it's the most unsafe place to carry fat.

I read a lot online about Weight Loss Surgery and it seems like the gastric band has really fallen out of favour. Sleeves are the current surgery of choice, and fewer surgeons are doing bands. This has the knock on effect that getting band adjustments is becoming difficult for some people :(  

I haven't had an adjustment in a couple of years (I think) so it's not an issue for me right now, bit I'd hate to think that I'd have to travel too far if I needed one.  I guess when I had my surgery I thought it would be for life, and not go out of fashion.

I've been very lucky in how settled my band has been, I know some people have had bad experiences and it just didn't work for them. 

I really should go back to Belgium to get my "annual xray"  - I've only had two in nearly 8 yrs!

Monday, 31 August 2015

Where do people go?

I've been blogging for nearly eight years not (not always very regularly) but when I go through my old saved list of "blogs I used to read" so many have not been updated for a few years or have become private so I can't read them.

And, no, blogger, I have no idea how to contact the owner of the blog and ask for permission!

But what piques my curiosity most is what happened to the  bandsters who have stopped blogging?  Did they all reach goal weight, forget about their bands and go on to live happily every after?

Did they have their bands removed?

Did they regain all their weight?

Have a different surgery?

Please if you read this and used to blog, do post in the comments to let me know how you are doing!

Tuesday, 11 August 2015

August update

Gosh it is ages since I updated. My plan to weigh in once a month on a print out machine is working well and I'm down to 137 pounds with clothes on.  Lowest I've been in two years, so I'm happy. 

Other things that are helping are trying not to eat unless my stomach is rumbling or I'm feeling light headed.  Doesn't always work, I'm really bad at snacking - current obsession is bread sticks with garlic dip.

I still can't eat a full meal, and do eat much more slowly than anyone I know. My friends and family are used to it and I've got the hang of "picking and pushing" so it looks like I'm eating more if I'm in a more formal situation.

Sorry to see some of my favourite bloggers have gone private - A Brand New Roo? or just stopped blogging (come  back My Weightloss Expedition)

I'm coming up to 8 yrs out in December, wow. It is sad to see how many people have lost their bands or their band has failed them since then. Loads of revisions to sleeve and bypass around. I've been very blessed to be doing ok, despite the odd wobble. Not had an adjustment for ages now. I really should go for an xray check up, but haven't got round to it.

Life of course is not as simple as a band and I'd hate to give the impression that I'm sitting here smugly happy. Lol if only.  But for all my hassles at least weight is one I can score off the list.

Comments welcomed!

Sunday, 8 February 2015

New Year

I realise I've not updated in ages, I will try to do a monthly update this year. . .

One new year's resolution I made is to weigh in once a month, on a machine that does print outs (so obviously I'm weighing in with my clothes on, rather than jumping on the bathroom scales before a shower, so I do weigh a bit more).  But I thought that the accountability of having a slip to log at least once a month would stop me getting complacent.

I didnt once to get into doing it once a week - it's a bit embarassing it's a machine in a local pharmacy, not a gym and it kinda talks out loud during the process (tho it doesn't announce the results!), so once a month seems reasonable

So far so good, I'm down to 147 pounds fully clothed, and looking back, thats four pounds lighter than I was this time last yr (I still have the old slip)

It's good to keep checking and easy to get complacement !

I'm also cutting down on beer - too many empty calories; that might help too.

I'm also growing my hair not had it cut for over a year, it badly needs a trim but itt grows soooo slowly I feel like it will be short forever unless I make a positive effort to not get  it cut. I suppose there's a similarity: it's the little things that make me fat, not the one offs. It's the little trims every other month that keep my hair short . . .

Hope to keep in touch more - if anyone has a contact for http://www.justmedrazilandsheniqua.com/ can you ask her to add me, used to read regularly.

I hate it when bloggers fade out of touch, tho I'm as guilty as everyone of it :) real life gets in the way but shall try to do better!

Tuesday, 9 September 2014

Autumn update

Life goes on. My band works, when I work with it. In terms of how do I manage my weight?  I don't eat very much, and I barely ever exercise. And I drink beer. BUT I don't really eat much. I've gotten to the point with friends that they know I'll never order a full meal or eat even half an adult portion (grin, one of my besties is getting fat cos he ends up eating the half of the meal I didn't eat)

Socially my life is very very different, maybe I'll get to writing about it here.

I'm not sure how much this is part of my weight loss - I guess a lot of it is. I have learned to let go of "ideals" and be perfectly happy with the "not very good".

Instead of looking at what I don't have, I can look at what I do. That's a step forward for me.

I am immensely grateful for the opportunity that WLS gave me to be a more mature and happier person now than I've ever been. I've stopped  hating myself. I quite like myself.  But the flip side of that is that now not everyone who used to tolerate the "fat friend" finds me so easy to get along with; and I see through people who were previously  just using me

Hope this  makes some sense :) comments welcome!

