Gym

Went to the gym today for the first time in ages - I always feel better when I go, though I am a bit knackered from the exercise. I am really unfit, and I need to work on getting more diligent at going regularly.

Oh well, every little helps. When I was weighed at the band doctor on Saturday I was 136 lbs (though that was with quite a lot of clothes on)

Will weigh myself properly tomorrow.

I am eating more, but less often than pre my defill. So far.

need to make some changes

Have been reading a lot of bandster blogs tonight and thinking things over a bit.

I need to make some changes.

I would like to stop eating so many ready meals (I am seriously bad at this. Although I cook decent balanced meals for the family, I do like to eat ready meals - curries, chinese, anything that qualifies as a TV dinner, I've probably eaten it this past month)

I would like to see chocolate as an occasional treat, not as an essential food group

I would like to cut out MSG and sodium a bit, and go back to a more natural diet.

(see Bunny's blog on MSG: http://weightloss-expedition.blogspot.com/)

I would like to exercise more.

Not sure I'll achieve these goals, but at least I have them. . .

This list of questions has been posted on a few bandster blogs, so I thought I'd answer. .

ANY REGRETS? Are you happy with your decision and would you do it again?
Very happy. I would do it again tomorrow and the day after that if I had to.

ARE YOU SORRY, YOU DIDN'T GIVE TRADITIONAL DIETING ONE MORE TRY?
No. I'd done the "one last try" thing for years, and it never did work. Also, there is an element of dieting (or being careful in what I eat) with a band. It's not a magic wand

WHAT IS THE WORST THING ABOUT HAVING THE BAND?
Pbing, which I do quite a lot (sometimes) and the fact that the band only works on my stomach, not my mind. Sometimes head hunger can be excessive yet my band won't let me eat; that can be difficult

WHAT IS THE BEST THING ABOUT HAVING THE BAND?
Losing six stone (nearly 90 pounds). Defintely a good thing! I had dieted all my life and never lost weight like this, and never kept weight off, till now.

On a scale of 1 to 10 HOW HARD WAS/IS IT PSYCHOLOGICALLY TO GET OVER THE FACT THAT YOU CAN'T EAT THE SAME WAY ANYMORE?
About 6 - 7 (1 being easy, 10 hard). I do struggle sometimes with head hunger and wanting to "pig out" and I can't, and that isn't easy

HAS BEING BANDED MADE YOUR PERSONALITY CHANGE? For the better or worse?
Are you still able to party a little? (I am a wine drinker...can't imagine giving it up completely) and are you a party pooper now cause you can't party as much?
Not sure about that to be honest. I still drink wine and still party as I did. But in every day life I'd say I have changed. I am quieter in a lot of situations, no longer need to "overcompensate" for my "failings" (ie being fat).

I am more calm in myself, and probably less outgoing, happier to take a back seat. It hasnt' made me more assertive as some bandsters find.

HOW MUCH HAPPIER ARE YOU WITH YOUR BODY? I am wondering what I will look like 50-80 lbs thinner. I am 47 and will have a "lose skin" issue.

With my clothes on I am about 80% happier with my body (still got fat calves and ankles and I prob need a face lift). With no clothes - hmm, lots of work needed, I have a lot of loose skin on my tummy and I have no behind at all, just saggy skin. I'm 43.

HAVE YOUR RELATIONSHIPS WITH OTHERS CHANGED? Spouses? Family? Friends? Strangers?

See above re personality. Family - no, my dh loved me like I was, that hasn't changed. At least one of my kids have said that they think I looked better fat (!!!) prob cos my face has gotten a lot thinner.

Friends - some are different towards me, not everyone likes it when the fat friend becomes a thin friend.

Strangers - yes, you do get treated differently when you are thin.

DO YOU FEEL LIKE THE SAME PERSON OR COMPLETELY DIFFERENT NOW THAT YOU HAVE LOST WEIGHT?
A bit of both. It takes a long time for my head to catch up with my body. I still avoid normal clothes shops, and buy a size that is too big online (!)

Also, and this is probably a post in itself; when you are overweight long term and struggling always to lose weight, it is easy to think that if you were thin then life would be perfect, everything will be different. But it's not. All that has happened is that I've lost weight. The rest of life is just like it was. The good, the bad and the ugly. But now, I have nothing to blame for the bad and the ugly (in the past I'd have blamed my weight)

Had a defill

I straggled (as in struggled, but it was wet and miserable) into London this morning to see a fill provider (not my original surgeon, but he is almost as good - Belgian, Dr Marc Focquet, (website here) .

I explained that I wanted a little out because I am too restricted right now - have been pbing quite a lot which is not a good thing, and have been eating nothing but junk, which is equally not a good thing. He is a good doctor and always listens and thinks before offering advice. He suggested taking out 0.5mils, which was ok with me.

It wasn't painful (no more than usual - I am a complete baby with pain, I hate it) when the needle went in, but, which was unusual, I bled quite a bit, and now have a black and blue bruise the size of a 50p piece where my port is. Hmm, that has never happened before.

Didn't feel different after the defill - Dr Marc showed me the amount he'd taken out in the syringe, and it really is tiny, I did wonder how much difference it can make.

Since getting home, I've been able to eat soup, coffee and chocolate :-) I know, I know, keep off the chocolate. I feel like I've been a bit dehydrated the last week or two, since getting any food to stay down was difficult, and although I could drink a lot of fluid, a lot of it did come back up.

Feeling more human since my defill. Just hope I don't start gaining weight too fast.

Update

There hasn't been much to say on the banding front lately. I've still been reading lots of blog and keeping up to date with everyone, some spectacular progress being made, and NSVs all round.

