Not easy

I am not sure what I was expecting, but I didn't expect life with a band to be so . .. difficult.

Despite the research and stories I'd read, I didn't realise that every single thing that goes into my mouth has to be thought thru carefully, chewed carefully, swallowed carefully and may yet still come back up less than carefully.

I spent the first week on liquids only, which was ok, so long as I took ages to drink them. I'd never before realised how much I "gulp" fluid instead of sipping it. Might have to resort to drinking from a teaspoon.

Then I moved on to soft food, and that has been a disaster. A few carefully chewed mouthfuls of scrambled egg and I feel like I am choking - and trying to drink water to flush it down is hideous, the water just comes back out. There is nowhere for it to go. And it hurts like mad.

I've been sick several times a day over the last few days and have put myself back on to a liquids only diet for a week to see if that will let things settle down. I only have 1ml in my band and am due for a fill on Jan 11 (15 days)

The odd thing is that it is not always the same, sometimes I can eat a small portion of cottage pie or something soft like chocolate mousse or jelly; other times that seems to choke me.

I am beginning to wonder if this was a good idea. In fact I am quite sure it was not! But give it time, I tell myself. Christmas is not the easiest of times to have restricted food intake since there is so much (lovely) food around. My self control is rubbish, so sometimes I just eat something hoping for the best, and of course it hurts and I'm sick and I feel stupid.

As stupid as a goose and as stuffed as one at Christmas!

I am also realising that I am hopeless at telling myself when to stop eating, even "good" foods like soup or protein drinks. I've been trying to analyse it (not much else to do, as I am lying around exhausted most of the time after my blood transfusion). I have discovered that unless there is food in my stomach I feel slightly nauseous, so without thinking I go to eat something else.

I am not sure if this is related to my reflux problems, over production of stomach acid or what. Any of you who have been pregnant might know what I mean, if you get too empty you start to feel sick. But I've not been pregnant for years, so that isn't the reason.

Old habits die hard. I just hope I don't die along with them :-)

I'm still in quite a bit of pain from my wounds, esp the long one with the stitch still in it; and am very very tired from lack of blood. Glad dh is home to help with the house, I've done nothing much else but get on the PC and watch TV - tho I am too tired to watch that often.

Didn't weigh myself today; and going to try to only weigh myself once a week, as it is too disspiriting seeing the scales go up and down and up again.