Wednesday, 4 June 2014

Almost another year

Wow it is really nearly a year since I last posted.  I do still read blogs off n on, but it never seems worth posting when I don't have much to say about my band/weight. BUT with Cath getting back into posting, I thought I would do the same, in case anyone is still reading.

I'm still a happy bandit/bandster. My weight is up a little, I vary between 9-12 and 10-8 (or 138 to 148 in pounds) and lately have been at the higher end. But I can live with that.

My life has changed a lot, I have more energy, spend time going out, care about what I look like - the list goes on. I also stand up for myself more, and refuse to give into "emotional blackmail" from friends who don't like the new me.

Good luck to everyone out there, I read your stories, esp the longer term bandsters who shared my initial journey.

If anyone reads, do comment so I know

Friday, 14 June 2013

Wow, I can't believe I've not posted here in nearly a year. I guess that is because there is very little to say, band wise.

The blip I was having when I last posted seemed to settle down on its own, and it is a long time since I've had a fill or defill.

My weight is stable at around 136 pounds, sometimes I get up to 140 but then I cut back.

I've rejoined the gym to try to build some muscle, as I really don't have any, but since I only rejoined last week I don't expect to see any results yet.

My band seems to be working well - I am 5.5 yrs post op. I eat smaller portions all the time, and if I don't, I'll  be sick. There are also some foods that I simply can't eat at all, but I've got so used to that now, that I don't think about it.

When eating out I've perfected the "push and pick" move, whereby I move food round my plate and eat hardly any of  it (unless it is band friendly).

I'm so glad I had my band, it is part of my life now, and though I don't think about it most days, it is good to know it is still working well. I don't think about my weight most days either, I just get on with life.

My port is very visible/obvious to anyone who hugs me tightly, so I have mentioned it to a couple of close friends who didn't know, and they were in shock that I'd ever need WLS. Grin, they haven't known me that long.

I've changed a lot on the inside as well as on the out. I'm a much stronger person, I'm more involved in all kinds of different activities now. I have a lot of new friends  - people who didn't know me before; and yes WLS has changed my personality; I'm more outspoken and less of a doormat, grin, some of my old friends possibly think I am not such a nice person, but that would depend on your definition of "nice".

Congrats to Catherine ahead of her big day tomorrow - so thrilled for you!  And I am enjoying catching up on everyone's continued stories.

Even if you don't blog very often, post now and again to let us know how you are doing

Tuesday, 28 August 2012

Band update

Not posted about my band in a while. Things are not good. I've recently been having bad acid reflux - which I put down to stress, stress always goes for my stomach, ever pre band.

Then I had a particularly bad vomiting bug and I don't think things have been right since then. I have semi permanent stomach pain, and a lot of acid pain. A few times I pb'd on nothing and brought up blood

I know it is easy to rupture tiny blood vessels, that has happened to me before pre band, I'm hoping that is all it is.

I am worried that my hiatus hernia which was repaired during surgery is causing problems again. Or, God forbid, that I have a slipped band or erosion.

Hoping to see the doctor soon.

I'm not sure if there is any change to my restriction, I'm being very careful not to eat anything that might test it!  And I've gained a bit of weight, up to 145 pounds. Not good.

Will update soon

My face lift was a complete waste of time and money and I still have red and slightly painful scars :-(

Monday, 2 July 2012

Face lift

Not a weight loss related issue, well maybe. Since losing around 80 pounds I've been aware that I have loose wrinkled skin round my face (well, to be honest, in lots of places but my face bothers me most)

I've had botox and fillers and sculptra and have been mostly pretty happy with the results.  But I found this online


http://youtu.be/NWcEu095Iyk

Not sure if you can see the video here, but do click the linkl

and was tempted to try it. I saw the surgeon today, and wasn't impressed. He didn't speak English very well, and we spent about 10 mins together maximum.

It is cheap by UK standards (£1750) but is only likely to last for a year. (That is a lot less than I could spend on non-surgical procedures like lipolysis)

I'm going ahead with the procedure, and will post before and after pics.. . . .

It is a "one stitch" face lift.  As the video says, you put your fingers in your ears, move then forward to your face and pull up, to see the probable result.

The patient coordinator I am dealing with seems very competent. I've googled the surgeon, and as usual there are good stories and bad - tho no bad stories about this procedure. (Yet!)


Tuesday, 19 June 2012

Catherine is engaged!

Not an update about me, but I am so happy that one of my favourite bandsters, who has the most amazing blog, personality and life, has just got engaged. She is over the moon, and I am thrilled for her.

Bands are not just about weight loss,  but also about the self esteem and life changes that come too.

God is good!

My band is stable, I'm doing ok, around 136 (good day) or 143 (not so good day), I've not blogged because there was nothing much to say.  Life is good and busy here.

But I'm as excited as a school girl for Catherine!

Friday, 16 March 2012

March Update

Mid March and I am doing better, that last fill has helped, and I am slowly getting back down, was 10.0.4 this morning (Nearly under ten stone!!!)

