Monday, 7 January 2008

Denial

I realise I am either

(a) completely unsuitable for a gastric band or

(b) in complete denial over the whole operation

I am due to go back to Belgium for a double fill on Friday. This is Monday, and I haven't even thought of buying Euros (takes days sometimes here), or dyeing my hair (which is looking distinctly rooted).

And I have not and will not weigh myself before I go.

I am able to eat anything and everything even today I had a cheese sandwich with chips. Oh dear oh dear. I do have the occasional "spit up" but I put that down to not chewing enough. If I chewed it enough, I could eat an elephant.

Also, which is sad bad not good news, I am ALWAYS hungry. Dunno what this op (remember I had a large hiatus hernia fixed) has done to me; but I never ever feel full; far worse than before the op. . . will discuss with CDB.

It kind of makes sense, if you understand what a hiatus hernia is. A small pouch of stomch moves upwards, past the diaphragm, giving me effectively two stomachs: one a hernia, and one real one.

I have been used to the "feeling superficially full, but wait a few minutes and then swallow reallllll hard and the food will move down and I can eat more" feeling.

Which is what the band is trying to do. Create a small pouch of stomach that I believe is my real stomach. I've had that for years, and it did not lead to weight loss. . . sad but true, I fear I've bought into the wrong operation.

Another issue which I haven't mentioned till now is that I've been thru a lot of pregnancies and with every one I vomitted like mad - all day every day for 6 months at least. So vomitting or "pbing" isn't something strange, it is pretty normal in this house.

My kids never blinked if they saw me rush to the loo to vomit, they just knew that that is what moms did (when pregnant). Now, no one here would notice supposing I ate and vomitted for hours on end every day.

Does anyone agree that I've bought the wrong operation?

6 comments:

Lilynolife said...

I am sorry you are having such a tough time right now. Do you look at any of the weightloss forums. I read www.gastricband.org which is the surgeon who fitted my lap band. I'm sure if you take a look you will see lots of others have had some similar experiences and feelings as yourself. The band is not a miracle cure, its a tool to help us. It takes a while to get the band adjusted to perfection. I'm sure all will be well, just give yourself a break and some time.

Bandster said...

Thanks for your comments and I'll go read the website you suggest; I am just scared that because of my stomach issues, I've always basically had a "two-stomach" option; and that I should have never had this op, since it doesn't really change my stomach physiology.

Dr De Bruyne told me that my hiatus hernia was NOT a contraindication for a lap band, but I wonder whether that was medical or psychological advice.

My motivation now is zilch. I feel hopeless and let down.

I did email him and he said I should come to see him on Friday/Saturday anyway. . . so at least I'll get some first hand advice.

I kind of wish I'd used a different provider, who had more follow up help in the UK. . .if the Healthier Weight Group had been offering their Italian option for £5k I'd prob have gone for that, since they have great after care.

Which, summed up means I am a big fat baby :-) and would love some help!

thanks
H

Lilynolife said...

You could get in contact with the doctor on the site i suggested. Marc Forquet is fabulous, so kind and nice and very very experienced. Have a read of the site and join, ask some questions, everyone is very friendly.

Try not to be so down hearted, weightloss in the begining is often slow, I've only lost 15lb since 24 October and am looking forward to my fill on Friday.

The band is a tool to help, not a miracle cure. Go to the site and get some support. Things can only get better.

Lilynolife said...

I do have a blog, it is private but if you request access I will give it to you. Here is the blog http://fromlardarsetoskinnychick.blogspot.com/

JaaJoe said...

I've had a Hiatal hernia for some time. I find water helps be the most. Check out this article-
Water: The cure For Heartburn - Living with a Hiatus Hurnia

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