Monday, 28 December 2009

Oh dear oh dear

I am up to 10 stone 1.8 pounds. It is all my own fault (grin, wish I could blame some evil force at work in the universe, but I can't) - I've been snacking too much, my restriction is all but gone, and I've not been to the gym as much as I should or could have.

On the positive side of things, I've booked a fill, and am determined to try to cut down on what I'm mindlessly eating (quite a lot at this time of yr). Total intake today, two cups of coffee, and one Cambridge Diet drink. So far, so good. Roll on next week and my fill. I feel like asking for another 2mils, but since I just had 0.5mls out, I doubt I'd survive that. Not sure if it is worth having 0.25, but less is sometimes more when it comes to restriction.

At least I'm not facing yet another New Year's resolution to lose 100 pounds; I only need to lose ten or so. And that is not impossible with a band.

Tuesday, 22 December 2009

Bah Humbug

I am not feeling Christmassy at all. I'm cold and tired and trying not to eat too much. Since my defill I've stopped pbing completely which is great (though if I do drink diet Coke which hasn't had time to go flat too fast it might come back up), but I'm scared of weight gain.

So I am anxiously watching every calorie, and I hate it.

One thing that never worked for me was the sense of not being hungry. I am always hungry and often thinking about food when I really don't need to eat. And although I get full easily, I also get hungry again quickly.

I think I had too much out at my last defill. It seems likely that my stomach was swollen with pbing and now that my restriction is less and that has settled down, the swelling has gone down and I have too little restriction.

Bands are hard work!

Enjoying the sucess stories out there in Bandland!

Saturday, 19 December 2009

Tough time.

Just gone by my 2 yr oppiversary. I really haven't lost any weight at all since this time last yr.
2 yrs ago I was 15 stone 3
1 yr ago I was 10 stone 4

Today I am between 9-12 and 10-2

Which means that in one yr I've not reallly moved at all. I don't want to stablized (and I am not stable) at 10 stone 2, 4, or 6. I would rather be 8 stone 2, 4 or 6. Lowest I ever got to was 8-12.

I realise it is Xmas, lots of lovely food around, lots of entertainment, out of routine, etc.

But oh my goodness, what am I going to do! I seem to be on the "regain wagon" hard and fast.

Not saying this to frighten anyone, but just to be honest.

I hate the fact I've regained weight.

I hate being too tight for clothes that used to look great on me.

I hate standing on the scales.

I hate the looks on people's faces when they last saw me at 8-12 and I am now 10 - 15 pounds heavier and their face says it all ("it was just another mad crazy crash diet, and though she lost so much weight, she is back on the way up up and up and given time she'll be fat fat fat again"

Soo o o o o what am I going to do about it? I guess a fill is on the cards, asap. And until then, self control, discipline and dieting.