Quite encouraging, cos I a not doing "everything right" or following the rules.

But feel good to be slowly climbing down again

Monday, 6 February 2012

Well, not doing very well at all. Any added restriction has disappeared, and I'm stuck at 10 - 8.  I gained a little last week, and today am back to where I was two weeks ago.  I have booked another fill, to see if a tiny tweak will help.

It is cold here, I feel like sitting in front of the TV huddled in blankets with some great comfort food; no wonder I'm not losing weight!

I should be more active. But so far, I'm not :-)

Monday, 23 January 2012

Well, maybe the fill has helped more than I thought, I am down to 10 stone 8 (148 pounds) this morning, which is good news.

I just need to keep it up, and keep losing a little each week.

Keitha, if you have had three fills and feel "nothing" in the way of restriction, I'd ask your surgeon about it. Unless they were very tiny fills (which some doctors like to do). After my first couple of fills I had good restriction for quite a few months.  But they were biggish fills, done at a month post op. (I think I had three mils on Friday and another one mil on Saturday)

I am just so hopeless with willpower - which why I need my band.

Wednesday, 18 January 2012

Not a happy bunny.  The fill has not given me the restriction I wanted.

I need more restriction, or more will power.  Lol, I know which is easier to get . . .

I can not maintain weight loss without restriction.  Maybe I should just get a stomach-ectomy and live on protein drinks for the rest of my life.

Sigh sigh sigh sigh sigh.

What next?

Another fill. But where and when and how (and what with??? these fills don't come cheap!)

Saturday, 14 January 2012

Had my fill today, 0.75mil, I wanted one mil, but we compromised.  I am scared it's not enough, since I could drink the whole plastic cup full of water without pausing. I wonder if I should have asked for me. It didn't help that the lady who'd gone in to see Dr Marc before me was gagging and felt overfilled and he was worried about her. Maybe that made him nervous.

I had a large coffee on the train ride home, and a cup of soup (instant, not home made) when I got back.  I'm hungry.  I hope this fill is going to work. Sigh, I realise I shall have to work with it.

I was 154 pounds this morning on Dr M's scales.

Wednesday, 11 January 2012

Time to update

Time to update - I am waiting (a bit desperately) for my fill this weekend. I have put on more weight than I'd like to admit since my last unfill.

It was/ is my own  fault, it is NOT the fault of the band.  I've had a good four years of lsoing weight/ maintained weight loss, but since I had the unfill, I have been gaining. Not a huge amount, but a little here and a little there can become an extra 20 pounds toooo fast.

I am not a bandster who can say that the op changed them, their eating habits or their obesity tendency.  I need my band; I need my restriction.  I am so glad I can have a fill - if I'd had a bypass (RNY etc) I'd be stuck, but I *can* get back on track  - not via my "will power" but because of my band.

Bring on the fill!

Thursday, 15 December 2011

Back in Blogland

I've been less busy with work the last few days and spent ages reading blogs. I don't have a list down the side-bar of my blog, but thanks to Roo at http://abrandnewroo.blogspot.com/ I managed to read through most of my old favourites, and some new favourites too.

I have so much to be thankful for, bandwise. No major complications, good weight loss and reasonable restriction.

Yes I whine and complain a bit, and yes I could make better choices and lose another 15 pounds. But on the whole life is good and I'm thankful for my band.

I really feel for people who've had to lose their bands - Jen and Sally - and it makes me grateful that I've not had these horrible complications.

I've been banded for four years. Another year, and I will become a statistical anomaly- someone who lost significant amounts of weight and kept it off for five years.

Reading all these other blogs, I realise this is probably the most boring (esp visually) blog in the blogsphere. But I haven't a clue how to jazz up my layout.

Friday, 9 December 2011

I need more restriction

Since my last fill I've not gained any weight, but I have only lost 3 or 4 pounds. I don't really have enough restriction, and I am as hungry as ever.

Not particularly happy coming up to the holidays worrying about my weight and needing a fill. I'll prob wait till the New Year, but I do need to lose weight.

I don't like carrying around an extra 15 pounds. I know that on BMI charts I am ok, my BMI is 23, I am not technically overweight. But I don't have much or any muscle, so that weight is all fat. (Well, apart from the bones etc :-)

I don't seem to eat a huge amount (fill-wise, I can't), but I do eat too often and the wrong things and I don't exercise. Sigh. Need to get things sorted.

On the brighter side of things, it is 4 yrs since my op, and I am sooo glad I had it. I don't really mind that I'd like to lose a few pounds. I am not massively overweight. I look reasonable in my clothes, I can move around comfortably and no longer feel "un-abled" by my size/weight.

I am so glad that I had surgery. My life hasn't had the same dramatic changes as some other bandsters, but losing ten points off my BMI is great. And I never ever want to get to that point again. I need to get another small fill, and work with my band.

And if I don't post again, happy holidays to everyone.

