Wednesday, 8 July 2009

Struggling

The last week or so have been hard. Probably longer than that, actually. The hot weather has made my band tighter, and that has made me sicker which has irritated my stomach and made my band tighter.

So I seem to spend life hungry and tired, and never able to get proper food down, while nibbling constantly and not-good-for-you food - you know the stuff like crisps (chips) dip, nuts, ice cream and er anything liquid. Which is NOT good for me.

I am in the horrible position of being so restricted that I am "hardly eating" in terms of food, yet I have put on four pounds. I am now 9 stone 6. And growing, at this rate.

I have two choices, accept the tight band, go on to something like the Cambridge Diet/Slim Fast and get used to not eating food (not sure how that is going to work . . .) or have 1 mil out of my band to give myself a chance to eat real food and hopefully lose weight because I won't be eating so much junk.
Sigh.
This is not good. I am pbing constantly, like 20 times a day? I don't count,but everything I try to eat gets stuck; I'm sick, I get hungry, I try to eat, it gets stuck. . . and so it goes on.

I'm also getting heart burn/acid indigestion, which is *bad* - I never normally get this. I know it is from the irritation to my band/stomach caused by poor diet and pbing non stop. To explain how tight my band is, I just had some lovely (huh!) Gaviscon extra (for foreign readers, this is a thick, gloopy, mint tasting, chalk textured antacid) and even that is likely to come back up, since it is not clear liquid.

Boooo. I am having a bad day. Writing this helps. I'm looking into getting a defill on Friday, though that will be complicated cos I have a meeting to go to; and there is the problem that any defill is likely to make me gain weight really fast. And even if I have a defill now, I will have to have a refill soon. . . which is £200 down the drain.

I hate this yoyo-ing. It is as bad as being on diet. And it proves that my head issues are still well and truely there, and I've not learned anything really.

Thanks for letting me vent.

1 comment:

The Dash! said...

You poor girl!! That is no way to live life. Admittedly I have only had one fill and by far are no expert, BUT I have done tons and tons of reading and have come across some women that are going through what you are going through. Go get an unfill!!! No way should you have to live day to day like that. At least if you get an unfill you can eat and when you eat you can think.. so you could tackle your weight then (and if you cant eat you prob cant drink either.. are you dehydrated??). Well, listen to me rabbiting on. So sorry but I just feel so bad for you :)