I'm 133 pounds (9 stone 7), which is ok.

But my band has gotten tighter for no reason, and I've been pbing quite badly. So I'm booked to see a fill provider (not my surgeon) on Saturday to get a tiny defill - I'll probably ask for 0.25 mils out. £100 is a lot to pay for 0.25mils, but life is getting too difficult with my band this tight, as there is very little real food I can eat; and even slider foods are coming back up sometimes.

In other news, my GP rang today, my last blood results

came back showing that my thyroid is low.

My thyroid tends to be unstable, sometimes up and then down, so I haven't often had medication for it. But I have to go for more blood tests to get it checked again. I'm not very good at going for follow up appointments, the doctor has to chase me up, I guess I am too busy with real life (and my band doctor) to often go to my GP.

If my thyroid is underactive, it might mean I get medication which might make me less tired and help my hair.

Since WLS my hair has been a disaster - it was never partic thick or glossy, but post op it has been (and it is nearly 2 yrs) very poorly and miserable. Almost embarassingly so. I'm tempted to get it cut very short to see if it would look better, but I am not sure. It really doesn't grow fast at all - I know cos it is dyed, and while my friends have to do their roots fairly often, I hardly ever have to. . . ever cloud has a silver lining.

Am meeting a friend who I only see a couple of times a year in a couple of weeks. A never-had-a-weight-problem friend, who is fascinated by my weight loss (she knows about the band)

Talking of people knowing, my mom was visiting last week. And she was soooooo curious about my weight loss it was difficult. I last saw her in July 08 when I'd lost a little weight and she was pleased for me (she is one of those people to whom being thin is *the* most important thing in life; and left me with many hang-ups about it over the years). Then I saw her briefly in August this yr (very briefly) and she was delighted at how thin I'd got - but like all previous attempts, she was sure it was a crash diet, and that I'd soon put it all back on.

So seeing me three months later, still the same weight, has puzzled her completely.

I've yo-yo'd between really quite fat and really quite normal-sized over the years, but never stayed normal sized, always got back fast to being fat. So she is very very curious as to what I've done this time.

She's known when I've taken Xenical, Reductil, etc, and she watched me fail with these. I'd never tell her. . . I hope she doesn't ask me straight out.

A to Z

Have see this on a few bandster blogs. . . not sure how interesting it is to anyone, but here goes . .

ABCDEFGHIJKLMNOPQRSTUVWXYZ

A
- Age: 43 (and going to stay here for some time - last yr I was 38)
- Annoyance: children who lose their pencils/books/concentration
- Animal: cat definitely


B
- Beer: Haven't drunk beer for 20+ yrs; it makes me throw up terribbbbbbly
- Birthplace: Stornoway, Isle of Lewis, Scotland
- Been in Love: Not sure
- Been bitched at: Yeah, no end
- Believe in yourself?: On good days
- Believe in God: Absolutely without a doubt
- Before weight: 220lbs ish

C
- Car: I don't drive
- Candy: any chocolate
- Colour: red
- Cried in school: not till I was quite old (like 17)
- Chocolate/Vanilla: chocolate always
- Chinese/Mexican: Chinese always
- Cake or pie: cake
- Country to visit: New York City. Been there once; it is a place without equal. London and Amsterdam come close, but my heart is in NYC

D
- Day or Night: Night! Always.
- Do the splits?: Never; though I did gymnastics in my teens

E
- Eggs: now and again
- Eyes: Brown :-( All my family have green. S'not fair.

F
- First crush:John MacNaught in Y10
- First thoughts waking up: It can't possibly be morning already??
- Food: yeah, now and again

G
- Greatest Fear: the day of judgement
- Goals: not sure than I have any
- Get along with your parents? - now and again

Nine stone eight

I am so happy with that

I have not been trying at all lately

Life has been difficult; I have been comfort eating

I've had too many "liquid" calories, etc

And - big big and

I have avoided the scales.

So, finally tonight I plucked up the courage to jump on (weighing at night is not the best, cos apparently one is always lighter in the morning)

And I was only nine stone eight pounds - which is 134 pounds or 60.9kg

I'd love to be ten pounds (or five kilos) lighter, but right now, I can live with that, since I really haven't been trying, haven't been exercising (real life got in the way), and have been comfort eating quite bit

Yahooooo for my band. Without it I'd be gaining 2 - 3 pounds (1 -3kg) a week, given all the other "stuff" that is going on in my life right now. I know I would, I'd be seeking solace in food par excellence.

Yahooooo for the fact that my band has forced me on to the straight and narrow; and yeah, I am still ten pounds heavier than I'd like; but I am no way where I'd be without a band.

I could always lose weight when I tried; sometimes, lots of weight. But then when times got tough, life got difficult, things weren't easy etc; I'd give up on "the diet" and pile all the weight back on again.

With my band (God bless him) I can't give up. I can't just eat three whole pizzas without stopping, nor a whole family pack of crisps, nor yet seventeen of my son's homemade and utterly delectable donuts.

Will wont let me (my band is called Will Power). And he really won't let me get fat again. Even when the going gets tough and the tough want to get eating.

Just a thankful post. It is nearly two yrs since I was banded; I have kept between 80 and 90 pounds off since my op (more if you count the highest weight I ever hit).

Maybe this is really going to work???

I am not convinced on the one hand. I have read the statistics - at five yrs out almost all dieters have regained their original weight. AND, which is scarey, so many bandsters do well for a bit, lose loads of weight, then regain it all and go for an RNY. (check out http://www.wlsinfo.org.uk/forums/)

But for tonight, for me, this is working; and I am happy. . . .