Saturday, 29 October 2011

October Update

It was great having only 5 mils in my band. I hardly knew it was there. In fact it felt like it wasn't. And in seven weeks I gained 13 pounds. So off I went for a fill. This time, he put 1 mil back in. I wasn't sure if that was too much; I was going to ask for 0.25 but he suggested a whole 1 mil.

I'm still on fluids, but can tell that my restriction is back with a vengeance. I wonder how long it will take me to lose these 13 pounds. Longer than it took me to gain them, no doubt.

I feel like I've had a WLS holiday over the last six weeks. With no restriction and eating whatever I wanted, I stopped reading WLS blogs or the WLS forum. I need to get back on track.

Saturday, 10 September 2011

September update. Weight wise I stay about 136 - 139 pounds, if I get over 139 I immediately cut back.

I am doing no exercise at all, I know, it is not good.

I don't eat a lot of real food - mostly soups and slider foods. And I've been having no-specific pain in my stomach and back. And when I do eat real food, I am often sick (pb).

So I decided that enough is enough. Went along to a fill provider (Dr Marc Focquet) (he did not do my surgery, but is in London every fortnight on a Saturday which is v convenient for me) and asked him to check exactly how much was in my band.

He said 6.5mls. I thought it was more than that (though I know sometimes some stays in the tubing etc) He then put 5mils back in, so I have had a 1.5 ml defill.

That's a lot. It felt/feels really weird (my stomach I mean) (and even my back feels weird) and if I breath in too hard I get a stabbing sort of feeling in that area (stomach not port)

I bet I put on a ton of weight in no time :-) and go rushing back for a refill. But for now, I need to eat solid food, slowly and stop when I am full. And stop pb'ng full stop. (Stick to the basic bandster rules I mean)

I have a horrible feeling I probably wrote this same post a yr ago :-) I'm going round in circles a bit with my band. But at least I'm in skinnier circles than I used to be!

Monday, 25 July 2011

July

It is a while since I updated. Nothing much has changed. I've lost a few pounds which is good (well, three, which is hardly much to write home about) but to be fair I really have not been trying very hard (at all)

My band is tight, I can only drink hot fluids in the morning (coffee good - water bad); but as the day goes on it gets easier

I don't eat a lot of real food, mostly soft foods and soups/protein drinks. That is partly my own fault, I could eat more real food if I could slow down and take the time to chew properly and concentrate - *and* stop before I am full.

But life is busy and I generally don't which means I am sick, which means I go back to fluids or soft foods. I can eat out with friends who don't know about the band if I am mega careful, so that is good.

I have had a few days recently where my stomach has been really sore - not gastric acid sore, but painful - very. Pre op I had a hiatus hernia, which was repaired during my banding op. I wonder if part of the repair has come undone. It is that sort of pain, along with difficulty swallowing - which is not the same as the difficulty swallowing with a tight band (I had difficulties swallowing for yrs due to the hernia)

If it continues I'll maybe get an endoscopy to see what is happening. But hiatus hernia repairs do tend to go wrong (in fact the NHS here would not repair it for me) (it is a complex procedure and many UK surgeons would rather manage the symptoms than go for surgery) so I'm not sure if I'd want more surgery.

Assuming, of course, that that is what the problem is. I've had my band for 3.5 yrs and this is a new pain - well, it's the old pain back again. It's not unbearable, but annoying. And I have to be careful with posture, how I sit, esp leaning forward, since sometimes part of the stomach gets caught under the diaphram (first time that happened I thought I was having a heart attack, seriously!)

I've not been reading blogs for ages, new computer and lost my old links, but will try to get back into it

Till then, love to all bandsters!

Monday, 20 June 2011

Just to update to keep an accurate record of my fills/unfills - because I've used two diff providers neither of them has a clue what is in my band - nor do I, tbh, but I could work it out via this blog
I felt my restriction was getting to be less and less and was beginning to worry whether I had erosion of my band. It's not common, but it is not *that* uncommon either
I had an x ray done, privately, it cost £95 and I just had to walk in off the street and was out inten mins. I got a copy of the xray plus a disc with it on - great service, Harley Street Xray Express is highly recommended.
I had to wait a month to see Dr C again, and during that time I worried myself sick that the xray didn't look good and showed erosion/migration of the band.
When I finally saw Dr C, he thought the xray looked great, but warned me that erosion can't be diagnosed by xray necessarily; and added that in the 8000 Heliogast bands he'd fitted, there had never been one case of erosion.
And he gave me a 0.5 mil fill.
And today I am down to 142, losing weight ever so slowly,but I hope I am getting back towards my goal
Dr C always tells me I've lost enough weight while I think I could do with losing another 20 pounds!
Till next time. .

Friday, 6 May 2011

Updating

I had 0.5mils replaced in my band on May 5th.
My weight is up by quite a bit, to 150 lbs, from a low of 124 lbs. Not happy. Got to make better food choices, don't feel any difference in restriction, tbh, but time will tell.
I also had an xray done, but won't have it looked at by a doctor till next month

Friday, 14 January 2011

Another un-fill

I feel like the last one mil in my band has cost me at least as much as the operation itself!

Since a recent vomitting bug, the only serious vomitting virus I have had since being banded three plus yrs ago - not good - I felt I was being sick (pbing) too much and went to see Dr Marc about getting my band defilled by 0.25ml.

I only wanted a tiny tweak, since the band is working for/with me mostly right now and I am down to 133 pounds (9 stone 7).

He had different ideas, and when he stabbed my port with the needle, he said (and I could see) that fluid was pouring into the syringe, without him having to do any pulling. He said that that showed my band was under pressure. He let it continue until it stopped, by which time 0.8 (nearly a whole mil) had come out.

He insisted I have that removed, so I have.

Wonder how it will affect my eating patterns/weight loss

Saturday, 1 January 2011

Happy New Year

In the interests of honesty and fairness, I need to say that I feel better now. I somehow managed to pick myself up a bit since my last post, and got down from 10 stone 4 (or 10 stone 8 on a bad day) to 9 stone 12 (or 9 stone 9 on a good day). I realise that that is only ten pounds or so of difference, but it makes a huge difference to how I feel.

What happened to make that work? Well, I am no longer going to the gym, and I'm doing less exercise than ever since before this journey started, pretty much. But, on the other hand, I am probably less hungry - exercise always made me starving.

I took appetite suppressants off and on for a month (I never take them daily, just now and again, maybe 10 - 12 days a month) and that seemed to kick start the weight loss.

I'm now maintaining at around 9 stone 10. I'd love to be ten pounds lighter, but I can live with this.

I'm sorry I've been MIA for so long, I love the bandster community, and I read regularly, even if I don't comment

Happy 2011 everyone

Saturday, 30 October 2010

A year ago

Just looked back; a year ago I was 10 - 14 pounds lighter

I have gone back to the old pre banding regime of gaining about a pound a month, a stone a yr, and am working my way back to morbid obesity. . . .

Why? How?

No easy answers. I hate myself.
And it is not going well nor easy. I seem to have a choice - total restriction/fluids only/occasional sloppies/no real food/lots of high cal garbage

OR

eat everything in sight

Either way, I'm gaining weight. Horribly. Terrifiyingly.

I am finding the regain/failure journey very hard. I look terrible in pictures; my clothes don't fit/are bursting/can't be tied

I'm getting fat. Again. For the thousandth time in my life, a weight loss method has failed me

I can't get the "sweet spot" where you can eat a little of most things, are never hungry and lose weight.

I can eat either nothing or everything and yes, I am having 0.25 mil adjustments.

Friday, 8 October 2010

Fills and unfills

I wasn't going to update this, but in order to keep a record of my band life, I wanted to say that I had one mil taken out on Sept 17, weighing 10 stone 4; I felt that I was eating junk cos I couldn't eat food, and gaining weight like mad.

And I had 1.25 put back in today, 4 wks later, weighing 10 stone 8.

I am glad to have the restriction back. I've not been pbing so much the last month, just eating and keeping it down and gaining weight.

Not sure my band is tight enough. I drank the cup of water without and problems. I think I prob have dilation, but Dr M said no, he didn't think so. He was vague about the symptoms, he doesn't listen v much. Or maybe I don't talk much, maybe I should have talked more about what is happening, how I feel, etc, instead of walking in with my mind already made about what I want.

Band is ok; but not great. And if I keep re gaining, I'll soon be back where I started.

I used to panic if I got over nine stone. Then I was happy so long as I stayed under 9 - 7; then being in the nines with single figures was ok; then being nine something was ok. . .

Today, and for the last few weeks, I've been dreading hitting 11:00. I can cope (huh!) with being 10-09; 10-12 even.

But I really want to get rid of the extra 28 pounds. All the extra weight is around my tummy area, I look like I'm 5 months pg :-(

I tried getting a defill to see if I'd eat better and be healthier; instead I just got fatter.

So now, I've had a fill, to see if I'd eat less. I have no delusions about eating better or healthier, except maybe I'll start using the Cambridge Diet type drinks instead of real food. But my band is not tight enough for that. Hmmm, should I call the doc and ask to see him tomorrow? Ask for another 0.25ml?

I'm tempted. But I guess I won't. Not this month.

Monday, 26 July 2010

Update

I'm not going to update this any more; but an online banding friend suggested that I leave it open, since it tells the whole of my story (well, the whole so far :-)) and might be helpful for newbies to read.

I will continue to read blogs, but for now, I'm not a blogster any more (grin, blogging-bandster).

Wishing everyone love and luck and happiness in their journeys, and look forward to checking in maybe in six months time

H x x

Monday, 24 May 2010

Monday

Not sure if this is showing up or not - Google has been messing about a bit.

Monday, 3 May 2010

Bikini!

No, not me, Catherine over at http://chroniclesfrombandland.blogspot.com/. Wow, you look great. I don't have bikini pics of me (not now, not ever) but pre op I took some pics in my undies.

Catherine looks amazing. I still wouldn't (BMI 21.5) wear a bikini. In fact I've never shopped for one. I wore one once in my life, I borrowed a friend's. Can't imagine that I ever will wear one, at the ripe old age of 39 again (lol)

Friday, 16 April 2010

Update

It's funny, when I check my favourite blogs (and there are dozens :-) I feel kind of cheated when they go too long without updating, but I'm worse, I've not updated this in ages.

I didn't get the sickness that was going round the family (thankfully!), I felt a bit queasy, but wasn't actually sick. (I love hyacyinths and spring, and today I potted some geraniums). They will probably die cos I am not very great at looking after flowers, but hey, they are fun while they last)

I decided against having my band defilled a tiny bit the other weekend, I had planned it, but I knew it was just stress making me tight, and in the end I reckoned if I sat it out it would sort out. And so it sort of has. I'm still a bit on the tight side, but not losing weight.

(That doesn't surprise me since I have completely given up exercise until I get more medical tests done - physiology tests due this week, and more pelvic floor tests in May I hope) Till then I have to avoid lifting, running or anything that could put pressure on my pelvic floor.

So I am happy to be maintaining at 9 stone 10. Ideally I'd like to lose another half stone, but we'll see how my tests go.

I've started walking again, about half an hour a day, but can't do more cos I get quite a bit of pain if I'm on my feet too long.

I need to buy some spring/summer clothes; but have been putting that off. I'm not confident shopping and tend to stick to the same few clothes I really like (and have had for ages :-)

Hoping to get back to exercise sooner rather than later, but it is going to depend if I need pelvic floor/bladder surgery. On the plastics front, I am not having my facelift. The doctor never responded to my last email (when I pointed out that he *had* confirmed my booking, and was leaving me out of pocket by cancelling it). I did ask him when he would be happy to see me, but he's not got back to me.

I feel if I'm not personally comfortable with a surgeon, not matter how skilled he is, I don't want to have a face lift with him. There are other surgeons. . . and maybe I should start with a tummy tuck. I've been in touch with a different Belgian doctor re a TT consultation.

Though right now, moving between London and basically anywhere else is impossible, since Heathrow has been shut for several days. The ferries/trains to the Europe are running, but are fully booked and chaotic. So no immediate rush for my TT consultation.

I'm so happy it is spring. I love sunshine!

Monday, 5 April 2010

Happy Easter

Everyone in this house apart from me has a sickness/vomitting virus. Nightmares. With a band, it is something I really don't want to get. I'm taking every preventative measure possible, and praying like mad.

It's been a hectic/miserable/sickey weekend. Ah well, these things happen, and we didn't have big plans.

Now off to read on the blogsphere - I caught a glimpse of a goal being smashed on Catherine's blog (http://chroniclesfrombandland.blogspot.com/) Yeay!

Lots on this week, more stress, learning to have a new member in our family (she's in a care home really near us, and is a dear old lady, and we will all be involved in visiting her, caring, etc) and on Saturday I am meant to see a fill provider about getting a slight unfill, since with the stress I've been mega tight.

In other news - the doctor I was supposed to be having my face lift with is messing me about. I confirmed a date with him later on this month, then I asked him a few questions (about his failure rates, law suits against him, etc - fairly standard questions I'd ask anyone if I was going to have surgery with them) and he became very defensive, and said he would not reply to my email, but I could phone him if I wished, but I had to understand that discretion is vital in this industry.

Then I get an email saying that I failed to confirm the date and can't have surgery after all.

I keep all my emails, so I emailed back showing the confirmation of my surgery and asked him if he would be happy to treat me at any other date? (Obviously, I am beginning to wonder, should I get a different surgeon? Is this fate and I should cancel it for a bit? Waaaaaaaaaaah. I'm such a chicken.)

Friday, 2 April 2010

Layout

Sorry bout the layout in the last post, havent' really got the hang of gettting pictures and text to line up. Will do better next time, but too tired to fix this tonight.
Have a great weekend, bandsters - and step away from the chocolate :-)

Easter weekend













A Happy Easter to all my fellow bandsters!

Hope you all got up to something interesting.

Here, it's a lot of work, caring for family who are moving to a nursing home. So the stress continues, and my band is still too tight. I am getting fluids down ok, but I try (I know, I shouldn't) to eat some real food as well, and that doesn't work very well.

I can manage crackers and cheese, crips (chips) and biscuits (though I try not to eat them) in the afternoon/evenings; but day time I am definitely only able to have fluids.


In fact when I wake up - before 6am - I can't have anything at all for a couple of hours, and even then I have to be realllly careful, coffee won't go down (prob cos I have milk in it), only water will. Hmmm, maybe I should try my coffee black for a bit (I used to love black coffee, but gave it up cos it isn't meant to be good for your stomach to have too much raw caffeine, and I've always had stomach issues)
. . .
but black coffee would prob do a lot more for me in the mornings than plain water and might stop me trying to "binge" on cup a soup by lunch time. Lol, this is not normal for a band, in case anyone new is worrying about having to live like this. My band is normally a lot more co operative, but this stress (which is manageable, I hope I can live with/thru it, without too much more hassle) has affected me.
I guess if the stress wasn't affecting my band, it would be giving me headaches or eczema or affecting me some other way. . . .
Off to de-stress and watch some TV (with a glass of white wine, though last glass I had would not go down at all - a band too tight for wine?? not good!)

Wednesday, 31 March 2010

Stress and bands

Stress tightens my band - and life is stressed right now. Not in a too-bad-too-personal way (no death or divorce, grin) but I am caring for elderly relatives one of whom is moving to a care home, the other hospitalised, and I seem to spend 2 hrs a day on the telephone checking up and chasing up doctors etc.



And it is stressful - to the extent, lol that I spent all of last night dreaming about hospitals and care homes! And with that stress my band likes to tighten itself a few notches. So I'm basically on fluids only - well, I've managed a little chicken earlier on today and I'm eating a packet of crisps as I type, but I've pb'd a little bit of the crisps and it's taking me half an hour to eat a packet (in the bad old pre-band days I could eat a multipack in half an hour)

Didn't finish this post the other day - things are still busy and my band is still tight. Have an appt next week to see if I need a tiny bit out if things haven't settled.

I feel like it's not very fair to my band to keep fiddling with it, since the stress is not my band's fault, but on the other hand, living on soup, soft cheese and hot chocolate is getting a bit tiring.


I'm loath to get a defill since I realise that this isn't the fault of my band, but more of my life!

Monday, 29 March 2010

Mondays

The best thing (maybe the only good thing, lol) about Mondays is that most of the bandster blogs I follow get updated over the weekend. I'm not online on Sundays, so by the time it gets to Monday in the UK I have lots of blogs to catch up on. Not, of course, that I don't have lots of other things to do to, it being Monday and all that, but today, these things can wait till I've had a long read of what all my favorite bandsters are up to.

Today is ds3's birthday, and in keeping with a family tradition, we all get the day off (except dh and ds1 who have to go to work). Now all I have to do is try not to eat too much birthday cake!

Weigh in this morning was miserable - 9 stone 12.4. How can anyone have 2 days' starvation, a colonoscopy and still gain 2.4 pounds?? I guess it is possible. Maybe I should buy new scales, grin.

Friday, 26 March 2010

Done and dusted plus NSV

Colonoscopy over and all clear, thankfully. I had a general anaesthetic - I hate them, but I also could not bear the thought of a colonscopy under "sedation" - given that the last time I was not remotely sedated, and felt every ugly part of the procedure.

I am glad to be home, and surprisingly, not that hungry. I had a few cups of coffee and some soup when I got back to my room, but couldn't face the sandwiches (I never can eat bread) and only ate one of the biscuits.


Since getting home I've had the run of the fridge, but honestly don't feel hungry - great side effect off a GA, I guess. (I realise it is probably because of the great big tube that was stuck down my throat - she offered to show me it while she was prepping me for surgery, and I said yes, I'd like to see it - then promptly wished I hadn't - it looked far worse than it looks on medical dramas on TV! It is still quite sore to swallow, so I'll stick to fluids while I can.)

Despite yesterday's starvation and all the "preparation" I had to drink, when I weighed myself this morning I had put on a pound!!!! Talk about adding insult to injury . . . however, I am putting it down to water weight (I must have had four or five litres to drink yesterday) and hoping that when I do my weekly weigh in next week I'll be rewarded with a least a small loss.

At this stage (BMI normal) it is so much harder to lose weight (esp since I've been off exercise for the last few weeks, pending medical investigations), so that even 0.5 of a pound loss is good news.

Oh before I forget, I had a lovely NSV today. . . .

There I was all gowned up (you know how attractive - not - hospital gowns are), lying on a trolley (gurney) waiting to be put to sleep, and the anaesthetist started looking for a vein in the back of my hand. I have non-compliant veins so it took her a little while, and she remarked, "oh, another one - all my ladies this morning have been so petite" - Petite??? No one has ever ever called me that before, lol, not even as a new born baby. I was so thrilled I might have hugged her if I hadn't been lying down half dressed and attached to various monitors.

I do have quite slim hands I guess, but yeay, I like being "petite" (even though at nearly 5 ft 7 it is never going to be the truth, it made me feel good)

Thursday, 25 March 2010

Hungry

(This is how I feel)

It's been an odd day, drinking coffee, squash and laxative preparations. Thankfully I have not had to do anything at all, other than watch TV and surf the internet. I'm grateful to my dear daughter (dd) for cooking the family's meals today - not sure than I could have coped in the kitchen without eating something.



I feel really weak right now, but otherwise relatively ok. It's a long time since I spent a day without any form of food whatsoever (even post fill when I am on fluids only I have things like soup, which today I can't have)



Am going to have a bath and an early night. And will no doubt dream of food!

Time out




(These are not pics of me - but of the results I'd like to get - the before pic is the second one, I couldn't get blogger to oblige me by switiching them round. This pics are taken from my surgeons' website)
I'm having a day off today, since I'm on starvation diet and will soon be rushing to and fro the bathroom. Nice to have a day off - not so nice to have it for this reason. However, it means I get a chance to do lots of blog reading and to catch up with editing photos and writing emails. I don't intend to do anything at all physical - couch potato to the core :-) I might stretch to doing some online shopping, but nothing more strenuous!

Wednesday, 24 March 2010

Another week

Another week since I posted. I was down to 9 stone 10 last time I weighed, though I have high hopes of being less next week - not least because tomorrow I am not allowed to eat any food at all (only clear fluids) pre colonscopy; then on Friday I won't be allowed to eat until after the procedure.

And today I'm on a restricted diet of (band friendly) slider foods - biscuits, butter, cream, soft chicken, mashed potatoes. No fibre.

So I am hoping the enforced starvation will help the scales (trying to put a positive spin on it, there really isn't anything positive at all about enforced starvation!)

I am already feeling very sorry for myself. I get to drink lots of laxative laden fluid tomorrow, and am warned to "stay near a bathroom". Hmmmm, like anyone wouldn't?

In other news, I have decided to (as in finally booked) have a face lift. No one but me thinks it is at all necessary, but it's my face and my life, and why not? So I'll be heading off to Belgium at the end of April. I will take plenty of photos - not sure I'll have the courage to post them here.

Hope everyone is well in BandsterLand - Catherine, you've been MIA for a bit - busy with work? Bunny, you've disappeared again too . . ?

Wednesday, 17 March 2010

Doing ok

Thought I was having a bad week, and to be honest, have had a few too many slider foods. . . but when I got on the scales this evening, fully clothed, they were kind - so I'm hoping that tomorrow morning (I am always lighter in the morning) they will be extra kind.

I don't normally weigh myself at night, nor dressed, but I was tidying up in the lounge and found that one of my teenage daughters (I have two) had moved the scales in there, so I took a deep breath and jumped on, "just to check".

Yeay for a better result than I expected (I didn't expect much: getting rid of the last ten pounds is so so so hard, believe me. But heck, I'd rather be battling the last ten pounds, than battling the other 80 odd pounds I've lost)

And Happy St Patrick's Day to all the Irish out there (I have a great-great-grandmother who was Irish - and two parents who are Celtic Scottish), hope you had a great day, and enjoyed the green beer.

Cheers everyone!

Monday, 15 March 2010

Cousin Bioring

I checked on the WLS Info Forum; and Jacqui who was banded five yrs ago by my doctor, said, " . that the band type (the Cousin Bioring) due to it's high placement and the fact that it is considered a "soft" band has had no reported erosions and no reported slippages since he started placing them 6 years ago. "

That is good news, however, I don't want to be the first :-)

Saturday, 13 March 2010

Brand New Roo

Just some hugs to Roo (www.abrandnewroo.blogspot.com) living in the Middle East, who was banded in August and when she went for another fill, found out that her port has flipped - and it's going to cost $1200 to fix, and she can't have a fill before then.

Ouch. Sorry for you hun. Hope you get this fixed soon and get back on the losing track. (She has an amazing photo of her port movement and the attempts to do her last fill)

Friday, 12 March 2010

Ouch

Having a stressful time - not band related. Dh's parents are unwell, and we live a long way away and it has meant a lot of work, phone calls and worry. Might not sound much, but for us, it has been a really tough time . . .And along with stress comes band tightening and this week I've not had the *sense* to go back to fluids for a couple of days, and I've been pbing too much

Right now my stomach just *aches* from a few pbs this evening. I am hungry but can't seem to find any food that stays down. And not much fluid either.

The pb cycle is bad. I eat too much or too fast; then I pb; stomach gets swollen; less food can go down; I'm stressed;I'm hungry - feels like I am starving; I eat too much or too fast; so I pb . . . and so it goes on.

Going to stick to fluids tomorrow, I promise. . .

I read on the Weight Loss Forum that in the six yrs since my surgeon has been fitting my type of band, there have been NO reported case (anywhere in the world) of that type of band slipping or eroding. That makes me feel a bit better right now, cos otherwise I think I'd be sure my band was about to explode :-(

Off to sleep now, and tomorrow is another day. I need to de-stress and give my poor stomach a rest.

Good luck to everyone - and I wouldn't like to worry any new or prospective bandsters, this isn't usual. I'm unusually stressed, and my eating right now is unusually bad.

In the pre band days I'd have eaten non stop, and then some more. That isn't possible any more, thankfully.